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Well you need to have an honest conversation with your sister in a positive manner and ask how you can help and request that quarterly you both go over the finances. If she refuses hear her out and discuss concerns. Not much you can do if she has POA without taking her to court and requesting transparency. Not easy.
Is she spending money on herself with that charge card, or is she using it to buy things for the household and your parents?
Do you have any evidence to back your suspicion that she is using it for herself?
Is she taking care of them? (Caregiving) Is she getting paid for it?
The banks I've dealt with are extremely careful about adding signers to an account, and often won't accept a POA document for this purpose. I would think one of your parents would have had to authorize this. Having access to their account is one way a POA can carry out the responsibilities of that role. For example, she needs to be able to pay bills.
Is your sister is really stealing from your parents, you have a valid concern to protect their interests.
But tread carefully here. Don't go at this as an accusation. Rather try to have a reasonable, non-confrontational conversation with your sister. She'll be your sister for the rest of your lives, and it would be a shame to tarnish that relationship unnecessarily.
Just as an example: Your sister bought herself new shoes with parents' charge card. After she did a particularly difficult task for them they urged her to get new shoes, on them. Now that may not be the best way to handle things, but it is not the same a stealing from them, would you agree?
I was POA for my Mom and would periodically purchase things for my Mom for my Mom. Like a new robe and slippers, etc. I made sure to document everything and kept every receipt just in case there were ever any questions. Turns out there never were but at least I covered my ass just in case.
My brother on the other hand, claimed he sold an unused Murphy bed that my Mom had. I asked him to deposit the money he claimed he got for it into my Mom's account but it never happened so either he dumped the bed and never sold it or he just pocketed the money. Guess we'll never know.
I would try and have an honest conversation with your sister and parents. Its important to get this out in the open. Money can ruin so many families. My parents always trusted me with their money. I ran the household for them and paid the bills. As the others have suggested try and find out what the money is being used for her. Your sister could be using the money to buy their groceries or monthly supplies. If possible seek family counselling if you think that will help.
I am my Moms POA, and she is still pretty mentally with it. When we go to Costco she always pays the bill with her CC or has us take it. We buy groceries, her vitamins, etc. And yes, sometimes we buy a book or a new TV for the house (she uses the TVs) . I am sure this would look bad if we had other family to report to, but she likes doing this and feels it's "her share" for living with us (no rent paid, etc) She also pays for gas once in awhile as "we drive her around". So I agree with Jeannie.. unless it;s a major type purchase you know your mom is not using.. like a new wardrobe for sis..maybe take a kinder look at this. Is your sister getting any pay for her POA duties? And is the amount excessive? Sometimes the little things are just that..
Another thing to consider.. do you parents like to "stock up"? My mother never wants a pack of 36 TP rolls,, we have to buy 2.. and 4 coffees at a time! My mom is a "stocker upper"//LOL Could be those expenses are due to something like this?
Bad things have happened in the past and elder services was contacted. My parents are no longer capable of understanding what was going on. With out going into detail my sister was able to lie her way out of it even though bank records showed wrong doing. Recently a package came addressed to my parents. Let's just say it wasn't ment to be delivered to them. My concern is her total control over all their assets. Is there any recourse after my parents pass if she has changed their final wish to benefit her ?
I can't imagine lies taking precedence over bank records. Who exactly investigated?
In some states, the POA document requires that the POA file annual accounts with the court that show what was spent and why. I'd see if that is required in your state. Some POA documents waive that requirement.
If you feel strongly enough about it, I'd consult with an Elder Law attorney and explore your options. You may be able to file for Guardianship and explain to the court why the current POA is a poor choice. At that time, you can challenge her word over the bank records.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do you have any evidence to back your suspicion that she is using it for herself?
Is she taking care of them? (Caregiving) Is she getting paid for it?
The banks I've dealt with are extremely careful about adding signers to an account, and often won't accept a POA document for this purpose. I would think one of your parents would have had to authorize this. Having access to their account is one way a POA can carry out the responsibilities of that role. For example, she needs to be able to pay bills.
Is your sister is really stealing from your parents, you have a valid concern to protect their interests.
But tread carefully here. Don't go at this as an accusation. Rather try to have a reasonable, non-confrontational conversation with your sister. She'll be your sister for the rest of your lives, and it would be a shame to tarnish that relationship unnecessarily.
Just as an example: Your sister bought herself new shoes with parents' charge card. After she did a particularly difficult task for them they urged her to get new shoes, on them. Now that may not be the best way to handle things, but it is not the same a stealing from them, would you agree?
My brother on the other hand, claimed he sold an unused Murphy bed that my Mom had. I asked him to deposit the money he claimed he got for it into my Mom's account but it never happened so either he dumped the bed and never sold it or he just pocketed the money. Guess we'll never know.
I would try and have an honest conversation with your sister and parents. Its important to get this out in the open. Money can ruin so many families. My parents always trusted me with their money. I ran the household for them and paid the bills. As the others have suggested try and find out what the money is being used for her. Your sister could be using the money to buy their groceries or monthly supplies. If possible seek family counselling if you think that will help.
Another thing to consider.. do you parents like to "stock up"? My mother never wants a pack of 36 TP rolls,, we have to buy 2.. and 4 coffees at a time! My mom is a "stocker upper"//LOL Could be those expenses are due to something like this?
In some states, the POA document requires that the POA file annual accounts with the court that show what was spent and why. I'd see if that is required in your state. Some POA documents waive that requirement.
If you feel strongly enough about it, I'd consult with an Elder Law attorney and explore your options. You may be able to file for Guardianship and explain to the court why the current POA is a poor choice. At that time, you can challenge her word over the bank records.