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My uncle died three months after my dad did. My uncle had hired a live in caregiver who became kind of his girlfriend. He didn’t leave her anything but she’s refusing to leave. Fortunately, his son is a lawyer, but it will probably take months and or lots of go-away money.



Im not trying to be rude but it’s a prime incentive for any indy, especiallly, who takes on live in or anywhere near that. They start by accepting gifts they’d get fired for if they worked for a facility or agency, they may get dad to change his documents or persuade him he’s in love.



My ys is gonna live with mom and get more of the house for improving it. My mom is 87 and still has all her adls but I can foresee an aide coming on later who speaks moms native language which she never taught us. She’ll be literally on top of the aides, daily.

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This is when a contract is needed. To protect the employer and the live in too. The contract should say that if the client has to go into care or dies, the contract is null and void. At the time either happens, the live-in must vacate the property within 24 hrs. (Or something like this) A live-in should always have a back up plan. This is not their resident, they are hired help.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 15, 2023
You’re right, JoAnn.

It’s always smart to have everything spelled out ahead of time.

I agree that a caregiver should always have a backup plan.

Especially since they have no way of knowing how long their position with their client will last.
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Lordy. Yet another of those caregivers gone girl-friend. Peggy Sue, how do you keep coming up with these folks?
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 15, 2023
You know what they say, Alva. “It takes all kinds to make the world go round!”

Sadly, Peggy has seen quite a few of these people!
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When my cousin was watching our mom at home she asked to move in and live in the basement. We turned her down because we were afraid of this exact situation happening.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 16, 2023
Wise decision.
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I wonder if nephew could do some work on the interior of the house. Without evicting, it could make living there not quite such an attractive option.
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NYDaughterInLaw Nov 15, 2023
Exactly what I was thinking.
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You could make a drinking game about how many times a female caregiver becomes a “girlfriend” of a much older man.

Does this ever happen with male caregivers and older women?
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PeggySue2020 Nov 15, 2023
it does, just not as frequently. Plus, A woman supporting a much younger man continues to be viewed as, well, more pathetic whereas a man is seen as virile.

My next door neighbor on my left almost lost her inheritance over the issue above. It was complicated, just as that of the in laws and now uncles estate.

Just because a caregiver does her job does not make her family, yet that’s their thing, to get the elder to think they’re part of the family when they’ve only been on the scene a couple years
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this gives me hope that as I age, I could acquire a younger girlfriend, every aging mans dream
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PeggySue2020 Nov 16, 2023
Hugh Hefner had 18 yos having sex with him in his late 90s. They were babies when he turned 80. Would u be naturally attracted to a woman your moms age? Why would you assume it would be different in reverse?
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Peggy,

How sad that your uncle’s son has to pay out of pocket to evict this woman. Does she feel entitled because she had a relationship with your uncle?

Laws can be so complicated at times. I bet the son has felt like going there and physically throwing her out but I suppose he can’t legally do that.

So smart of you to be thinking ahead for your mom.
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Take Mom home with you (or Sis) for a while, tell the aide you're having the house tented for termites, and everyone has to get out. Put her belongings on the front lawn, change the locks and don't let her back in. Report her for elder abuse for good measure.
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PeggySue2020 Nov 16, 2023
Needs, uncle lived in Honolulu. I would imagine their tenancy laws are as strict as NO. In most of the country, evicting someone who doesn’t want to go will mean either paying lawyers to drag it out, paying her to leave, or somewhere in between.
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Peggy,

What happened when your uncle’s son asked the woman to leave?

I know here in New Orleans there are squatters rights.

There were people who evacuated hurricane Katrina and when they were finally able to get back to the city, there had been people living in their homes. People were desperate for shelter.

This happened to my cousin. A couple was living in her house. It was a mess. They stole valuable items. There was evidence of drugs being used in her house.

People who tragically died in the storm had people in their homes. Some started making renovations on the homes and legally they were allowed to stay. The family couldn’t kick them out.

These situations become very messy. No one could have moved into my mom’s house. She had nine feet of water. Fortunately, our home didn’t flood. We had wind damage but no water.
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This is to Margaret’s question as to whether indy obligations differ.

Technically, they do not, but a facility or agency will be more incented to avoid elder abuse and family issues by discouraging gifting to staff with or without sex, let alone that sex would also be a firing offense.
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