Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
More than we care to admit. As our parents' lives come full circle, those like you who truly love their parents can't bear the thought of losing them. Perhaps guilt-ridden for not being the model son/daughter they supposedly always wanted, we seek atonement by making ourselves do without the things that make life worth living. What is becoming severely depressed, dysfunctional, and making others around us miserable going to accomplish? Is it going to make your parents love you any more or any less? Do you think that their lives will be enhanced and extended by watching their son/daughter unravel before their eyes?
If you truly want to keep them comfortable and happy -- which is practically all you can do at this stage --, make an effort to enjoy your own life to the fullest, stay healthy, and don't entertain any silly "sacrifices" to make up for past behaviors. What's really important is what you do from this day forward.
Crowe, I'm sure your question will resonate with almost any caregiver visiting this site....it certainly does with me. The question of where "to draw the line" is always at the forefront of my mind, and many others of us.....where to draw the line between caring for Mom and Dad and caring for ourselves and our own spouse and family, so that we the caregivers can survive ourselves, and have good mental and physical health along with the elders under our care. Ultimately I have found that my best answer to this difficult question is to try to tune into what God is guiding me to do. This means listening to God and not feeling guilty if other people question my decisions, think me selfish for taking care of myself and my husband, etc. I simply answer to God. ( He's the One I'm going to have to answer to at the pearly gates.) And I truly believe that God doesn't want to destroy me in this process; He just wants me to be faithful to my father to the point that He is asking me to. In prayer, I feel that answer come from the Lord. And as Jesus said: "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." And I do believe that. As long as I listen to God, and not to others, or to a neurotically guilty conscience, I can keep going doing this job and hold it together.
You are doing the best you can...that is obvious. It is obvious that you are a good, caring man. You are a loving, kind person and you are good to your parents, Crowe.
I meant to say "good to your mother" because just remembered you are caring for your mother right now. But I'm sure you were just as caring to your father.
I really like your additional insight about wanting to "guilt-ridden for not being the model son/daughter they supposedly always wanted, we seek atonement by making ourselves do without the things that make life worth living."
We can't atone for our own imperfections anymore than our parent's can atone for their own.
anne123 , thanks for your validating and supportive response. Yes, I'm dong the best that I can for my mother. My dad is still living but in much better physical and mental health at 86. However, he has cut me out of anything about his future care by giving in to a very domineering and jealous wife who is my step-mother which had led to her daughter and her husband getting both durable POA and Medical POA over them without me being listed as a back up possibility like he had done almost 10 years ago when he wrote one up with me being next after his wife. He will not discuss this at all. He and his wife have written in their wills that who ever dies first will get all of the other's estate, but when that surviving person dies it will be divided between me and her two children. I never understood why he married her for socially, educationally, and in terms of outlook on life they are worlds apart. I guess she was a very good secretary? But she's a gold digger. I could easily see her outliving him and then re-writing the will, which some have done, and leaving me totally out. They live 6 hours away. The last time we visited, my step-mother showed how much of a BPD drama queen she can be. So, that the direction he's chosen to go and that's his decision. I do remember she wrote a poem for him one time that she read in my presence and it closed saying "and in the end you will see that I have won." I think he puts up with this because he carries so much guilt from his first marriage ending in divorce plus his strict Roman Catholic childhood which included a mother who committed suicide. I'm not surprised by this.
I think it is possible to really love someone and accept that they are going to die particularly if we are at peace with our own eventual death. I've seen so many die from an early age in my extended family; had several situation in which I almost died, and in my previous life as I call it, I've seen people die many times in the ER and in hospital rooms. Death is a fact and not everyone dies exactly the same.
Life is not about the dead, but about the living and yet every living person at some point will die. So, from how I see it, not making a martyr or a lamb of atonement for not being the perfect child, but taking sound care of ourselves is to some degree part of what it means to let the dead bury the dead.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
More than we care to admit. As our parents' lives come full circle, those like you who truly love their parents can't bear the thought of losing them. Perhaps guilt-ridden for not being the model son/daughter they supposedly always wanted, we seek atonement by making ourselves do without the things that make life worth living. What is becoming severely depressed, dysfunctional, and making others around us miserable going to accomplish? Is it going to make your parents love you any more or any less? Do you think that their lives will be enhanced and extended by watching their son/daughter unravel before their eyes?
If you truly want to keep them comfortable and happy -- which is practically all you can do at this stage --, make an effort to enjoy your own life to the fullest, stay healthy, and don't entertain any silly "sacrifices" to make up for past behaviors. What's really important is what you do from this day forward.
Ate logo meu amigo.
-- ED
You are doing the best you can...that is obvious. It is obvious that you are a good, caring man. You are a loving, kind person and you are good to your parents, Crowe.
I really like your additional insight about wanting to "guilt-ridden for not being the model son/daughter they supposedly always wanted, we seek atonement by making ourselves do without the things that make life worth living."
We can't atone for our own imperfections anymore than our parent's can atone for their own.
anne123 , thanks for your validating and supportive response. Yes, I'm dong the best that I can for my mother. My dad is still living but in much better physical and mental health at 86. However, he has cut me out of anything about his future care by giving in to a very domineering and jealous wife who is my step-mother which had led to her daughter and her husband getting both durable POA and Medical POA over them without me being listed as a back up possibility like he had done almost 10 years ago when he wrote one up with me being next after his wife. He will not discuss this at all. He and his wife have written in their wills that who ever dies first will get all of the other's estate, but when that surviving person dies it will be divided between me and her two children. I never understood why he married her for socially, educationally, and in terms of outlook on life they are worlds apart. I guess she was a very good secretary? But she's a gold digger. I could easily see her outliving him and then re-writing the will, which some have done, and leaving me totally out. They live 6 hours away. The last time we visited, my step-mother showed how much of a BPD drama queen she can be. So, that the direction he's chosen to go and that's his decision. I do remember she wrote a poem for him one time that she read in my presence and it closed saying "and in the end you will see that I have won." I think he puts up with this because he carries so much guilt from his first marriage ending in divorce plus his strict Roman Catholic childhood which included a mother who committed suicide. I'm not surprised by this.
I think it is possible to really love someone and accept that they are going to die particularly if we are at peace with our own eventual death. I've seen so many die from an early age in my extended family; had several situation in which I almost died, and in my previous life as I call it, I've seen people die many times in the ER and in hospital rooms. Death is a fact and not everyone dies exactly the same.
Life is not about the dead, but about the living and yet every living person at some point will die. So, from how I see it, not making a martyr or a lamb of atonement for not being the perfect child, but taking sound care of ourselves is to some degree part of what it means to let the dead bury the dead.