My dad put me as his poa for everything the social worker and nurse want to set up a meeting with other sisters and brothers so we're on the same page about my dad's care. Most of them don't care but one has, a problem I don't really need to have any sit down with them it would be against my dad's wishes since he wanted Me To TAKE Care Of Everything IN THE First place
Would your out-of-state sister attend a family meeting? Would she attend via conference call?
Your profile mentions only age-related decline. That doesn't usually involve a social worker and a nurse. What is the nature of your father's health problems? Why don't you (or he) want the rest of the family to be aware of his needs?
I guess I don't know exactly what your question is, Sunny5, or what kind of input you'd like from us.
Look, what's the worse that can happen? They dementia dad be cared for at their home? You have poa. You and dad can say no to that.
Denying someone the right to take an interest now on the grounds that she didn't before isn't quite fair, by the way. The net effect of that view is that your sister can't do right for doing wrong, can she?
Why the special interest from the granddaughter, by the way? Is she a medical or nursing professional or something?
It would help a very difficult situation if sib would be open. Just as it could help to be more open with your sibs. Maybe they just want to help in some way.
My situation is that I have Mom's hubby's POA. They have been married for just over 8 years. I used to give my sibs information about his health and other things going on. But, I have stopped that because one sib in particular was always exaggerating what was said. Now I only tell his daughter about his health issues. You see, my sibs just want both in a facility together. Why a year and a half ago sibs paid a reservation fee for the two of them to share a unit in assisted living. Completely inappropriate! He cannot nor does he want to provide for Mom's ever increasing care needs. And he is competent, and sibs did not even discuss looking at this facility with him! He was very hurt by that and it was the end of giving sibs his medical info. And justifiably so! We hired a geriatric care manager to help me advocate for him and what he wants.
Families can be difficult to have involved in developing a care plan. But sometimes it does work. So, my recommendation to you is to give it a try. If you find them interfering rather than being supportive to dad and yourself, you can change it at that time.
Would your dad really want you to keep your siblings in the dark? Or did he trust you to make his decisions for him knowing that you would do what was necessary not only for him, but to encourage sibling involvement?
It's hard to be able to give advice on whether to involve people or just to "tell" them by giving them updates. If they're not going to have a say in things, it might not be a good idea to do something that gives them the impression that they're going to now have input.
Why is it that the social worker and nurse are doing this, though? I haven't run into anyone telling me they've had this happen to them and I do know other caregivers who are in a situation similar to yours.
You have to decide but quite possibly you'll end up just telling the social worker and nurse, "No, we're not doing that." Be prepared to calmly explain why not if that's the direction you take.
Bottom Line: Where one person gets all the responsibility dumped onto them, they should be allowed to keep people up-to-date however is most convenient for them. Period.