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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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omg, POA is nothing except you can act in her behalf as if you were her. It does not make you Boss of the finances. check out Authorized Representaive or Voluntary Guardianship. remember Payable Upon Death on the accounts. all of this can be changed if the elder has a new Caretaker. and the ole saying, "you cant take it with it when you die". after people bankrupt the elder, they end up in a nursing home. usually elders cannot have cash or assets or anything sold within 3 years PRIOR to Nursing Home. enjoy each other while you can. relax.
Fred- check in with us so we know if this is helping you. Nanlinjoe - my situation exactly! I don't write checks for my parents, (yet), but do have POA. I also found a lot of cancelled checks to my sister, monthly, and the numbers kept getting bigger. Yet she bought herself a house and a car. My mother told me, "You don't understand, she needs help!" No, what she needed was a wake up call and a job!! Anyway.......that ended.
Cindy - your advise was good. Please try to be a little less obvious that you are advertising your services though. You might get a better response. We're all experts here because of what we do: care for aging people. Who do you care for?
I agree with all of the advice given by Liliput. I have a POA for my mom's finances. When she moved into an ALF and I had to take over paying all of her bills. I found MANY cancelled checks that mom had written to my brother and sister! They were using her as their personal ATM!! I put an end to that since any of mom's money has to be approved by me, before giving it to them. Not surprisingly, they are very angry at me for stopping the gravy train, but I need to manage mom's money so that she can afford ro live in the ALF and eventually a nursing home, if necessary. I keep very accurate records of all of mom's expenses such as beauty parlor or nail salon appointments, her ALF fee, her RX's, her telephone bills, etc. I have saved all of the checks written to my sibs as "CASH" in the event that they try to accuse me of taking money from mom. (I have never taken a penny from mom, even though I know that she would have given it to me if I asked).
There is no easy answer to this question. Everyone above is correct. Who has the POA for Durable Assets? If it's your brother you are going to have to fight to get that changed? Is your mother aware of what is happening? Is she mentally competent to make these decisions? Does anyone have POA? If not, you will need to have a conversation with her about caring for her finances. How is the money being drained? Is your brother spending it on himself? Because if he is this is financial elder abuse and it's against the law. Having a POA for Assets is a huge responsibility and there are fiduciary responsibilities that come with the agreement to take on that role. I have lots of information on my website about this very subject or you can email me directly. (Just check out my expert profile here) and send me an email. I wish I could offer you better advice, but I need to know more specifics about this situation. Please get some help with this. It's serious if your brother is depleting her account and it's not for her care.
Good point - my mom's signature is on her account (along with mine) - although my brother (who takes care of finances - not to be mistaken with the one who drains her) is her POA and does have the ability to withdraw (although there is no reason to). She is happy with this solution; if the balance is low I can simply transfer from my account (a separate account I contribute to for my mom). If I see abuse I can respectfully speak with my mom and also nicely reinforce the situation with my draining brother. It may not be the only or a perfect solution, but it is "a" solution. I wish you the best - it is very difficult to balance respect, enabling, required living expense, etc.
No Federal bank will allow withdrawals from any account without signature cards on file and proper ID. The main depositor must show acknowledgement of the second depositor's ability to withdraw. Now POA is a serious donation from the holder of accounts to another. Again, signatures are required. No one can "drain" her without her permission.
Fred - Is your brother POA? If he is and your mother is of sound mind, you can get that changed. But also important, what is happening that you feel is not right? Is your brother spending the money on himself or your mother? We need to know that to help you. :) Hang in there...
We had/have the same problem. Another brother took over, with POA, my mother's main account. To give my mom the ability to spend (and maybe even enable her to give to our brother who takes her money - because it is her choice), I opened an account in both our names. I deposit a small amount and monitor it on-line. She understands this is her play money and it is limited. Of course if she really needed or wanted to spend on something I will make it happen. Since she is in assisted living she doesn't need much. If she spends her limited funds on him, so be it.
If you have her Power of Attorney, you can put a stop to this immediately. Change her bank accounts and make sure you are a "signer" on the account. Inform the bank that only you and your mother should have access to this account. Put a password on the account that only you will know. Get new ATM bankcards that only you will have. If she has a charge account, cancel it and open a new one. (do not get a second card in your name, or you will be liable for the account.) Next, put a freeze on her credit report. That way, no one can take out a loan in her name without verifying her identity. You did not mention whether or not your Mom is giving him money behind your back. Your biggest problem may be trying to convince Mom that the bro is a big boy now and capable of handling his own problems. good luck
Is your mother competent to make decisions -- no dementia? Is your brother taking this money with her permission? Those are factors that are important to what you can/should do.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Nanlinjoe - my situation exactly! I don't write checks for my parents, (yet), but do have POA. I also found a lot of cancelled checks to my sister, monthly, and the numbers kept getting bigger. Yet she bought herself a house and a car. My mother told me, "You don't understand, she needs help!" No, what she needed was a wake up call and a job!! Anyway.......that ended.
Cindy - your advise was good. Please try to be a little less obvious that you are advertising your services though. You might get a better response. We're all experts here because of what we do: care for aging people. Who do you care for?
Have a good day everyone!
-SS
When she moved into an ALF and I had to take over paying all of her bills. I found MANY cancelled checks that mom had written to my brother and sister! They were using her as their personal ATM!! I put an end to that since any of mom's money has to be approved by me, before giving it to them. Not surprisingly, they are very angry at me for stopping the gravy train, but I need to manage mom's money so that she can afford ro live in the ALF and eventually a nursing home, if necessary. I keep very accurate records of all of mom's expenses such as beauty parlor or nail salon appointments, her ALF fee, her RX's, her telephone bills, etc. I have saved all of the checks written to my sibs as "CASH" in the event that they try to accuse me of taking money from mom. (I have never taken a penny from mom, even though I know that she would have given it to me if I asked).
Now POA is a serious donation from the holder of accounts to another. Again, signatures are required. No one can "drain" her without her permission.
-SS
Next, put a freeze on her credit report. That way, no one can take out a loan in her name without verifying her identity.
You did not mention whether or not your Mom is giving him money behind your back. Your biggest problem may be trying to convince Mom that the bro is a big boy now and capable of handling his own problems.
good luck