We have just been banned. The power of attorney whose husband is a doctor has accused us of taking money over the years from my adoptive Grandma and says she is agitated after we visit her, neither is true. She is happy when we leave. The administrator at the nursing home has harassed, threatened, and tried to intimidate us on and off since March of 2015. We have contacted State on aging and Ombudsmen, they will do nothing. They have restricted my Grandma from seeing us in the courtyard and her bedroom on occasion to only the common room to keep an eye on us. My Grandma's wishes is to see us throughout the property and she never understands when they would force us and her down to the common area. My Grandma has mild Alzheirmer's. Today my mom was told we can no longer see her. Can they do this?
I suggest that you visit your grandma as often as you like, in the common rooms. Don't discuss the reason for that location with GM. "It is too windy to sit out today." "I always enjoy the seasonal decorations in this room." Give her any excuse if she asks about it, but don't upset her with the "truth." And don't bring it up yourself.
Also do not discuss financial matters with her. Don't talk about the accusations of stealing her money. That is for you to deal with through an attorney if necessary.
GM has dementia. Do not bring up sensitive subjects! Not even if she could have discussed them very well before she went into the nursing home.
When I visited my mother in the nursing home I almost always chose to take her to a common room. Her little bedroom was way to crowded, and it was also nice for her to have a change of scenery. Often a few of mom's friends would join us. I always brought enough of any activity so someone could join us. For example, the ladies loved recipe books, so I'd bring in a big stack of those little booklets sold near the cashier and they'd pass them around.
I can't think of anything I couldn't do with Mom in the common rooms. We colored. She matched up socks for me. She sorted coins. I dressed her doll. Being restricted to the common rooms is not a big handicap.
My advice is to accept that restriction gracefully and focus on bringing joy to your grandmother.
Power of Attorney, as I'm sure you know, can only have been given to the doctor's wife by your grandmother when your grandmother was of sound mind. Your grandmother chose this lady to act for her. Why do you think she might have done that?
Do you really have no idea why the POA and the NH believe you and your mother to pose a risk to the welfare of your grandmother?
Your grandmother has a right to see people if she wishes to; and unless she has been deemed incompetent it is up to her to decide who can visit; but those responsible for her welfare have a duty to act in her best interests, and the NH will certainly reserve the right to eject visitors whose behaviour is a problem. If the POA and the NH administration can demonstrate that their concerns about you and your mother are well-founded, then yes they can keep you from visiting your grandmother. Can they demonstrate that?
I agree with all the answers. The only thing you need to know going forward is who, if anyone, has Guardianship of your Grandma.
This reminds me of that old question: "What is in the best interest of the children?" Only in this case, it it Grandma instead of child.
That's a very serious allegation. Would you be in a position to demand that those making it either publicly retract the allegation or prove it?
The thing is, if a nun isn't a pillar of a community then I don't know who would be; so it is not that surprising that the other authority figures in the case - the doctor, the home administrator, the old lady's POA - are inclined to believe what she says. They don't have to be kin, or in cahoots in some sinister way. Wouldn't you take a nun's word for something unless you had good reason not to?
I may be very old-fashioned but I do find it hard to believe that a nun would slander you purely out of jealousy of your friendship. Where else might she have got the idea that you and your mother were taking financial advantage of your friend?
What it comes down to is that you will either have to take formal steps to clear your name - you could sue for defamation, you could go to the police and tell them that this accusation has been made and you wish them to follow it up - or you will have to suck it up.
I do find it distasteful and unfair that these people are taking the moral high ground in one way, by barring you from further contact, but then confining themselves to gossiping about you rather than treating the matter as seriously as perhaps they should. It prevents you from having any way of defending your reputation, which is not right.
Accept what those who do have these legal rights have allowed you, Actually, you have no choice,
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