My father is in an AFC, with dementia, I am his legal guardian, As his home is 45 miles round trip from my home, with heat and electric kept on minimally (water is off, pipes are drained), can I be reimbursed for Mileage to care for this home, and check on it 2 or 3 days per week?
As far as reimbursement, who would be reimbursing you? If your father has funds, there is no reason why he can't pay you mileage for your trips. If Medicaid will be likely in his future, you should carefully document each trip so that it will be treated as reimbursement, and not a gift. A service contract written up by a lawyer would be an added layer of proof. If you father is already receiving help from Medicaid or some other program, I don't believe that any of these programs will pay you mileage. I reimburse myself from my mother's funds for any purchases I make for her (I keep receipts) and also for mileage to run errands and take her to appointments. My father wanted whoever did the work to be paid for their out-of-pocket expenses and I have been assured by an attorney that this will not be a problem as long as there is good documentation. I am not paid for my time.
If the pipes have been drained & the water has been turned off, why do you need to go there 2 or 3 times a week? People that leave their homes in the northeast to go to Florida for the entire winter do the same---turn of water, drain pipes---and maybe have someone check on the house once a month or so. It is unnecessary to check on your father's house 2 or 3 times a week.
If your father is never going to be able to go back to his house, you'd probably be better off selling it. Keeping electric & heat on for an empty house is a total waste.
Freqflyer had a FANTASTIC point that nobody ever thinks of----notifying the insurance company that the house is vacant. If something were to happen---like the house was broken into, the walls destroyed to access the copper pipes & the copper stolen, like what happened to a friend of mine---if the insurance company was not made aware that the house was vacant, to change the policy, they will not cover the repairs. My friend said that she didn't even know that her homeowner's insurance company needed to be notified that no one was living in the house----it was up for sale & they had already moved into another home. So, that is pretty important, actually.
I finally became more and more unavailable. She began turning to others: many times her needs are just excuses for people to entertain her. She's also a bottomless well in that respect. She never gets enough attention. I am so DONE!
Make sure your Dad's home insurance has been notified that the house is vacant... the insurance company might tack on an extra fee because the house is more of risk being empty..... otherwise if something did happen to the house and the insurance company wasn't notified the insurance company might not pay for full damage.
Part of detachment is refusing to play the part of the "loving daughter" in an abusive relationship: sick or not.
We aren't supposed to be judgmental here, just to give helpful answers. Elders make choices that impact their children. I would not expect my children to look after my home for nothing especially if I weren't living in it.
Now crazy 8 - We kept my mother's home for the past 5 years that she's been living with us. It has gone down a lot even though we pay a neighbor to look after the lawn and minor upkeep. The roof is now starting to go so that is a major expense. My mother's home is 3 hours away from us. renting it out is out of the question with this kind of drive, we are selling it. Think about that now rather than later when it could cost lots in fix up money.
To crazy8 - Maybe it's time to think about selling the house, if you don't think your father will ever be able to move back home. An empty house doesn't "keep" well.
Carol