My Dad and Stepmother swear they don't need help. Even though Dad doesn't drive much anymore, they say they are just fine. If they need help, "we will just hire someone." That in itself is so disrespectful, as I am the only one of all the children to give up my life and job to help them. One minute they have "no money" and the next, "we can hire someone." I have 1 brother and 5 step siblings. I tried to telecommute, but that didn't work very well. My brother absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of them paying me. I don't really know any of my step siblings. They all are very dysfunctional and are always calling and asking for money from my Stepmother. I have started planting seeds with my parents about money, but it always ends up the same way. "If we need to, we can just hire someone." With both slipping more and more into the first stages of moderate Alz, and my brother's attitude, I am really stuck. The biggest issue is that neither of them accept that they are slipping. I could gain control of my Dad's Trust (I am first Trustee), but I don't have the money for an attorney. The Trust provides for succession when Dad is deemed incompetent.
My dad with dementia does not want help even tho he can do very little on his own now. Both of my parents think they need much less help then they actually do.
I would suggest that you check out places they may be able to go to.
Then after the work is done, you present to them 'the plan' and you have back up! Without sibling backup, I suspect you will need to contact the Area Agency on Aging? I am not adept at all the agencies out there. I know they are there.
Someone else can chime in and be of more help!! Will be praying for you. and your folks!
You might begin by going to their doctor's appointments with them, and I mean into the exam room too. Get to know the doctor and let him get to know you. The beginning stages are usually pretty moderate and they should be able to continue doing for themselves with some light assistance. I agree that your mom might agree to a little help with the occasional heavy housekeeping and gradually work into more help. Take them some small portions of freezer/reheat friendly food so that they don't always have to cook from scratch. As we age, our appetites get smaller (for a lot of people, amazingly mine is increasing), so small portions would be best. Perhaps Meals on Wheels or something similar could be arranged.
What I'm suggesting is to gradually insinuate yourself into their lives, rather than just barge in and take over. They will be more likely to enjoy your company if they think it's just for company and not for taking over. See what I'm saying? Help them figure out the taxes this year, before you know it, they will see you as trustworthy and will ask you questions about money situations and eventually you can help them by paying their bills. It just takes baby steps. They are not "disrespecting" you, they are trying to hold on to the modicum of independence they have and they know they will be losing. They just want it to be later, rather than sooner.
If my daughter pranced in here claiming I need help with housework, I would send her scootin'. If she came in and visited and said she'd been at her house vacuuming behind the couch and telling me what all she'd found and "while I'm here, I'll help you move your couch to vacuum behind", well that's different. I would enjoy that.