Can a POA stop me from seeing my nan?
my nan has dementia and is in a care home the power of attorney is my aunt and she has stopped me from seeing my nan so when I turn up at the carehome expecting to see my nan I'm told there is a note on her records not to let me & my baby in to see her! This is my aunts actions as I get on with my nan really well, my aunt has now told all the staff a password they have to hear for anyone to visit my nan but my Aunty is the only member of the family who knows this password and isn't giving it out for us to visit Can this be done as myself & others are desperate to visit our nan We have no contacts for my aunt to resolve this issue and when I did have a opportunity to ask her why see has done this she doesn't respond! Can she do this to the rest of the family? My nan doesn't get destressed when someone has left her so this isn't a excuse she can use Please please help me
In the meantime, send cards, photos, hand deliver to nurses' station.
Take a person who is allowed to visit Nan with you when you go.
That is unbelievable! No, literally...
Did you say you went to the bathroom so you did not see your Aunt?
What is unbelievable is that anyone, any staff at any care home would tell you this, or even pass on a message that reads:
" was told that I can't see her as my aunt has put this on her notes so was told I'd only see her at her funeral if I get a invite that is."
Who told you this?
Unbelievable.
I want to be supportive, and I understand about the lies family (your aunt?) can say to isolate your loved one, ban the family, good family. etc.
What is the motive, as you see it?
Then I would ask a friend of hers to make that visit and make sure she is o and not upset that she is not seeing anyone. I hate isolationism and it is illegal UNLESS there is a rationale behind it so tread with caution and CM's guidance is spot on...meanwhile make sure you don't stop treading as it were......
Your aunt can be as angry with you as she likes; and for all I know - because how would I know? - she may have very good reasons for that. But however angry she is, she can't use your grandmother to punish you. She must put your grandmother's best interests first, even if she herself never wants to see or hear of you ever again.
The only way you are going to persuade the home to let you in, overriding your aunt's instructions, is if you can persuade the authorities that contact with you and the rest of her family is in your grandmother's best interests, and ask them to act as your advocate.
The authorities will always put your grandmother's protection first. They will put having a quiet life second. But if you can give them really good reasons for helping you, they won't ignore you. What was the court case all about?
And, by the way, where is your mother or father in all this?
Call the council's social services department. It'll be under Essex County Council, I should think...
Okay, I'll send you a private message with the phone number. You need to ring these people, and tell them you are concerned that your grandmother is being denied visits from her family members without good, relevant reasons. They will be able to advise you.
Your grandmother is your Dad's mother, then, is she? How does he feel about the situation? Because to be honest it would probably be taken more seriously if the concern about your grandmother was raised by her son, rather than her granddaughter.
Whether a senior has asked not to have a certain visitor or someone has "conveyed" a "wish" which may not exist is a different question.
Yes my grandmother is my dads mum
Thank you so much for all the help I'm so grateful x
Well. All the same, no matter what the history, and given that you and especially your baby cannot be seen as posing any kind of risk to your grandmother, it should be beneficial for your grandmother to see you.
So let us begin negotiations. What you are aiming for is an agreement that you can visit your grandmother in ways that will not bring you into contact or conflict with your aunt.
For example, you could offer:
always to make an appointment;
to give at least 48 hours' notice;
to visit only at times your aunt has agreed to;
not to discuss family issues in your grandmother's hearing that might be upsetting or controversial.
It is important to realise that the home, probably Social Services, and the caring community at large are likely to sympathise with your aunt, as far as it goes. You see, your aunt has borne the full weight of caring for your grandmother over those years, and your father's way of supporting your aunt in this was to take her to court? Ouch!
But none of that is your grandmother's fault or your baby's fault, or your fault come to that. And not only your grandmother, but the other residents too would probably love seeing a baby around the place. So it isn't hopeless, but you will need to be extremely patient and steadily persistent.
The OP is walking a bit of a minefield. There are all sorts of things she can do, but if she just turns up at the home and demands to see her grandmother she'll get "bounced" and possibly banned on the grounds that she's creating a ruckus. I hope she'll get somewhere but it's not going to be easy.
See All Answers