Count his medicine every time I go over there. He only has two pills to take, a cholesterol and a depression. In 10 days he only took two of his cholesterol and two of his depression. My stepmother is not giving him his medicine correctly. What can I do? Family services will not help. I live 45 minutes away and I tried to go over there every day, I don't know what to do if he doesn't get his medicine he could stroke out or have a heart attack. I'm also concerned with his finances. My stepmother and step sisters are draining his accounts. She will hide his wallet from me. His social security cards are missing, they had his keys. There are lots of times that us kids will call and we won't be able to get through. We can't get answers correctly on his health. We got told that he had started dementia then it got changed it he had a small stroke. He does have a little bit of trouble remembering every now and then but nothing major. I am really concerned about my dad. Thank you everyone have a great day.
Medication for depression certainly does need to be taken as prescribed, at regular times. There are various aides which could help your father manage this himself. Is there any reason he couldn't do that? You say he has "nothing major" in the way of memory problems, but how does that affect him practically?
Cholesterol medication will help to prevent strokes, but it isn't a straightforward cause-and-effect relationship and missing the odd one won't hurt. But are you sure this is it? - that's all the medication he should be taking?
You're right to be concerned about him but don't rush in and don't jump to conclusions. First things first: what does your Dad think of how he's being looked after?
As far as AD's.....there is also something in taking an elderly person off those, too. They can 'poop out' and not even be effective at some point.
NOT to say that your SM should be playing dr with your dad--just trying to help you to see that it's not the end of the world if he isn't getting his meds--these particular ones, at least.
Is dad with it enough to understand that these are his daily meds and he should take them? Or has SM kind of taken over and is running the show?
Before you go boiling over to dad's--do your research as best you can and find out how dad feels about the care he gets and how serious it is that he take at least the cholesterol med.
IF you find out that SM is cleaning dad out, financially, or being abusive in her care of him--don't go looking for trouble. Step families are already a difficult dynamic--you want as little infighting as possible.
Maybe SM IS giving dad his meds and he's not taking them. After my FIL died, when I cleaned out his condo, there under his recliner were like 150 pills of various kinds. He fooled me good! He said he didn't want to take them and I insisted and when I'd turn my back he'd drop them under the recliner. Score one for FIL!
Don't assume the worst until you have done your research. You can cause bad feelings that will never, ever mend, so be careful how you handle this.
It is totally possible they first thought he had dementia but then realized he might have had a TIA, which is like a mini stroke and hard to see it as it happens. He may in fact have both, but it may not be easy to distinguish one medical problem from the other. It is possible they are hiding his wallet and other things from HIM, not from you, because he may be having behaviors like hiding things (which is not unusual in elders with dementia).
How do you know his wife and daughters are "draining his accounts"? What actual proof of this do you have? This is a serious accusation. And if you do have proof and one or some of them are his financial PoA then you have something you can take to an attorney and then to court. You can pursue guardianship but this is very expensive and usually detrimental to the elder and if the judge gets disgusted by the family infighting over control and money, may assign guardianship to a third party.
The only actual fact you seem to have is his medication. If your stepsisters are there at the house or live close by, I would loop them in and see if they can help manage this. If not, then there are options like PillPack that may help this situation. Mismanagement of medications is a very common problem for in-home elders. Start by talking to other family and agreeing to a strategy like PillPack. If that doesn't work (because there's no guarantee this solves the problem) then you must consider other solutions. My husband grew up with a step family and all I can say is try not to have negative suspicions lead every thought. Often in the absence of information we imagine the worst because we are concerned for our LOs and maybe there are historically bad blood with the other family. If you are not his PoA you will need to not alienate the one who is if you wish to stay involved as closely as possible. If you suspect your stepmother needs help managing your father's meds, I would take this info to her daughters and diplomatically see if they think there could be a reason why she is struggling to do it correctly. It may be the stepmom is also having cognitive decline and the daughters should get some insight that this is happening to their mother. I wish you success in working together for your father's best interests.