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Or give me a one week break a year. Can I take any legal action against her or have my name removed for POA leaving her solely responsible for my fathers well being? He has dementia.
POA d caregiver have nothing to do with each other. You can have financial POA and that only gives you the authority and responsibility of acting in financial matters. You can have a healthcare POA and that only allows you to make decision regarding treatment or placement.
Now, you can be a caregiver and POA - which it looks like you are saying that you are but that just means that you hold two unrelated positions.
Having your name removed as POA will not relieve you of the burden of caring for your father because it isn't really your "burden" so much as you volunteered for it. Maybe use your POA powers to pay for respite care or a facility.
Maybe when she sees her future inheritance being spent on his care, she will help out more. Who knows. But, it has nothing to do with POA.
I slightly hesitate to ask, because it sounds as if you and your sister have just had a discussion and it didn't go so well, but what sort of help have you talked to her about?
I agree with Mom2Mom that a better option would be for you to use your father's resources to pay for professional respite care. Suppose your sister did back down, and did come and look after your dad for a week: seriously, you do not want someone inexperienced AND resentful doing that job.
I can imagine that you feel she's not pulling her weight - I'd think so too, in your shoes - but there might be other, better ways for the two of you to co-operate. And besides: the #1 priority is that you get a break. Eyes on the prize.
Tip, unless the POA provides that you provide equal care (which I doubt since that's not the purpose of the document), you have absolutely no grounds on which to sue her for breach of duties. I doubt any self respecting attorney would even consider representation for this kind of suit. Sorry.
Tlparker, does your sister feel that Dad needs a higher level of care, and you prefer to keep him in his home? Sometimes it takes tough love to get someone to see the forest for the trees.
Anyone can be a person's caregiver, they do not need to have Power of Attorney. The POA does makes it easier if you need to make medical decisions for your father if he is in the hospital, etc.
As for removing your name, only your father can do that, and I doubt he is able to do that at this point in time.
To take legal action can be very costly if you can even find an attorney would even bother with such a minor situation [I know, it's not minor to you]. Use that money to put Dad into Respite care so you can catch your breath. You might find that Dad likes being in Assisted Living/Memory Care.
Or hire professional Caregivers from an Agency to fill in while you take a break.
Being a caregiver and being DPOA are separate actions.
Your sibling does not have to provide care. There would be no benefit for filing suit. DPOA is about oversight of their person and assets; DPOA is under no requirements to caregive. Your Dad did co-DPOA and if there is disagreement 1 DPOA will be unhappy. Most DPOA are just done for 1 person.
Your view of what should be done for care is probably very different than your sibling. I'd bet they view your caregiving is totally your choice and that is their right. Perhaps they would have Dad placed into a facility with 24/7 professional staff for caregiving and get him eligible for Medicaid to pay for his stay. If you can, please please try to have a clear calm discussion with your sister on the situation with Dad and agree on a plan for his care.
? out of curiosity, are you living at Dads house and do you work other than caregiving for Dad?
I agreed to be caregiver because no one else in family would help. Sister told me he is my problem just deal with it. My father has dementia and he is quite the rattlesnake. I moved him next door to me at my apartments because the only time I've seen him cry is when he asked me not to put him in a home. He is fully aware of where he lives is not a nursing home but somewhere where he feels safe. Even his Doctor is anti nursing home. Seven days a week going on three years can break a person. Any suggestion on sites to deal with loners with dementia and for caregivers. I think I need therapy/Jesus to rid anger against my family members who I feel abandon us.
Having him go to a care center for respite for you for a week or two is NOT "putting him in a nursing home." Bringing in professional caregivers so you aren't doing this 24/7 alone is NOT abandoning him.
You would like family members to step up and do their share. Of course you would. Who could blame you? But we don't always get what we want, and in that case we need some other ways to meet our goals.
Sister won't help? Use Dad's funds to hire someone.
So let me get this straight. You and your sister have shared POAs for your father with dementia and she is not giving you a break because you are doing all the work. Right? You can sue anyone for anything, but all you will do is be spending your money (unless you have tons). So, you either hire someone to care for your father for a week while you have respite (take a trip by yourself), or tell your sister to step up to the plate. I guess she doesn't want to which is a sad thing considering your father cannot speak for himself. He is basically helpless and any daughter who would not help out in these circumstances - well, there will be a special place for her in hades...only my thoughts.
Some of us have the unique ability to be a caregiver. Some of us don't. Your sister doesn't. You know how hard it is, not everyone can do what you do. Recognize that and know your dad is better off without sis caregiving. She would if she felt she could. So, find respite for dad two weeks a year, have caregivers come in on a weekly basis so you have even a few hours for you each week to do something for you.
It will eventually be necessary to move dad from his adjacent apartment to a higher level of care where he will have 24/7 care. It may be easier on him now rather than later. An easier transition while he can still figure some things out.
I agree with what has been said so far. Don't bother your sister again about it; tell your father he's won a vacation at a resort and take him to a care center for the week or two you need to get away. Assure him of the date you're going to come and take him home again. Enjoy your time away! If your sister screams about it, act surprised and tell her you needed to get away for a week or two. Your Dad might actually enjoy his time away, too, which would make it easier to put him in long-term care in the future. Do this every 6 months/year so he begins to look forward to his "vacation."
If he has funds, use them to hire help for him. If he is barely scraping by, get him on Medicaid waiver with HCBS (home and community based services). No one expects you to give up your life.
If I'm reading your question correctly, perhaps you remove her from PoA? My sister chose not to be involved any more, so my siblings asked if she would like to be removed from PoA. She said yes. My hope is that she decides to get involved again. Someday. You can't force someone to care for your parent. In fact, you don't want someone caring for him who doesn't want to. I'm sorry. actually, I feel like your sister while missing out on the difficulties and problems is also missing out on the blessings.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Now, you can be a caregiver and POA - which it looks like you are saying that you are but that just means that you hold two unrelated positions.
Having your name removed as POA will not relieve you of the burden of caring for your father because it isn't really your "burden" so much as you volunteered for it. Maybe use your POA powers to pay for respite care or a facility.
Maybe when she sees her future inheritance being spent on his care, she will help out more. Who knows. But, it has nothing to do with POA.
I agree with Mom2Mom that a better option would be for you to use your father's resources to pay for professional respite care. Suppose your sister did back down, and did come and look after your dad for a week: seriously, you do not want someone inexperienced AND resentful doing that job.
I can imagine that you feel she's not pulling her weight - I'd think so too, in your shoes - but there might be other, better ways for the two of you to co-operate. And besides: the #1 priority is that you get a break. Eyes on the prize.
Anyone can be a person's caregiver, they do not need to have Power of Attorney. The POA does makes it easier if you need to make medical decisions for your father if he is in the hospital, etc.
As for removing your name, only your father can do that, and I doubt he is able to do that at this point in time.
To take legal action can be very costly if you can even find an attorney would even bother with such a minor situation [I know, it's not minor to you]. Use that money to put Dad into Respite care so you can catch your breath. You might find that Dad likes being in Assisted Living/Memory Care.
Or hire professional Caregivers from an Agency to fill in while you take a break.
Your sibling does not have to provide care. There would be no benefit for filing suit. DPOA is about oversight of their person and assets; DPOA is under no requirements to caregive. Your Dad did co-DPOA and if there is disagreement 1 DPOA will be unhappy. Most DPOA are just done for 1 person.
Your view of what should be done for care is probably very different than your sibling. I'd bet they view your caregiving is totally your choice and that is their right. Perhaps they would have Dad placed into a facility with 24/7 professional staff for caregiving and get him eligible for Medicaid to pay for his stay. If you can, please please try to have a clear calm discussion with your sister on the situation with Dad and agree on a plan for his care.
? out of curiosity, are you living at Dads house and do you work other than caregiving for Dad?
You would like family members to step up and do their share. Of course you would. Who could blame you? But we don't always get what we want, and in that case we need some other ways to meet our goals.
Sister won't help? Use Dad's funds to hire someone.
It will eventually be necessary to move dad from his adjacent apartment to a higher level of care where he will have 24/7 care. It may be easier on him now rather than later. An easier transition while he can still figure some things out.
You can't force someone to care for your parent. In fact, you don't want someone caring for him who doesn't want to. I'm sorry. actually, I feel like your sister while missing out on the difficulties and problems is also missing out on the blessings.