Well, today marks 22 days that my dad has been in the hospital after his fall and a positive test for Covid-19. They found a massive blood clot in his leg and moved him to ICU for the last two days. He is very weak and short of breath. He’s been on oxygen since he got there but now he’s on a ventilator.
I got a call from a Palliative care doctor today who says that in his opinion, dad has less than a 5% chance of pulling through. I am his POA and I do not want him to suffer or to be in any pain and to go as peacefully as possible. If his ending is coming soon my wish is that he has the best quality of life that he can have.
With that said, I have made the decision/given my permission to place him on Comfort Care. I feel that he would do the same for me in this situation.
Has anyone else had to make this same decision to place a parent on Comfort Care? If so, how did it turn out?
It is a tough decision, but your father entrusted you with his POA and trusted that you will make the best decision. My sympathies to you and your family.
Thank you for allowing him to get compassionate care for however long his life is,
https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/18/us/coronavirus-maine-recovery-trnd/index.html
I know it’s hard, but you need to make the best choice possible. Pray to God to help you.
My Caregiver LO started to develop breathing problems. When it first occurred I was able to stop it and my LO responded well. Two days later in morning my LO’s breathing problem resurfaced and I took him to the Hospital ER. The hospital placed my LO in ICU with a ventilator for about a day and later replaced it with only nasal oxygen support. The following day my LO was exhausted and tired, but was released from the ICU to a regular hospital room. At night I went home feeling good that my LO was doing better. I got a telephone call the following morning about 4AM from the hospital doctor who called to tell me that my LO had passed away in his sleep.
Why the family is allowing the doctors to keep her on the ventilator is BEYOND me, truly. To save her life now so she can die in agony in a few months ANYWAY???
You're doing the right thing, my friend. I only wish my husband's family would wake up and make this choice for my SIL. Immediately.
Sending you a hug and a prayer of empathy and compassion. I'm sorry you're going thru such a thing, I really am.
i am so sorry to read about what you are going through and the difficult decision you have had to make.
i was in a similar situation this time last year with my mom. She had Alzheimer’s and caught COVID. Her symptoms of COVID were not what everyone else experienced. But as per the doctors at the hospital something they saw frequently in elderly patients. Aside from the positive COVID test her symptom was an increase in her dementia. She no longer recognized me (for the first time) and was refusing all food, fluids and medications. Because she would ask “intelligent” questions the drs couldn’t force meds or fluids into her. Her questions were asking what the medications were that they were giving her. Then she would refuse. My mother was a nurse for decades and it was drilled into them that when medications are offered or given you always triple check what they are. Anyway the dr believed if they could force fluids and meds into her she would recover to at least how she was just before her COVID. So I got a court order to declare her unable to make her own safe decisions and they started her on fluids. Up until then when the drs would tell her that refusing food and fluids she would pass away, is that what she wanted. She would be silent. My mother loved life so I assumed she still felt that way and believed the drs when they said her refusal for food was due to the COVId delirium and once she got fluids she would be better. Once they started the fluids she was saying she wanted to pass away. Since I had the court order they couldn’t stop fluids unless I said to. I felt that if she wants to pass away I cannot deny her that for my own selfish wants (wanting her to still be here). She would not let me suffer so I cannot let her suffer. I told them to stop the forced fluids and to make her comfortable. Still offer her food and drink and if she wants it to give it to her but no more forcing her. I told them she is not to suffer in anyway. If her soul wants to move on I have to let her. I also told the doctors that because she is not to suffer they are to administer any meds that are needed to ensure she feels ok physically and emotionally. Even if it means she would pass sooner. It broke my heart and I was able to be with her the day she passed away. She did not appear to be suffering in any way which was my prayer for her. All of this broke my heart and the guilt I felt over having to make the decision to stop treatments was awful but I knew it was the right choice. A choice for my mother’s soul/heart over a choice for my own happiness (if that makes sense). I loved my mother dearly and still do and miss her terribly but still feel it was the right choice. A hard choice but the right one for my loving mom.
i hope this long response made some sense and helped a bit.
know you are not alone in having to make these difficult choices for your very loved parent and know you are doing the right thing. Your heart knows what is right for your dad. And your dad knows that you live him so much.
God bless.
I wish your Dad peace and again, am so sorry for this loss. It is a difficult decision for a lay person; for me as a nurse it was an easy decision, but difficult to get done. So again,I am grateful for the good doctor in this case.
Hugs to you as you travel through this difficult time.
He was really sick and he died quickly. Which I am grateful for. He had put up a good fight and it was his time to go.
Great big warm hug for doing what you believe is the best thing for his quality of life. That is what really matters IMO.
My mother was put on hospice on January 1 this year, but we continued her regular medications. Finally in early July we decided that her meds were no longer doing what they were supposed to do and took her off them.
After seven years on diuretics and still having hugely swollen legs, we took her off and the swelling went away overnight. We took her off blood pressure medication, and her BP didn't change. We took her off the medication to regulate her heart, and her heart stayed about the same. She seemed more comfortable than she had in years.
Yes, she did die three weeks later, but she was truly comfortable at the end and that was my goal. There was never any recovery expected, but I'm happy her body let go on its own terms.
You know your dad. What would he want? What choice would he make for himself? He made you POA for a reason. My guess is that he knew that you would do what he would have wanted to do himself if he had the voice to say so.
Not exactly the same but when I placed my Husband on Hospice all the choices I made for his care were choices that would put less stress on him, limit anxiety, limit testing, limit discomfort. If that meant choosing NO medical intervention that is what I did. These are tough decisions and if made with your heart in the right place they are the right choices. I learned to not second guess myself.
I don't want to fill you with false hope, especially since she didn't have any other underlying health issues, and no blood clots, but just saying that anything can happen after he's on hospice. My MIL was so weak she couldn't even hold the phone to her ear to talk to us through the window. She has mild/mod dementia and memory impairment. She did make a full recovery. I wish you much peace in your heart at being in this situation and wisdom as you make decisions for him.
Does this entail him coming off the vent?
I was also told that they will change his food for the better. He's been asking for soft drinks like his favorite Coca-Cola. The staff has been denying him that and giving him water instead, but in comfort care, they will allow him to have drinks and foods that he wants.
Basically, they will stop treating the disease and start making him feel better with the time he has left.