I am in at a difficult time. DW is currently in a hospital and is stable for everything that is going wrong.
I took her in because I could no longer care for her at home. She could not stand or walk. She was eating less and less. She would chew some bites of food for up to 15 or 20 minutes. She is non-verbal though she can follow some directions such as turn over, raise your head.
She was finally found to have a UTI as well as poorly functioning kidneys. All are being treated and she is stable or still improving.
Initially she was in the neuro ward and was stable so they were preparing to discharge her to re-hab when all hell broke loose. A-FIB. Her heart and bp went bonkers. Her face turned bright red and all of the alarms were going off. The PA system started with the announcement "Rapid response team to room XXX." Suddenly people and machines started arriving. About twelve people and various machines including the crash cart crowded into the room with her and me. I got out of their way, sat in a corner while they did their thing, and started to cry. After about 30 to 45 minutes they started to leave. I was informed that DW would be moved to IMC floor.
The staff on IMC is really wonderful. She is receiving very good care but I was told to start looking at hospice. I know she will never fully recover to where she was just last week. She continues to eating problems. She can swallow but most of the time she refuses to swallow. We have had to suck dissolved food stuff from her mouth. She has not had enough food intake to have a bowel movement though she has expelled gas. Urinating is not a problem.
Still on a saline drip to help her kidney function. She was receiving D5W for nutrition. The swallowing thing I feel is dementia related as well as her dislike of taking meds.
Hospice was called and it seemed as though their suggestion was to let her go. I understood them to mean let her starve to death. That seems to me to be cruel. Though I know that is where she is currently heading. I know I need to find out whether I should try to get her into a facility or bring her home from some one.
If she were to come home at least she could watch her Filipino Channel. I think she would like that and it might be easier for her former friends to crawl out of the woodwork to visit her. I doubt that would happen.
I guess, like nearly all of us here I don't like the idea of her passing but I am having guilt thoughts that if I proceed along the recommended lines I am actually killing her or at least assisting in it.
Today she was restless and turned toward me, so I held her and she actually put her mitten covered hands round me. I like to think she was saying she loved me but I don't know if she was trying to say something else.
If she comes home I need to find out if the IV would/should be continued.
No feeding tube is recommended. Fine I understand most of that. She would just try to remove it anyway unless I kept her hands covered.
This is a very difficult decision to make. If you have any comments or suggestions I would appreciate them. This part is going to be a very lonely and difficult time.
Thank you for listening and commenting. gotta go now. This screen getting very blurry.
Thanks for the reply. Oh yes, taking off her shoe, chasing after a person who beat you up and hitting them in the back! Wow! Now that’s a brave lady for sure and she most certainly loved you. I’m so proud of her! I know you are too.
52 years of marriage is quite an accomplishment! Very rare these days but when two people are well suited for each other it’s easy to share a lifetime with them. If only all marriages were like yours, this world would be a better place.
Thank you so much for your update. All of us caregivers will be going through the final stages at some point. Your post of your love for your wife and your loving caring manner is just amazing! Your post and Others like your’s makes me want to be a better caregiver. Hugs 🤗 ❤️❤️
One thing I saw in your post was your concern to protect your wife from ID theft. For my mother--and my stepfather too--it was important to me to protect them, my final act to ensure they were protected.
I sent a certified death certificate with a cover letter to one of the credit agencies, Experian, I believe. The three credit agencies share that information between themselves. This will annotate their credit accounts that they are deceased and should stop any bad people cold.
Take care of you. {hug}
She will live in your heart forever! She knows how much you loved her. I believe that with all my heart.
How long were you married? Can you please share your favorite memory.
I have many favorites from my husband but one of my favorite memories was when we were dating. He picked me up from work. I did not own a car. I would take two buses to work. Sometimes he’d pick me up. One day he had a beautiful present for me. I was shocked. I told him that it wasn’t my birthday, valentines or Christmas so why the gift? He said, because I love you. Melted my heart. It was an expensive bottle of French perfume. I cherished it. I had never owned French perfume before and it was a lovely gift.
After we were married we shared a car for many years. I would drop him off at a carpool for his ride to work, then I drove myself to work, then pick him up in the evening to go home. We did that for years. He saved up for a new car for me. We drove a second hand Volkswagen that lasted forever!
Well, I wrecked that car! Had a terrible accident and was so scared to tell him. His response was, “Are you okay? The car is a hunk of metal and I don’t care about it. The car can be repaired.” I knew right then, I certainly married the right man 😊.
I am sure you have many beautiful memories.
Hugs!
As you know Luz passed away on March 21,2019. She was buried on March 30, 2019. Luz is buried in our family cemetery. At least there she is surounded by family and friends. She will not go unnoticed and forgotten.
It was a miserable day. Cold, windy, and raining. The rain let up a little during the grave side services. The rest of the day it was on and off again downpours. Temps were near freezing.
The funeral home services were good. The grave side services were good. Not a whole lot of people but that was expected because of the weather. We were short one pall bearer.
Believe it or not the young man there to set the vault actually came running in to help. He helped my aging , crippled Aunt to her her seat from the car to the seat in his work clothes. then helped with the casket to get it in the correct spot.
It was wet and muddy. I think I have caught a cold.
If Luz talked to Mother Nature, Luz was not happy and let us know it.
As expected, both funeral homes did a very good job preparing her . She looked beautiful and comfortable. They even did her finger nails. I had given them a budget to purchase her clothing. She is wearing a white turtleneck that has a floral pattern on the top part and black slacks. Make up and hair were very good.
I am working on choosing and designing the stone. I will fax that off this week, I hope.
I have started the legal stuff. Banks, SSA, health insurance. life insurance, etc. I want to get this done as soon as possible to do as much as I can to protect her reputation from ID theft It may sound like I may trying to get rid of her but in fact I feel like I am still protecting her from villans. I am trying to prevent some scum that crawls out of the sewers from using her good name for crimes. It is not easy and I have to sit in the parking lot a few minutes afterwards to regain a safe driving condition.
Some people I came into contact with ask about my trip and were embarrassed when I told them the reason for my trip and how it went. Every one wanted to be happy and I could not be happy. Sorry.
It will take weeks to finish what is left to do. But that is part of the job. For me it is keeping her memory alive and safe.
I’m so sorry and feel so badly for you. What a great husband you were. It’s rare to see the level of dedication you had. I know she appreciated all your efforts.
Even though she is not physically present, her essence (soul) lives on. You have wonderful memories to call on. I’m sorry no one is close to you in your area but we’re here 24/7.
I just lost lost my mom on Friday and the people on this board have be lifesavers. Please keep in touch as we all need each other.
God if bless you in the days ahead.
Sue
Hugs to you!
You were a blessing to Luz and she was indeed blessed to be your spouse.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know we are here for you.
Hugs
The disease won.
She had been in hospice less than a week and was heavily sedated. Luz seemed to be rested and was having breathing difficulties. Respiration was low. BP this morning was 63/39. I knew it would not be long.
I was talking with a neighbor about funeral homes in the area when hospice me.
Now the legal fights start.
Thank all of you for your advise and support.