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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Find out if eating is upsetting his stomach or if he is just stubborn. At the end of life patients stop eating because the body is shutting down. They lose weight and end up bedridden. At that point Hospice is usually called in.
Had lost control of everything else in her lufe, she was going to control what few decisions she had left. My friend cajoled, begged, and finally told her mother in law " You know if you dont eat, drink, and accept your medications that she was going to die?" Her MIL said yes she understood. Three weeks later she was in a coma, two more weeks later, she died. This lady's children or grandson never visited, her husband had oassed years before, and all her friends were gone, too. Sometimes the thought of continuing to live is more painful the alternative if living alone in pain. Im no expert, but my own dear Mom, who i was caring for and living with did the same thing, although it was more oassive aggressive. She had list my brother 18 months ago, all her family (except me ( had died. She told me a month before she died that she felt that she was holding me back from living my life. I believe when a oerson is ready to go home to our Lord, they give up. All i could do was pray for us both. It was very hard, but it would be selfish of me to want her back in this world, while she is at perfect peace, restored to perfect health, worshipping and praising God. I hope this rambling helps someone who needs to read it. My Mama was my best friend, but she had lost the will to live. I envy her and know God will call me home when He's ready for me!
Ultimately, it's your dad's choice. If it were me, I'd give dad something to live for. Encouragement, love, listening and sharing, inspiration, children, crafts, humor. I am vision-impaired, too. Nowadays there's incredible technology to help folks, such as voice-recognition software, audiobooks (which he is entitled to get for free, including a player), all kinds of education and learning opportunities, screen readers, etc.
I have taught memoir writing to older people. Many enjoy reflecting on their lives and telling their stories. In some situations you might have to write down what they say, or ask questions that inspire storytelling. I have been amazed at how older folks get really excited about this. They want to leave a piece of themselves for their grandchildren, or for the world.
You should bring it up to his doctor and have him assessed for depression and untreated pain. He may benefit from treatment.
Some older adults do decide they are done with life, and may voluntarily choose to stop eating and drinking. The NY Times published an article about this recently
Good luck, he is lucky to have you supporting him.
Abfhansen it's more than that surely Your Father in Law misses His Wife, Who's dead I'm guessing here, and He's on His own most of the time. Mobility is limited, and eye sight is very poor. I can't say that I'd blame the por Man. Every day He's looking into a dark hole, and can not see light. There seems to be NO HOPE, and the por Man is down right fed up. All Your Father in Law needs is some Person to sit and listen, some one to talk to, and Who Cares, The Man is dreadful lonely. Abfhansen I'm not blaming You as You very likely have Family to organise and Care for as well as Caring for Father in Law...My Mothers Uncle lost His sight when He was only 71 years of age, and Mam brought Him to Live with Us until He died at 95 years. I spent hours every day asking My Grand Uncle about the Civil War in Ireland....World War 11, and all the historical events in His Life time. The Man was a Genius. His mind was razor sharp, and Uncle Dan's recollections were as accurate as the history books. Needless to say We were Both on a winner. I loved every moment that I spent with My Uncle, and I'm sure Uncle loved having Me call to His bedroom so often every day for Long talks....People seem to think that old People are daft, well that is not the case at all. Our Elders are so kind, and genuine, and sincere..and if We just care to STOP and take time to listen to Our Elders We'd discover how interesting and knowledgable Our Senior Citizens are. When Mother passed away on the Longest day of this year, I was completely Lost, and after some weeks I joined this new voluntary service in Our Parish called VISIT THE ELDERLY, where I visit two Senior Citizens every week, and We visit in rotation and I absolutely love it. Too many of Our Senior Citizens are just left there, and eventually They loose Their will to Live. We are All guilty, as We should make time to visit Our Senior Citizens, because very soon We will be Senior Citizens Ourselves.
My husband and I were married for 63 yrs when he died. We were DNR and no heroic measures for many years so when he decided he would quit eating and drinking and said "I'm sorry, I've had it, I'm through" I respected his wishes. He had Parkinson's Disease and knew he would never get better. I googled 'death by dehydration' and 'death by starvation' and both items said there is no pain. His pain was knowing he would never get better. I feel I did the right thing for him - I respected his wishes - made him comfortable - he was with those he loved - and he was where he wanted to be and I wanted him to be - he died at home and I thank God every day that he gave me the strength to take care of him. My husband died 3 years ago. Joy
My husband had mild vascular dementia for several years, and then at age 72 suffered a massive stroke where the prognosis was that he would never walk or read again--even watching TV was difficult, as his central vision was gone and he could only see out of the sides of his eyes. The whole left side of his body was paralyzed, and he would have had to be fed with a feeding tube. He could still speak out of one side of his mouth, so he declined, and died in hospice within 2 weeks. He said he wasn't hungry, but his mouth became dry and the hospice worker swabbed his mouth and gave him ice. It is very hard for the caregiver to witness this slow starvation, but I truly believe he was in no pain and was ready to go. The priest came and gave the anointing of the sick to him, and that was all he wanted to die in peace--although he had never been a particularly religious man, that was his only request and was one I, an agnostic, was happy to see that he got it. I only hope my own passing is as peaceful.
I'm watching my husband die right now. It is so very hard. We love them and want to keep them with us but at some point, as many have said, we have to look at their quality of life. My husband chose to go and quit eating a few months ago and begged me to let him go. I begged him to stay, so he did, indeed, choose to stay. Now he eats. He sleeps 22-23 hours a day, getting up only to eat and go back to bed. He is incontinent and complains all the time about how bad he feels. He continues to lose weight in spite of the huge meals he eats. He had Parkinson's and advanced dementia. I have to ask myself what I've done. I think I will be ready next time he wants to go but it hurts so much.
Our first thought is always "what can I do to give my loved one a "longer" "better" life, and sometimes the answer is, let them choose for themselves. When my FIL began to refuse to eat, because he often couldn't keep any food down and he was embarrassed to be throwing up all the time-and he was physically and mentally exhausted.... he was hiding his pills I thought he'd swallowed...he refused to do anything for himself .It was time to respect that he was done. The last trip to the hospital, the dr said he could no longer live alone. The only option for us and him at that point was an NH. He chose to die. He lived one day past the dx to be moved into a NH. You have to respect that in the end, we're all going to die. I hope my family gives me the "right" to go when I want to and not try to make me hang on, feeling worthless, useless and awful.
I saw this with my father; we lost my mom five years earlier and the only thing keeping Dad going was worrying about me--the yougest and last kid still single. When I got engaged, Dad told me that he'd never met a man that he thought would take better care of me, and when his health starting going down he stopped eating. It took me several years to see that he really hadn't been feeling well and missed Mom terribly. My husband died of recurrent lymphoma after three relapses in ten years, and got to where he couldn't get food down, it just came back. The dr said it was a longstanding spot on his lung that had grown into a restriction on his esophagus and anything he tried to eat was not going down, and would get in to the lungs and cause aspiration pneumonia. He refused a feeding tube and was ready to go.
In reading your replies, I am humbled by how good God was to my Mom and myself. She had a major stroke and I got the privilege of holding her, comforting her, and telling her how much I loved her. She was able to understand and squeezed my hand in response. She had always told me to never hook her up to a machine i couldn't take her off of. She never woke up after surgery and had no brain activity. It was about 30 hours from the stroke to her death. It makes me cry now, but she had been suffering for years. Praise God! Death, where is thy victory, where is your sting? Christ has defeated the grave.
Maybe he has lost some sense of taste. Maybe he would like ice cream. Eat some in front of him and see what he does. Maybe some foods he will eat. Good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I have taught memoir writing to older people. Many enjoy reflecting on their lives and telling their stories. In some situations you might have to write down what they say, or ask questions that inspire storytelling. I have been amazed at how older folks get really excited about this. They want to leave a piece of themselves for their grandchildren, or for the world.
Some older adults do decide they are done with life, and may voluntarily choose to stop eating and drinking. The NY Times published an article about this recently
Good luck, he is lucky to have you supporting him.
When my FIL began to refuse to eat, because he often couldn't keep any food down and he was embarrassed to be throwing up all the time-and he was physically and mentally exhausted.... he was hiding his pills I thought he'd swallowed...he refused to do anything for himself .It was time to respect that he was done.
The last trip to the hospital, the dr said he could no longer live alone. The only option for us and him at that point was an NH. He chose to die. He lived one day past the dx to be moved into a NH. You have to respect that in the end, we're all going to die. I hope my family gives me the "right" to go when I want to and not try to make me hang on, feeling worthless, useless and awful.