Hello, My wife is 56 with young onset dementia. When I ask her what she wants for any given meal she simply says I don't know? There are times when I just make something and she says I don't want that and just wants cereal.
If she does eat what I make her she eats half if it was not her idea. It is very frustrating.
She wouldn’t eat anything from a dinner sized plate. I served small portions on a lunch sized plate.
Sometimes it was easier to get her to drink a smoothie. There are tons of recipes for nutritious smoothies online.
No language production is involved.
They use this method at my mother’s MC.
You give them a choice of either 'Meal A' or 'Meal B'. The same for what they want to wear for the day or what they want to watch on tv.
There is option 'A' or option 'B'. Sometimes, there cannot even be a choice given and you just have to decide for them.
Just give her what you know she likes. Like Lea said, you don't ask. You don't ask, do you need to go to the bathroom, you just take her. Do you want a shower, you will probably get a No, just take her. And don't expect her to eat like an adult. The medium size plate is a good idea. And just putting it in front of her is a good idea and maybe just walking away.
My Aunt with adv dementia ate Campbell's Chicken and Rice soup every single day, sometimes twice a day. She had the same muffin and coffee every morning for breakfast. She was healthy and lived to 100 (until she fell and broke her hip). We would add extra pre-cooked pasta or chicken, and a cooked egg into her soup and sometimes something green, like peas or spinach.
Only saying don't stress too much about what your wife ultimately eats. It may only be a phase for her for now.
I had to do that with my late husband, and it worked like a charm.
Someone with a broken brain can't handle more than 2 choices and certainly can't figure out what they want to eat for each meal, so make it simple for both of you and just offer 2 choices.
Experiment with yoghurt, crackers like Goldfish, cheese cubes, fruits, raw veggies, ice cream cups, grilled cheese squares, pb & j. 6 small meals a day are oftentimes preferable than 3 larger meals. Foods with a sweet taste often are most appealing to folks with dementia. Even glazed carrots or sweet potato vs. candy or cake.
Same with activities. Instead of saying "what would you like to do today?" Ask, "would you like a ride in the car?" if that's what you have in mind. Or offer colored pencils and a color book or a busy blanket/board, have her point to which one she'd like. Busy blankets/boards here:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=alzheimers+busy+blanket&crid=3N4NI8L39ZF05&sprefix=Alzheimers+busy+%2Caps%2C274&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_16
Pick up a copy of Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon for a few bucks. Great reading in plain english to help you navigate the maze you're trying to deal with.
https://a.co/d/bMeLZvu
Good luck to you.
I would add he could try watching some Teepa Snow videos. I am told they are good for looking at communication with those with Dementia.
There is a tendency to believe that one can remind them, ask them things, and expect normal answers and comprehension, and it just doesn't happen.
It is a very tough learning curve.
Nothing wrong with small bowl of thick soup, small portion of meat & veg, fruit with icecream/yoghurt/jelly. No need for gourmet cooking unless that's your interest.
Fine motor skills will be effected as time goes on. So when a knife & fork gets too hard, try foods that a spoon can work with eg mashed potato. When a spoon becomes too hard, try cup with handles for soup & more foods able to be picked up with the hands. It may sound juvenile but platters of bright coloured finger food can work well. It builds the opportunity for choice there.
I'm afraid you may need a thick skin & not take it as any kind of rejection if she rejects your cooking.
My heart goes out to you.
I just got creative, not ask "what do you want?" I'd start fixing a normal meal (lean meat, starch, salad or fruit) and say, "Do you want some?" If they said no, I fix a small plate and set aside to reheat. Try to fix her favorites. Go ahead and start to eat, then say, "I saved you some, I'll heat it up for you." Or ask her, "Come eat dinner with me." Or just set a place and tell her, "Dinner is ready." It was a struggle at first. It felt like feeding a picky toddler! I managed to get a milkshake and a 3 course meal down him every day. Start with their favorites. Don't make big servings, do smaller ones. I think they get overwhelmed by food. I was always worried about getting at least 1500 calories into him, being 6' he dropped from 227 to 205. Now he's back to 217 and looks so much better. He even asks the doctors his weight every time he goes. He gets praised for doing well.
Lots of people here use Boost or other flavored protein drinks (with vitamins) and you could try a milkshake with those. Just add ice, maybe add that spoonful of Cool Whip, that makes it so creamy and yummy. It goes down easy when you don't feel good. It took 9 months, and his Doctors were amazed he slowly gained weight back! Was even smiling more.
Now when he hears the blender crushing ice, he gets up and heads to the kitchen! Your are such a good husband to take care of her. I know it's frustrating, but....
You got this!!!
On a recent netflix documentary about Canadian families giving care to their elders in their homes for years an experiment was done with trying to have one dial a cell phone with huge numbers. The person could not even point out the number 2. By the way one of the women was early onset, mid 50s, alzheimer.
Things just don't compute any more. The synapses don't allow them to make sense of "What would you like for dinner". So they confabulate and so "anything". They cannot form it all to say what they want for dinner, nor remember what you can even make.
I am so sorry.
You can ask...
"Honey, do you want Tomato soup or Chicken soup?"
"Honey, do you want Milk or juice?"
At some point even that is going to get difficult for her to answer.
When that happens you simply say...
"Honey, it is time for dinner."
And when you make something and you sit down to eat and she says all she wants is cereal then you get the cereal. Cuz one day she will stop talking and you will miss hearing her say..."I just want cereal"
Forget the notion of a full meal eaten at breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Pick her best time of day and make that her main meal. It might mean soup or stew for breakfast and cereal for dinner.
If she is eating smaller portions break her meals into 5 or 6 little meals/snacks during the day.
Do expect her to sleep/nap a lot between the meals. Digestion takes a lot of energy.
Her brain no longer computes what you're saying in a way she can reply to--it's very frustrating, but this is just what goes along with the territory,
I'm sorry.
Expressing wants is part of initiative.
You will find that "I don't know" will be the answer to more and more questions as time goes on.
"Cereal" is a word/item that she remembers. That's why she can come up with it.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you both.