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Has your parent ever accused you of "abuse," and called the authorities on you?  I heard this is common. How did you handle it?

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I'd just like to insert my own personal experience on this subject in a direct answer to the question posed. My mother has acused me of abusing her many times.. I was her caregiver for 6 years and had to care for her at my house when she had pnemonia and a heart atack. This was long term care and I was not prepared but did the best I could noone to help me. She also has advanced dementia and is totally irrational and abusive to me. She tells my siblings that I am the one that's abusing her. I am the only one living close to my mother, all my sibs live out of state. None of them have come to see my mother except for once a year and have offered me NO help. I have been affectionate, caring, and loving to my mother, honoring her all my life. I am a 75 yr old diabetic and can no longer handle the stress or the hatered my mother dishes out to me. She has become the drama queen and knows she will get attention from my siblings if she calls and tells them I have done something abusive to her. Since I have NEVER done anything to her it is heartbreaking to me and made me so sick physically I ended up with Shingles. It was debilitating and I have had to find another caregiver to take care of my mother, because I can no longer handle my mothers anger, tantrums, and abuse toward me. Now the way she punishes me is to hang up on me when I call to check on her or tell me she isn't speaking to me. It has brought me to my knees, I have no contact with my mother anymore because of all this. So my whole point is this...Elders can be the Abuser too!!.In answer to the question above my mother has never called the police on me so I have no idea what I would do about that. Dementia is a demon of the devil. It changes our parents into someone we don't recognize any longer. For me dementia took my mother to a place where I can no longer reach her. She is still alive, but because her mind is gone she is lost. For me it's like she passed away two years ago.
I know there are many cases where children abuse their Elderly parents and that is an ongoing problem that needs to be addressed. However, since I joined this site I have realized I am not alone, there are many others where the roles are reversed and the Elderly parents abuse their caregiving children..

A daughter saddened.
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I recently saw an article about that. It suggested that bullying behavior when young and elder abusers have the same behavioral roots in a sense of entitlement, lack of consequences and need to control the other person including their assets. I wonder how many dysfunctional families with bullying and emotional abuse turn into elder abuse situations as families age and the dynamics change. Until somebody smarter than me figures out what makes bullies, I don't know if our society will ever understand what would motivate a person to take it out on a senior no matter how many issue they had unresolved. I do sense however that we are not as kind to our elders in this country, it is a culture of youth and entitlement that puts its blinders on.
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You are right about elder abuse, and that's why it's such a sticky subject. Vulnerable people are easily abused and elders are generally vulnerable. However, this person was asking about false accusations, and that does happen.

You are right on when you say there has to be a healthy way for people to blow off steam and this is one reason the forum is so popular. People can dump their frustrations while not being judged (generally) and then go back and be better caregivers.

Elder abuse is on the rise and must, indeed, be watched for. There are many subtle types of abuse such as being stingy with their money even though it's there for their care. There are also many overt types of abuse. It all needs to be stopped.

Carol
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No, but reading this site, I wonder if people forget that elder abuse is a real problem in this country.

Fussy parents or arguments over care aside, this question seems to ignore that is a recognized fact that elder abuse exists and is on the rise; physical, mental and financial.

Perhaps we should stop trivializing the subject and discuss how to stop it, including allowing people to blow off steam or get help on sites like this rather than take their frustrations out on their elders.
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This does happen, and because elders are so vulnerable authorities tend to believe them. It's a tough issue, because if they are being abused, we want them to be believed. But just like thinking their caregiver is stealing money, they sometimes think they are being abused - all untrue.

If they are of sound enough mind to make this malicious, then there is a huge problem. If they are obviously demented, it may be easier to document. Either way, social services will likely be involved. It's best if the caregiver and care receiver aren't too isolated from friends and neighbors for this reason, as the caregiver could have a little help from observers.

It's an ugly situation. I'm not too sure what can be done but get an evaluation of the mental state of the care receiver, get as many witnesses to as possible (doctors don't see bruises, neighbors see her neatly dressed, etc.). I feel for those this happens to, as often it's guilty until proven innocent.

Carol
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