Private memory care facility. Cost monthly over $5000. Communication with management is very poor my father’s grooming to me is lacking he does not talk so communication between us is hard and he does not write things down. He had a Fall his first week it took me a long time to get the full story out of the staff. My Dad was a very brilliant beautiful man.
On my last visit I noticed he had lost three top teeth I asked about it maybe a dental visit? really didn’t get any response. he had somebody else’s socks on with their name on the socks.
He’s an hour and a half away from me I want to bring him back to his hometown to a facility five minutes away from me. Am I selfish? Do you think this could be very harmful for me to take him out of this routine? I would be able to see him every day before work Or after work. Visit of course plated glass partition. He’d be so close to the hospital this is the town where he bought land built a home on. My mother and Dad moved to a gated community in December my mothers wishes my father had no business being moved there the house was big lots of furniture he had a terrible fall so my younger brother and mother put him in I believe the first facility they could find. My gut my heart my soul tells me to get my dad out they are not meeting financial responsibility so this is my chance.
I need some encouragement to know that I’m doing the right thing!
If his wife or someone that has POA did then you can not move him without their permission.
I am going to take the dental question first. I made the decision NOT to subject my Husband to dental work because it would have been more difficult for him having teeth pulled and not being able to properly care for open wounds in his mouth. Not to mention the side effects of anesthesia on people with dementia.
You "would be able to see him every day before or after work" but you won't. It may start out that way but life goes on for the rest of the world and you will have other more important things to do daily. So visits will be weekends...until they aren't .
I personally do not think you would be doing the right thing.
If you really want to attempt this see an Elder Care Attorney. You will have to obtain Guardianship to over ride any decisions others that have the legal authority to do.
Do you really want to put your family through this?
Dealing with dementia is difficult enough as it is. If you are having problems with his decline just think what it is doing to his wife...I am going to assume that is your mom. She needs support at this time not someone questioning a difficult decision that she made.
Sorry if this is not the answer you wanted or expected
My brother and I have a strained relationship around caregiving for both my parents. So this did not make our relationship better-only made the situation worse. Regardless I still do not regret the decision it was the best choice for both my parents-to move my mom.
Family dynamics are so complicated but I was told and agree-advocate for the best for your parents they deserve it and you deserve it. If you have the energy and time to follow through do the best you can.
good luck- none of this is easy and seems to only get harder- but we are capable of so much. Hang in there!