Mother still alive father was dying. Sis went thru mom's room stole and changed will. Dad has now died. Sis bullying mom not to talk to us. Sis took me off as executor added her and one brother. this was done while dad was dying. She went thru moms room took all expensive jewelrey. mom too afaid to say anything. Dad has since died. Mom is so afraid to let me see will filed in probate, as last page of will filed at home is missing, she gets mad at me for asking.There are 5 kids. Mom wants all to have equal of estate. One brother is ill and needs his share to live when mom passes. I hate seeing mom so brain washed. Anything we can do?
I agree with Mincemeat above, take your mother to an attorney and have her draw up a new Will using whomever she wants as Executor, and to draw up a Power of Attorney for medical and for financial. Best to use an Elder Law attorney as they are most up to date with all the elder laws.
Elder Law attorneys are pretty sharp, they can tell if an elder is being brainwashed into making changes to a legal document. And they will help the elder make their own decisions, as long as the elder is still of clear mind.
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But then you wrote:
"She really thinks will was not changed as they told her that. I'm sure it has."
Do you know for a fact that the will was altered or are you merely "sure it has" been?" Perhaps I'm missing something here?
And how do you know that your sister calls every night from California cautioning your mother against going any place with either or your sister?
If your mother isn't communicating these events, how are you learning about them? Also, why would you need a POA to observe how your mother's dementia is changing?
Where is your mother living? In the same area as you?
I'm just trying to understand the situation here.
Care for dementia is EXPENSIVE. Unless your parents had a very large estate it is very likely that your mom's care the rest of her life will eat up all of her assets, and there won't be anything left for anyone to inherit. Is the estate extensive? If not, it may not even last the rest of Mom's life. She may need to apply for Medicaid, as so many elders do.
See an Elder Law attorney and explain the situation. See if there are steps you can take to protect your mother from undue influence.
And then focus your attention on the actual caregiving that your mother is going to need. Learn about dementia. Learn about local resources. Prepare for the long haul here, because it can get to be a very long haul indeed.
Your sister, the POA, may be a greedy witch. You know her; I don't. But I know that it is very common for a person with early stage dementia to get a little (or lot) paranoid and worry about their possessions. So they hide them. And when they can't remember where (or even that they hid them) they think their paranoia is justified -- "See, I told you someone is stealing my stuff!" In this light I ask how you know your sister stole some jewelry? If you are going on what Mother told you, that could turn out to be quite wrong.
How often do you visit your mother (and not just talk on the phone)? Does one of your other sibs live closer or visit more often?
You *could* take her to a lawyer, establish that she has capacity, get a new will drawn up, ask her to give you POA and so on and so forth; and then what will your sister do about that, do you suppose? Presumably what she has just done: come flying back in, take your mother to a lawyer, have herself appointed etc etc etc etc.
If your father's will is going through probate then sooner or later you will see what your mother is afraid to show you anyway; let's guess that you won't like it but it's too late and too bad.
The best you can aim for is to progress more constructively from here. Your mother is not a pinball - leave her out of it. Talk to your *sister*, and your other three siblings, and among the five of you sort out a plan that will respect your mother's wishes and provide for her welfare.