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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Just had a quick look at your profile, and that's a fair can of worms of health problems you're dealing with there! When you say you've just started the process, how long have you been involved in your mother's health care would you say? - I know it sort of snowballs, and it can be difficult to think when the start date was (it can also make you yelp when you realise how the years have gone by).
So, you're currently staying with your mother in her home with a view to packing it up and shipping her out to where you live, is that right? And where will you move her to, your home or a facility or what?
The thing is, how you respond to her when she's misbehaving must depend quite a lot on what she's doing, why, and whether it's her disease or the circumstances or some specific thing like a uti or pain that's making her do it.
At the moment, with what's happened recently, she may be angry because she's ill, scared, and in pain, which is quite the perfect storm. As kind of first aid for caregivers, it is always worth ruling out a u.t.i. and checking for pain; but also do more listening than talking. If she's angry about the change and disruption - from her point of view, invasion and captivity - don't argue with her and don't try to change her mind. For now, hang in there and give her a chance to adjust to being looked after. You want to try to make her feel reassured that this is not the end of the world and you're not trying to take her prisoner - you're on her side.
I hope some of this is useful - please do come back and say more about what's going on, if you'd like to.
If she's not hitting, try sitting down near her and listening. I spend a LOT of time trying to ignore my husband. Often, when he's worked up, just looking in his eyes, putting my hand on his shoulder and asking him to tell me what's wrong is enough to calm things down.
Your goal is not to convince her that it's not so bad. The goal is to convince her that you care.
If she starts talking about impossible things, like going to a house that no longer exists, you can get pen and paper and interview her about her worries and desires, and take notes! She will feel like you are taking her seriously.
When she is telling you what a horrible daughter you are, ignore the words completely. Try something like, "Your life isn't turning out the way you hoped, is it? It's so cold (or hot) here, and always raining. Your xxx hurts, doesn't it? Do you need a heating pad or ice pack? Bette Davis said, 'old age ain't for sissies.' I guess she was right! You're angry? I don't blame you. Here, you can't punch me, but you can punch this pillow. I wish there was a way I could make you young and healthy again."
Her life sucks. It's not your fault, but you are right there, so she is going to blame you. (And we all know that we could *theoretically* do so much more, so we feel guilty at the drop of a hat.) Ignore the blame, and have compassion for the hurting heart inside.
For the record, I snap at my husband at least 25 times a day, and swear 50 times. But I do keep trying.
Oh dear! So hard! Prrsonnally, I’ve never get used to it even if I know as you do, it’s the desease speaking! Try to define what’s the problem that triggers this comportment. Is it because she feels she is losing autonomy, for example? They loose the capacity to express what’s really going on. Then you’ll be able to better deal with it. You’ll find by trials and errors your own tricks. Sometimes it is as simple as change the course of her ideas, like sadly with little childrem in tantrum.
many, many big hugs to you. Hope your bruised heart heals fast. You’re in for a very nasty roller coaster, but this community of caregivers will always be there for you!
God bless you and give you strenght and courage and lot of love from every source availlable. Most of all, be kind for yourself in order to stay kind (most of the time) with her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So, you're currently staying with your mother in her home with a view to packing it up and shipping her out to where you live, is that right? And where will you move her to, your home or a facility or what?
The thing is, how you respond to her when she's misbehaving must depend quite a lot on what she's doing, why, and whether it's her disease or the circumstances or some specific thing like a uti or pain that's making her do it.
At the moment, with what's happened recently, she may be angry because she's ill, scared, and in pain, which is quite the perfect storm. As kind of first aid for caregivers, it is always worth ruling out a u.t.i. and checking for pain; but also do more listening than talking. If she's angry about the change and disruption - from her point of view, invasion and captivity - don't argue with her and don't try to change her mind. For now, hang in there and give her a chance to adjust to being looked after. You want to try to make her feel reassured that this is not the end of the world and you're not trying to take her prisoner - you're on her side.
I hope some of this is useful - please do come back and say more about what's going on, if you'd like to.
Your goal is not to convince her that it's not so bad. The goal is to convince her that you care.
If she starts talking about impossible things, like going to a house that no longer exists, you can get pen and paper and interview her about her worries and desires, and take notes! She will feel like you are taking her seriously.
When she is telling you what a horrible daughter you are, ignore the words completely. Try something like, "Your life isn't turning out the way you hoped, is it? It's so cold (or hot) here, and always raining. Your xxx hurts, doesn't it? Do you need a heating pad or ice pack? Bette Davis said, 'old age ain't for sissies.' I guess she was right! You're angry? I don't blame you. Here, you can't punch me, but you can punch this pillow. I wish there was a way I could make you young and healthy again."
Her life sucks. It's not your fault, but you are right there, so she is going to blame you. (And we all know that we could *theoretically* do so much more, so we feel guilty at the drop of a hat.) Ignore the blame, and have compassion for the hurting heart inside.
For the record, I snap at my husband at least 25 times a day, and swear 50 times. But I do keep trying.
many, many big hugs to you. Hope your bruised heart heals fast. You’re in for a very nasty roller coaster, but this community of caregivers will always be there for you!
God bless you and give you strenght and courage and lot of love from every source availlable. Most of all, be kind for yourself in order to stay kind (most of the time) with her.