My sister is POA and shares all of our parents financials with my other sister, but ignores me. Any advice?
No communication at all. My parents are still living and do not have a backup POA.
My faber could at this point barely qualify for being literate, but he and I have fluid conversations, he has Progressive Aphasia.
Mother is in a different area o her life last stage Alzheimer's. Washington State, what are my options. My sister will not under any circumstances talk to me, my father is aware of his ability to tell me what to do is not there, in other words, he made the decision years, ago and is 88 and just cannot worry about anything else.
This is really going to destroy any relationship, unless, I give in and allow them to force me to purchase a 1/3 portion of a 855k house, i would rather be paid out. Washington State,
I need some ideas, as this is not going to go over well at a lll
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I think you would benefit from some counselling to help you learn that it is OK to put yourself first.
Also, could you explain what the house purchase has to do with it? Your mother is in Assisted Living, your father lives with your sister - what house, and why is there pressure for you to be involved in its purchase?
1. Your original post on this thread infers that one sister is attorney-in-fact under a (presumably) DPOA, and that she shares information with another sister, but not with you.
However, in this thread:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/all-3-siblings-power-of-attorneys-182843.htm
You state that you're successor proxy under a Living Will, but that all 3 of you are named as proxy under the DPOA. Are you a successor proxy under the DPOA or are each of you named with independent authority to act? Is the situation that one sister is handling all the issues, confiding in a second sister, but that you're being left out?
What is it that you want? To share the power equally as well as to be informed?
Just skimming through the other post reveals there's a lot of friction between you and one of your sisters. It's unclear to me how much of what concerns you is regarding the care of your parents or this conflict over power.
2. You ask what your options are regarding your mother, stating she's in last stage ALZ. Does this again arise from the issue of who holds control under the Living Will? Or are your concerned that your mother is not being well cared for? Again, the concern seems to arise from the fact that the communication is limited between you and your sisters.
3. This is especially perplexing: "This is really going to destroy any relationship, unless, I give in and allow them to force me to purchase a 1/3 portion of a 855k house, i would rather be paid out. Washington State, "
Who would be forcing you, and on what basis, to purchase 1/3 of a house? I assume you're referring to a bequest under a will or trust (I haven't read the other post entirely). Could you please explain why you would be forced into such an expenditure?
When you state that you'd rather be paid out, I can't help thinking this is the crux of the issue. And how does this relate to the DPOA issues?
Honestly, I know you're in a world of hurt, but it's really difficult to offer suggestions, especially since other posters have addressed dysfunctional and boundary issues, and since it's also unclear what your specific concerns are.
Let's start over; perhaps you can answer these questions and make it easier to understand the situation:
1. What are your concerns with both the Living Will and DPOA?
2. What relationship are you concerned about preserving? It does seem as though the relationships with your sisters are already fractured.
3. What is the issue with being "forced" to purchase a 1/3 interest in the house?
I understand you're in a lot of emotional pain, and that there are some very entrenched issues with your siblings.
If you are trying to follow previous threads, this is like a moving novel and every week there is a different piece of the puzzle that changes.
The Living Will was written or composed like this
We have three daughters.
Each will share 1/3 and 1/3 alike. We will leave that up to them.
That is it. No more no less.
My parents have a house, and it is nonsense, that of course my sisters want to take over this house which will not be used, and I wanted them the other poa's to rent it out during this period, I was turned down at every corner.
I can just envision my sister sending me a bill for 1/3 of the roof, when I have made my intentions known. I have hired an attorney.
Boundaries, as I have been told, they are there, it is just that the fracture happened when my sister lost her husband, and unless I was in a hot air balloon the previous 30 years of the family, the fracture was not due to anything other than my mother whom had some drinking addictions.
It seems, as my father seems to think at this point it is humorous, and that in itself, is frustrating, because he has dementia, and he says you guys will have fun working it out. When I stated, I have no choice but to hire an attorney and am sure the Sister 1 and 2 probably already have, he could not understand that. He has Progressive Primary Aphasia. Trust me, I would rather have peace and true family, and have nothing but their love (parents) at the end. I do not know why this possessions stuff is so important. Really I do not.
I am not concerned about preserving anything? I am concerned about receiving a bill for $4,000 for my SHARE OF THIS AND THAT. Hence, I hired an attorney.
Emotional pain, or sick and tired, honestly after this long it becomes, how much longer? Of course I love every minute of being with both of my parents. When interestingly, I mentioned to the one sister that does say hello to me, what the other sis's participation in seeing mom and dad was and wow you are right "very entrenched issues".
Bottom line is that we are all very very different, and I chose to do what my father said in life, and it was very logical and very good. it did not involve money because he knows beyond a doubt I am the one daughter that has budgeting skills, the other two,??? He said, he gave up. They are older. Regardless, it is what it is, I am wiser when i am older apparently after so many issues, I have two issues, run myself ragged, or hire someone. I chose the latter.
Thanks for your help.
Perhaps you're thinking of a Living Trust? Or perhaps just the Last Will and Testament?
Why not press for the house to be sold now, on the open market? The money realised will then belong to your parents and can contribute to their care costs, until such time as it passes to the three of you - when it will be a heck of a lot easier to divide by three than a house is. What is the objection to that idea?
If you can't get together on the DPOA (whether it's one agent and something happens to her with no successor, or whether it's three of you and you can't agree), sooner or later someone will refuse to honor it. Then you will be staring down the barrel of a guardianship.
For complete transparency, put all the records in the cloud (Google Drive, MS OneDrive, whatever) so that each of you can see what the money is going for. Then when you have discussions you will all have the benefit of the same information.
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