The ONLY thing she will participate in is shopping. Shopping of any kind. She wants to go everyday, all day. We work and cannot accommodate that kind of demand. And of course with the memory problems she wants to go to the same store over and over and over. It is truly a fight to get her to do anything. And I can't stress enough that I am not exaggerating. She is not combative but mean and very stubborn. We have set a schedule and stick to it, so Wednesday's are shopping days. Diversion and all other tactics usually don't work. We are grateful when they do. I guess my bottom line question is...should we just let her sit and do nothing for the other 6 days in the week?
Keep her mobile if possible, clean and eating a healthy diet. If she eats a lot of things like ice cream and cake limit the amount you have in the house
The obsession with shopping will probably pass and she will go on to something more annoying but be thankful she will at least do this one thing. Just make sure she doesn't squander money that is needed for other things. I assume she is living in your home so she should at least be contributing to household expenses even if you can afford not to ask.
Remember that the expenses of her care will increase dramatically as her condition deteriorates. As long as you keep good records of what she has contributed towards her living expenses that will satisfy Medicaid if she needs that for Memory care later on. If you don't actually need the money now you can regard it as money that can be spent on luxuries for her later if she is in memory care.
Chances are that our parents end up where they are because of choices they've made during their lives. For example, my mother and father were hermits and stayed in their home of 70 years, while everyone else moved. So they ended up alone in a community of strangers. My mother still refuses to leave her home. There are a couple of people who want to visit, but she pushes them away. This is not my fault and it is a problem I cannot solve for her. She prefers watching TV reruns. As odd as it seems, I think the characters are her friends. Sometime she tells me what John-Boy is going through and what he's about to do... like he's real.
We can do the things that are possible, but we do have to limit things so that our own lives are not ruined by trying to be their entertainment committee. It doesn't work, anyway. If you're like me, I just end up feeling like a nag.
It's hard to do. If I give her a small can of pecans, she'll eat the whole can instead of taking a few. I have to keep chips out of her sight. She'll munch the larger part of the bag of tortilla chips. In my mother's case, I think her eating has gone back to how it was before she was diagnosed with diabetes. She was a binger and gained to over 250 lbs. I don't worry so much about weight gain now, just the blood sugar, if she keeps eating the same way.
My mother also likes the cheese sticks. I like that, because at least she is getting some calcium.
JessieBelle...that's one thing we don't have to worry about (meaning diabetes). We have had to childproof one of the cabinets and keep the "extra" snacks locked up and we too ration. Even with all she is bingeing on she has actually lost weight only because when she was alone she ate nothing but sugar or sugar based items and since living with us we have taken that away so she's actually loosing. I am concerned though that it will catch up to her. I just wasn't sure if bingeing was part of the dementia or if this is a baseline personality trait. I do appreciate all the responses I have received. Thank you both again.
She is on medications her doctor deems appropriate. It can be very hit-and-miss to find the right antidepressant. Talk to her doctor about her current behaviors. Perhaps an adjustment to the medications would be helpful. Or perhaps you need to adjust your expectations of what a person with her diagnosis can be expected to do.
If Mom is paying you for room, board, and/or caregiving (and she should be if she can afford it) there should be a contract in place spelling out what you provide and what she pays. Otherwise, the money she gives you might be counted as "gifts" and incur a penalty if she ever needs to apply for Medicaid (for example, if she eventually needs to be in a care center).
You are really doing great as caregivers!