I’m a 53 yr old single mother, who has raised 3 children by myself. I work full-time and for 4 years, I've been taking care of my mother who has dementia. (My siblings refuse to help in any way). For the first time in 4 years, I took a week off and went on a vacation to visit my son & my daughter-in-law who are in the Navy. (All expenses paid by them) , while my other 31yr old son (who recently left the Army) & my 28 yr old daughter (who is a nurse) watch their grandmother. I went parasailing 350ft up, horseback riding, kayaking, paddle boarding, rock climbing (at a gym), went to museums and had a variety of different foods. It was wonderful.
However, since I’ve been gone, my mother’s dementia had gotten worse. My son told me that being in Iraq and Afghanistan was a lot easier than caring for his grandma. My daughter, being a nurse, had an easier time, but she works such long hours and has a family of her own, which made things difficult. I feel bad for asking them to care for her. My children told me that they have the utmost respect for me because they didn’t realize how difficult and stressful my life had become. I now remember what I’ve been missing (I use to be very active) and it’s harder than ever to readjust to caregiving. I now have to get used to it all over again, which is extremely stressful.
I recently went to the beach but my Mom came with and I was in charge of bathing her. And my daughter has special needs and she had some issues with being out of her comfort zone but I still had a great time and got the blues after we got home. I love the beach and I love to collect sea shells. And my daughter did so good in the ocean!! And I drank so much Corona! Now we have school and work and no more Corona. -well, not too much at least. ;) (sigh)
Maybe we should have a cyber vacation on here. We can all log on with our drink of choice , change our avatar to our dream destination and chat about what we wish we were doing-I.e- walking on the beach, horse back riding. IDK could be fun.
Good luck and think of those great vacation memories to get you through the hard times. Ahhh, I can feel the sand in my toes....
Sweet, but oh-so-stifling.
If you could get even 1 day a week to yourself to do the things you want to do, I know it would be huge, so if you could ask your kids to alternate 1 day every other week, I'll bet they'd be willing to do that to help keep your stress levels down.
You're lucky that you have such great kids that are willing to help out living close by - now you just need to get yourself to ask for that help. Good luck!
It may be getting to the time where she needs professional care, or where you need her to have professional care. You don't need to make decisions right away, but it may be time to start looking at possibilities. God bless you.
In any event, restarting after a break is tough. I recently spoke to elder services in my area and they suggested I get acquainted with an in home caregiver from their pool of vetted people. It did not sound super expensive and there is often govt. respite assistance if you are not wealthy. I hope to get someone who can come and check in and give her lunch when I want to go on a long hike or even stay over night for a short trip.