My parents are at different stages. Dad is 90 and cannot walk or care for himself. We eventually decided to move him to a nursing home. We used C-care, which is a personal nursing care service in Toronto, where we live. Mom is 82 and OK on her own. Problem is, they refuse to be separated. Any suggestions?
In the US, a lot of placement has to be done a certain way if Medicare & Medicaid is paying. if its private pay, going to be a lot easier. My aunt - Alz & heavy sundowning - & Uncle - sharp but with cancer - moved into a single larger en suite in AL with daily paid "shadows" for aunt. The shadow was a CNA with a home health agency with ID but normal clothes; she was bonded too. All private pay.
For my mom, she went first to a CCRC (continuing care retirement community) when she was in IL, there was a lady in another IL apt who had her hubs in the NH unit of the CCRC. So although apart, the wife could see him everyday easily for companionship but relieved her of day to day caregiving. If there is a CCRC, perhaps this could work?
When mom finally moved into a NH, her second & better NH, had the rooms at the end of the hallways that were adjacent to the fire/stairwell for individual NH residents who had not in the NH spouses. These rooms as they are somewhat smaller technically cannot fit the 2 bed shared room required by Medicaid. The wives seems to visit almost everyday and had a good deal of privacy & a lil sofa in the rooms. One wife was a good 30 yrs younger but devoted & seemed to sometimes spend the night. A good facility is sensitive to this and can find a way to make things work.......good luck in yiur search.
Five years ago my parents were in a similar situation. One day I was visiting my dad in rehab and he said something to me that completely stunned me - left me speechless and awed. I can't share it - but for the first time in my life I realized how desperately and passionately my father loved my mother - always had and after 60 years of marriage always would. My parents had an extreamly volatile relationship - very complicated but in that moment I finally started to understand their love. Sooo - mom and daddy moved from their house into an independent living apartment and we hired a full time caregiver for dad. They only had another 16 months together when daddy passed. 3 1/2 years later my mom is alone in a nursing home - she talks often of how much she misses my dad. Almost every visit now she tells me the story of how they met. When she finishes I always say "it was love at first sight", and she says "yes, it was" and smiles.
Please try to do whatever you can to keep your parents together. I promise you - you won't regret it.