Mother has multiple brain tumors and has declined. She can't hold a meaningful conversation or make decisions. I am an RN and her POA for healthcare. She has lived with a man in his house for several years. He is in denial about her declining health and is very adamant that we don't bring in hospice care. My sister and I are not physically able to care for her. He insists that she isn't that bad. He insists that she is not having pain. Do I have the right to force hospice or to put her in an inpatient hospice?
There are things that may bother my husband and it won’t effect me. The same with him. Something could bother me and it does not effect him.
We care about each other’s feelings but we are capable of making our own decisions. While we are a couple we respect each other as individuals.
So, he doesn’t want her to have hospice because his dad had a bad experience. She doesn’t have to go along with that and she has. I was wondering if you ever spoke to her without him. I think that’s important. I still feel since you have accepted the medical power of attorney for your mom that it is in her best interest to have hospice.
You have said that you, nor your sister can care for her so in reality why should she even be offered a choice. She gave you the authority to do what is best. So, she may be relieved if you state calmly and in a reassuring way that you are preparing for her to receive the best care for her needs. Why should she suffer because of her partner’s desire to follow his ideas? She deserves medical care that is best suited for her needs and not according to her partner’s past experiences with his father’s experience with hospice.
Your MIL deserved better! You and your husband deserved better. He was not trustworthy, simple as that.
and i have to ask....if her caregiver/boyfriend is refusing help for her, do you believe him when he states she is not in pain?? I sure dont, not for one minute...,
This poster is going through a lot. Since you brought it up I am going to back you up on this. I wholeheartedly agree. I don’t feel her partner is trustworthy.
This man is basing everything on his father’s experiences and won’t even share those experiences. Why? Something doesn’t sound right.
He has his partner’s daughter there to help him. Who could ask for a more competent person? She is a nurse and he clams up. Doesn’t add up to me.
I am sorry he had a bad experience with his dad in hospice. Reassure him that you will select the best place. Make an appointment for him to speak to a social worker. Be present at the meeting if possible. You don’t want him to upset your mom. Imagine her anxiety dealing with all of this.
There is a reason why YOU are medical power of attorney. She is trusting you to be responsible in this matter. What is your gut telling you?
Mom isn’t going to recover. This is going to get bad. It is never a good idea to wait until the last minute for palliative care or hospice.
Responsible health care professionals will tell families to use hospice. Hospice can always be discontinued. I don’t know why anyone would discontinue it though.
It’s foolish not to prepare for proper care for her mom if she suspects her mom needs it. Obviously, she does. She isn’t dealing with a sprained ankle. We are speaking about a brain tumor. It’s so sad.
This is why a living will or POLST is a good thing to have in place. Then there is no guesswork and the partner and children are following her wishes.
Do you have an in house hospice available? Do that. My brother was in an end of life hospice facility. They were incredible. The nurses were so kind to him and the family. The clergy and social worker were a huge comfort.
Please don’t delay any longer. Who says, “She isn’t that bad? He is aware of the brain tumors and opposed to hospice? Sorry, that makes no sense. None!
Your mom isn’t able to speak for herself anymore. You have the authority to be her voice.