She is moving to Binghamton, NY. My sister feels she can give him better care but she will be working during the day where as where he lives presently he has resided for 40 plus years. He knows his way very well around his old apartment (kitchen, bathroom, his bedroom). Also I just found out that my sisters' new place has a stair case of 6 steps that lead up the bedroom and I try to make her aware that he likes to wander in his apartment several times during the night after he first goes to bed meaning that he may get up at 1 am, 3 am or later. I am concerned about his safety. Is there anything I can to stop her from taking him.
The steps are a serious issue if he isn't physically and mentally able to deal with them, especially if he doesn't have them now.
What you can do is list everything that you do for him, ask her how she plans to address these issues. I.e., not will she, but HOW does she plan to provide support stair climbing? And for other concerns? Is she planning to hire companion or support help during the day, and does she have the funds to pay for this?
And that raises another issue as to whether your father has the assets to pay for in-home care. Do you think your sister expects you to contribute?
I'm wondering though how much influence your sister wields as I have the impression you're a bit threatened by her plans. That's definitely NOT a criticism, just an observation and question whether she would become aggressive and challenge you legally if she doesn't get her way.
How far away geographically will she be from you? Is it possible though that she's moving to NY so she can spend more time with him as he ages?
Another alternative is to embrace her desire to care for him and ask her to share caregiving with you through weekend and holiday visitations to provide respite for you. That would also be an excellent opportunity for a "trial" period in which she learns what is necessary to care for him.
You're wise to address this now; I'd make sure that every single thing you do is included in a care plan and that it's addressed by her with succinct plans. That might be enough to overwhelm her and encourage her to settle for weekend assistance to you.
Good luck.
Your profile says your dad has dementia. Is this right? And that your sister isn't aware of how he has a sleep disorder. Does she know how much care he needs and will need moving forward? I would first read a lot about what is to be expected with his progression as well as watch Teepa Show tips and info on You tube. I'd share them with sister.
She may not understand that a person with dementia can't be left alone at all, after the early stages. And that due to his condition, he could keep her up all night, preventing her from holding a job. Balance is often a problem and stairs could be quite dangerous. I don't know of anyone who moves a senior to a place with stairs. Odd, imo.
Perhaps, after looking at the facts, the two of you could discuss a more realistic plan for his care. If not, then the attorney can provide advice on how to gain legal control if sister insists on moving him over your objection. Sometimes, fighting is necessary, other times, it's just not worth it. Maybe, sister will have to see what is involved for herself.
Let's say she wants (or needs) to move, but she doesn't want it to look like she's abandoning him or you. Rather than "stop her", as such, don't you want to reassure her that she doesn't need to do this?
I agree that continuity is better for your father; so what are the options for his staying put?