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For those of you were tired of my posts, sorry. For those of you who understand how sick this whole thing is, thank you. To sum up, narcissistic mother left at age 13 (but waited until 13) to go to Europe. Depressed. Anxious. Never took responsibility. At age 17, called me every night about problems. Swore would never live in the same city with her. Did not come to wedding, graduations or pay for anything. One-way relationship.
I felt compassion and fear so tried to keep her at bay. Paid for her to live as she lost money and I wanted her FAR away from me. About 1.5 years ago, at 77, she had another life attack and was frozen after acting semi-decent. We saw her a couple times in 10 years. Maybe 15 days. Now for the past 1.5 years she emails 10 times a day (to multiple emails, from 5 emails, pretend rabbis), skypes, LinkedIn messages, facebook. I've blocked and blocked. I've called police in Florida 5 times. I've gone to police in San Francisco and filed a harassment order. I've spoken with lawyers. She has clearly stated that there is no way she is honoring boundaries at her age. She will not be decent. Not with her world crashing down. She will not stop. I am the only one. Doesn't want to be in St. Louis with my sister. Doesn't want to live alone in nice condo I offered to buy her. I'm still working through how to not feel guilty and how to be okay with not knowing her whereabouts. She really doesn't leave the room in the hotel. She really is miserable. But, she won't agree to anything but me coming to save her and that's not happening. She is evil and conniving and manipulative. I need some more support. Yes, counselor supports me to meditate, set boundaries. She will not honor any. Interrupts my daily life and my thoughts and my activities. Uploading to police file now. More time. Her sick thinking is that she gave birth to me and I owe her my life.

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If she is outside your building or at your door, call 911.

Please stop being afraid of this paper tiger.

So she's outside. Does she have weapons?
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You don't have a new question for us, and we have none but the answers we have already given you.

You are making decisions for your own life based on I am uncertain exactly what. You already have done this for years, and you know the outcome. You are enabling your mother by spending on her and attempting to make her happy. Her limitations will never allow her to be happy, so you are wasting your own life. No one can stop you from throwing yourself on this sacrificial pyre.

This is entirely in your own hands.
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You stopped sending her money and she didn't die, didnt show up on your doorstep. None of the terrible things you imagined happened. Now onto the next step, completely cutting her out of your life as if she us already dead. Cell phones have an amazing feature called call block. Use it. Constantly calling soneone is against the law it's called harassment. Press charges. If she shows up at your house do not open the door call 911. Live your life.
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Ocdtrauma70 Sep 2023
Yes, she has 170K in the bank account. I get 9 calls somedays. She screams that I am a murderer and killing her. Along with 10 emails. It's not going to stop but I'll take it day by day.
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Regarding my use of the term "mentally ill":

I used that term advisedly. Many posters who come here have grown up with mentally ill parents who've told them that THEY are the ones who are not fitting in, not normal.

The OP who has lived with lifelong craziness deserves to know that their parent is very off balance and that damage has been done to their perception of reality.
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Beatty Sep 2023
So true.

It must be such a weight to be under.
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I am starting to doubt that the OP cut off her mother financially.
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lealonnie1 Sep 2023
Bingo.
"My husband will monitor the 1 email account channel we keep open. If this is foolish, maybe but I will follow this and I will not fund her next year if she violates. That is going to be hard. She will go nuts. She won't spend $20 on an uber with $170,000k in the bank. She won't spend a nickel, so a hoarding disorder on top, with depression and anxiety."
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In a nutshell. The OP's Mom reports as mentally ill &/or unstable.

The OP is has self-named herself OCDtrauma.

The OP can choose to seek therapy, to be open to new ways to respond to her world. Or not.

Choose to stay entwined into this, stay a victim. Let this Mother-obsession rule her life. Or not.

I wish you clarity & courage OCD.
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Have you stopped giving her money?
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You need to stop. Really. You ignore every suggestion and any practical advice you're given.

The problem isn't your mother. It's with you. As long as you continue to play her games and I think a few of your own, nothing can improve or change with your situation.
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Ocdtrauma70 Sep 2023
I did not ignore every suggestion. I went to the police, blocked phonecalls, changed emails, and have not spoken with her in a year. I took advice. I watched videos for alanon. Detaching her problems, my problems.
I've done quite a lot! I've stopped sending her money. I won't see her.
But she emails my work constantly from 5 emails, pretend emails. I guess the next thing I have to do is just delete. Hard to not see my voicemail full on my phone. It's all blocked. Have not answered one of 250 voicemails.
I guess there is nothing other than to accept to call police if she shows up.
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Hi OCD - I believe that you feel comfortable using people.  I feel bad saying that, but I can't think of a more diplomatic way to say it.  And maybe, if you begin to help others, you'll move past consuming yourself on yourself - and your situation with your mother - which is more manageable than you make it out to believe. You come and go on this site only when you Need the attention to talk about you and the exact same facts. I think it's an entitled and self-important mindset - others on this site rally behind you and have poured their hearts out - and then you remain as is...only to expect a new round of the same rallying weeks or months later - and without ever giving yourself back to others. You say that your mother only thinks of herself. You don't want to be like her, do you? 

In a prior (but very similar post), you left some alarming news late in the day about your mother having just messenged you that she is going to kill herself. Others continued to write to you for support - but you left it silent after that. And you wrote back the next day the thoughts you had while you were at the theater the nite before. You were fine enough to go to a show, but I do believe that you left that climax as is so as not to respond back to others on this site that your mother was checked on and ok because it added to the drama.

I see question marks in your story - again on this post, you're referencing that she didn't pay for your wedding 20 years ago? I thought that's more of a father thing to do anyway - and, seriously, some people pay for their own wedding. She probably wasn't invited to your wedding and graduation, but you write your post in a way that makes her negligent. I think your narrative enables you to get exactly what you want and need - which is for people to support you in not hearing and speaking ever to your mother and relieving the guilt - and to feel sorry for you. But, you've heard it all already. Do you see this as taking advantage of others' good nature and time by continuing to say the same advice again to you? 

You're sending her photo and story to your entire townhouse community like she's some kind of armed, deranged fugitive - and to be on the look-out because she's dangerous - but, in reality, she's not. She's just a drama queen and neurotic - and pathetic. And that's about it. So, I really think you need to put your mother in perspective - because there are some really hideous mothers out there - physically and verbally toxic, violent and abusive - who have caused way worse. I'm truly not trying to minimize your own suffering with her, but rather trying to get you out of your own self.
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lealonnie1 Sep 2023
And this post will likely garner 100 comments too, as it's already up to 21. To be so afraid of a 77 year old neurotic drama queen to THIS extent is unreal.
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Ok,, to the point, she has been threatening to come to you for AT LEAST 1 1/2 years,, but she not here yet! I think this is all hot air from her to keep you riled up, and it's working. Actually block her, not just "don't read the emails and check your phone calls later",, BLOCK HER and stop reading anything/listening to anything. HArd I know but it may get easier with time if you just pretend she is gone. And if by chance she does show up.. look her right in the eyes and ask "Who are you", and "Nope, OCD does not live here" and if you do not leave I will be calling the police. After all,, you haven't see her in years!
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