Starting steps to transitioning my 90 yr old father from his house to living with my sister. What needs to be done with his house to start?

PW, on “hold” like did he have a fall? Or significant health issue?

My parents are now settled in a NH. We are moving forward with selling the house. We are here every other month for at least four weeks, and my sisters who are local check on the house several times a week when we are not here. But it is not enough.

It is time now to sell. Too much of a liability for it to remain empty. We are having the house appraised on Friday. We have several people who are interested and are hoping that we can sell without a realtor.

To me, You need to think abt things to do to have his house stay secure.
Right now his personal needs are covered by Sissy, so my guess is Sissy deals with medical healthcare stuff and your job is all other?? This is an interim plan, right? Get him out of the house so that over time it can be cleared and cleaned and decluttered to make more market ready…. This is it isn’t it??

if so here’s my thoughts:
- do NOT let his homeowners insurance know he has moved. So do NOT change his driver’s license or do any change of addy. This also impt for taxes, more on this below. If insurance should find out, it will be cancelled and he will have to get a vacant dwelling policy which are expensive, have to be renewed every 6 mos usually & in my experience are really just a fire policy. If his roof is over 10 yrs old, gonna be a B***h to find a vacant dwelling that will do underwriting.
- get his utilities and all bills to be paperless so less mailbox clutter and to be on line paid, and you create a new email address for this and everything else “house” and bills that u will be coordinating all now go to this. Make it easy WalkerFloridA@gmail.com.
- kill cable and phone and if he has cable box, be sure to get it turned back in and get a receipt (just trust me on this one)
- have AC serviced and done so that it is going to be turned off. If dad does not have a twice a yr service contract, I’d get one. When you finally do go and get it listed, this will be a selling point.
- 3 -4 lamps on timers in the House. I did mainly torch style lamps from IKEA for this. Just lights up larger area than table lamps imo.
- outdoor / porch lights get sensor light bulbs so go on automatically dusk to Dawn.
- if his hood is sketchy, Ring doorbell system and locks on all the gates.
- secure his trash cans. Like put them someplace where the neighbors cannot get at them and use them. Otherwise they will. Fwiw got my mom’s 3 cans (regular, recycle and organics) switched out from the big standard size to the petite size and saved abt $40 a mo.
- I would not have utilities shut off but instead disconnected the frig and empty and leave doors adjar, ditto for W&D. You kinda have to leave oven, stove DW connected. You can turn AC off. If there’s ceiling fans throughout, personally I’d leave them on.
- right now he has homestead exemption and whatever else over 65 property tax exemptions. It’s important as it keeps his taxes low. If you change his DL or address these all go away. Again he does NOT change his address.
- if he has a car, sell it and try to get whatever is close to its Kelly Blue Book value. If it has issues and cannot get this price, take photos to document why. This u r doing proactively just in case he needs to file for LTC Medicaid once Sissy cannot caregive anymore and he has run out of $. LTC Medicaid has a 5 yr lookback.
- wooden dowels inserted in the channels between lower & upper windows. Just makes it a bit more difficult to break in via opening a window.
- run a big 3 credit report.
- cancel all magazine type subscriptions.
and
- try to clear out 1 bedroom and make it so that you can enjoy being in it. It will be an emotional slog to get it emptied. Having this room will be a SANITY saver.

What are you thinking is the feasible plan for regularly checking mail and yard maintenance?

Why not hire a gardener and housekeeper to help take care of the house? Health-wise if he can still take care of himself I'd leave him in his own home with these helps and check on him daily. Years ago we wanted to move my MIL in with us in her final few years but she resisted and hospice folks told us she was better off in her own home and that moving her away from what was familiar to her would cause her to decline rapidly. So we left her there and checked on her daily.

If you still want to try moving him to your sisters house for a month trial period, just make sure someone goes over to dad's house daily to make it look occupied to prevent squatters or vandals breaking in. We've all seen on the news stories of these squatters who move in and it becomes very difficult and costly to remove them.

Does your father have a Long Term Care insurance policy? If so, see if he qualifies for care for him in his home. My parents have LTC which has been hugely beneficial but there is still an incredible amount of time, care and money that the family has to take on. If there is no LTC, then your sister is going to need a lot of help financially, mentally and emotionally. As much as we love our parents, it does take a toll on us. So know that moving your dad into your sisters home will more impactful to her than you can imagine no matter how willing she is. Even with my parents having an LTC, there is still a huge responsibility on me. I do the grocery shopping, laundry, driving to doctor appointments, in constant contact with their doctors when they are hospitalized, and at times I neglected my own family and family get togethers. I don't resent it nor regret it but these are some things to be aware of.

As a side note - Other family members who are not in the trenches day to day sometimes make comments or judgements that are not helpful because they do not understand the toll and incredible amounts of time and money it takes to lovingly and adequately take care of our parents. Food for thought.

As one who cared for both my parents the last 8 years of their lives, it's the hardest thing to do there is in my opinion. It almost cost me my life.
But I want to caution all the folks on here about an assisted living facility. I ultimately had to put my father in one because of his severe dementia.
These facilities can be pretty horrific. They have to be checked out by you. Don't go by glowing reviews. Go and take a good look at multiple places for yourself. Don't announce your visit so you can see first hand what a place is like. Most places allow for unannounced visits. If they don't cross them off your list.
I went to 3 different ones( I actually looked at five). I chose one and got my father into it then I made some unannounced visits. I ended up removing him and got him into another. That next one he was unattended for periods of time and he got out of bed fell and rebroke his hip. The third I visited which was rated maybe the best but not all that great, is where he ended up dying.
These places can be horrific and it's a huge problem in our country. I guess if you're very wealthy you can get a parent in to a very good facility, but the cost is mostly out of reach for most people.
This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life!
My mother died in hospice care at the house peacefully.

Curious why you didn’t suggest he move in with you?

My dad sold his house, moved into an independent portion of a continuing care living place (that he had to buy into) and I was able to manage his care by hiring people (from an agency that worked at that facility) to help him. The help increased as his condition declined. Then I remodeled my house to have him live with me as the care he was getting, as good as it was, wasn’t up to my standards. I’m an RN. I hired CNA’s to care for my dad 8 am-8pm and I cared for him at night. He had dementia, so socialization wasn’t important for him. It worked out great for us.
From my understanding, it’s best not to sell your father’s home until consulting with financial ppl at an assisted living facility to see if that would disqualify him from eventually living there if necessary. They usually want substantial assets to pull from. I would also make sure that if he goes to a facility, he can stay there once his funding runs out. You could air BNB his home out if someone is willing to take on the management of that. Finding excellent housekeepers is the most challenging aspect of having an Airbnb (we have one). Very few assisted living or skilled nursing facilities take Medicaid. I wish you all the best.

Clean it. Remove perishable/spoiled food. Simplify rooms by boxing up items in rooms he doesn't use - but keep items so he knows he has access.

If no one is living in the house I'd recommend installing an alarm.

If you care at all about your sister, make sure she gets respite. It is a thankless job and no good deed goes unpunished. You have no idea what your sister is going to be saddled with.

Pwalker15: Perhaps your father should go to an assisted living facility. Sell his house; ergo, HE wil then use the proceeds for the AL.

You sound like a wonderful person who truly cares about your father! At this time, one of my main concerns would be squatters. It's unbelievable what I've been hearing lately that it is even being allowed.

I read in some of the comments below that you are reconsidering what to do. Please look into in home care if your sister is unable to help. You have no idea of the abuse and neglect in some of these 'care' facilities.

We have a wonderful program here that can help with funding through medicaid called IRIS. He can choose who he wants for his caregivers and does not have to go to a strange and unfamiliar place. He can stay in his own home then. They also pay for family as caregivers (at least in our state).

I remember the past when people preferred to have parents stay in their homes. They would be surrounded by family and friends that cared about them rather than sell everything they worked so hard all for all their lives and push them into a tiny room surrounded by people who often don't care at all about them. They often drug them up so that they don't have to do much work with them.

My Aunt is in her 90's and although she has family and friends stopping by to help her out, she gets additional help from other resources. Her Church has offered some help as well. They sent people there to help with her garden and bring communion. One lady often helps pick up groceries.

Does your father have dementia?
What necessitates your father moving in with your sister?
How quickly did you formulate this plan?
Is your sister fully aware of what is involved in 24/7 caretaking and do you have plans to see an elder law attorney to get sister made POA (can you father still be competent enough to appoint her)?
Do you and Sister have a plan to see attorney for a caretaking contract for shared living expenses? Is there full agreement that this will work so long as it works for ALL involved and when it is not working for either sister or father there will be long term care placement?

I think this needs a whole lot of discussion, getting paperwork done, before such a move is made. It is important to go one step at a time.

I believe your sister who you say lives in Maryland needs first to come to where your father is living and move in for a month. This is going to give her a taste of where things are and let her know that the trajectory in future is downhill. It will let her know whether or not she should attempt this. Moving from daughter to caretaker is trading in a much loved to an often despised relationship.

I think the two of you may likely need to come up with another plan. Important not to go to quickly on this, imho.

Pwalker, the best thing to do is contact dad's insurance agent and find out what the policy states for extended visits or vacations. If it is only for the trial month his policy should cover under one of the above, after the trial period, you get into unoccupied dwelling and that often requires special insurance, hence dealing with the agent.

That's what I would worry about next.

OK...YOU suggested he move in with your sister.
What does your sister think of this?
What does your dad think of this?
Who is POA, the one that can make decisions for dad if he is not competent to make his own decisions...and has it been determined that he can no longer make his own decisions?
Is your sister's family ready, willing to have him move in?
Is your sister's house set up so that he can manage?
No stairs, no carpet, wide hallways, walk in shower (one large enough for another person if he needs help) there are lots of other factors to consider as well, this is just a few

I just bought a house - upgraded to another room to have my nearly 92 year old father come live with us. The seller of this house was selling on behalf of the mother who went into a home/assisted help. He had a super duper alarm on this empty house.
probably (if you think you can trust them) speak to the neighbours and give your phone number incase of any emergencies.
this house was empty for about a year - left to deteriorate. We have a lot of work to do on it. Its worth up keeping it.

Is dad able to help in the decision making? I would lock up the house, thermostat at 55 degrees,( winterize) if necessary, put a few drops of bleach in the toilet(s), empty the refrigerator and freezer( in case of electric failure, secure any opened food, take whatever toiletries/ clothing/ shoes he may want/need with him. People leave their homes for months at a time (snowbirds, world travelers, etc. maybe there is a trusted neighbor or local family member who would be willing to check in on the property once a week.
Have a chat with him about a good timeframe in which to make a permanent decision. You may find out that after a month he’s willing to sell his home and move forward. You may find that he wants to return to his home. Each of these steps deserves time if this is not an emergency, Use time and talking as your guide. Ultimately it is his decision, his life. If he is not currently in good
cognitive status then make an
appointment with his main provider and talk about what next steps are
available and what of those steps
would be best for him. The provider can help ground the discussion and
allow dad to feel safe and have an
accurate assessment of his abilities/ health status at this time.
There are many ways to do it. I am confident that your caring preparation will be very much appreciated by him.

Yikes!...isn't 80 a bit much for a vacant building? I've had suggestions of 50 degrees to keep the pipes safe....

Hi there, I dealt with my mom's house after she moved into AL. In order to sell the house, you or your sister need to have POA – power of attorney (this may be different in every state). This prevents any nefarious person from just going in and selling the house. I would keep it insured to protect this asset. A POA is really also necessary to have if you or your sister want to be able to make financial and health decisions for your dad. Does your dad have a trust set up? I would speak with the lawyer who set this up and hopefully they can guide you. There are a lot of other issues such as who can utilize his checking/savings, who can turn off utilities, speak with his doctors, etc. that you'll need to deal with.

We went through mom's house and siblings could take what they wanted, then we had an estate sale. We had the house staged to sell. Our realtor was great – he had connections to handymen, painters and a stager. I found the estate seller through Yelp (meet with them and interview before you sign a contract).

Good luck – it can be physically and emotionally trying, going through the house especially if it's one where you grew up. It helped me to know that we were getting it ready to sell to help with keeping mom in a nice AL living facility.

Here is what we did with my mom. Within a month, clean out everything to make the house presentable for selling. Save any photo albumns for dad"s memories. Save all of his good clothes and separate by seasons. I hope someone can store them in their home and make the switches as needed. Leave some staging furniture which you can consult with a real estate agent. It will be your choice whether to take time to sell furniture or donate to some organization that does pick up. You can determine the value for tax deduction. As an alternative, if furniture and belongings have more value then ask the real estate agent for names of an organization that does the clean out for you. They make their money on a portion of sales.
Remember, the longer you keep the home the more costly it is for insurance, taxes and upkeep. If you plan to rent then consult an attorney if you worry about spend down and future Medicade. At his age, all moneys should go to his care and not to family. You can consult that attorney if you want to get paid for the house clean out because you will need a contract. Same with the sister he plans to live with. Do this while he is mentally intact.

My opinion is to place him in IL or AL instead of taking care of him. For peace of mind and no regrets you can have pleasant visits with him and not begrudgingly take care of him. You should be able to take him out to family outings. He will be safe and most important, be able to socialize with people his own age including any scheduled activities that the facility plans. My mom was very social and actually found a couple of people she knew in the past since she lived in the same town for 56 years. Take him to a couple of places and really try to talk it up with him. Emphasize safety

This doesn't sound like a short term because you know that he can't take care of the house anymore. Assisted living/ MC as soon as possible, figure out what he needs to move and whoever has the legal POA, remove the rest and sell it for his care. There's no reason to care for the house that nobody will be living in. I chased for months between my apartment and their house and all the while mom continued to pay for utilities and homeowners insurance, what a waste of time and money! If you're wondering what to do currently, turn off/down the heat but not enough to freeze things up. Have the mail held or forwarded to you. Let the police know that the house is vacant for the time being so they can keep an eye out for it(possible break in reports?) Continue payments on bills, homeowners insurance, don't let anything lapse. It will take a month or better to clean out everything and to put it on the market for sale. Some realtors will maintain the property outside (for a fee) in order to keep the property saleable.
It's in your father's best interests that he sells his home to get the care he needs. He doesn't belong with his children, he needs the company of people his own age. People (90yrs) who know what they've gone through in life and can really relate to one another. He can start a new comfortable life with not having to maintain the burden of a home and living with people who are younger rushing around him, causing him confusion.

Thank you for your response. You are the first to understand what my question was. I also was looking for a checklist of things that needed to be done on the inside of the house in my Dad's absence. I since googled and received many things that would need to be done. Since I posted my question the option for my Dad to move into my Sister's home has changed. We are looking at other options at this point.

He should go directly into an assisted living facility where he can enjoy outings, friends, regular meals, and sometimes a medical clinic onsite. He’d have his own cheerful apartment and transportation to wherever he wants to go. Use his money to pay for it and sell the house. That pays for his new place for years.

Moving in with your sister is a really really bad idea. She won’t like it and may get stuck taking care of him until he dies. By that time she might not like you much either, because you won’t be doing the grunt work like she is.

Heed the advice you’re getting here. We know.

Just read your profile. You say that you are trying to find a place for your nearly 90 year old dad to live.

Your sister has been his caregiver and is finding it more difficult to care for him.

Your father’s needs are increasing and moving him into your sister’s home will not help your dad or your sister.

Why burden your sister with the additional load of being his full time caregiver? Would you want to take on this responsibility for your dad? I doubt it.

Trust me, I moved my mother into my home and it’s not easy to be a full time caregiver. Even with part time help from an agency caregivers, it was still hard.

If you want to help your dad and be fair to your sister, then bring up the topic of a facility for him to live out his remaining years in.

Then you and your sister can visit dad as his daughters.

One of you, most likely your sister, if she desires could act as his POA and oversee his care in the facility.

Your sister lives in the same city as your dad. She is the logical choice to become your dad’s POA. You live in a different state and won’t be able to see your dad as often as your sister can.

Best wishes to you and your family.

I think I am wanting more information here about how willing, how able, and how much information gathering for this sister who will be saddled with 24/7 care that will become increasingly more difficult.
Also what LEGAL arrangements made for a care contract for her for shared living expenses and costs.
Also what time frame for re-evaluation of whether this is working for Dad AND for sister, who is here my concern.
Your father's funds, so far as they can stretch should both pay for a care contract with sister for his needs for housing, food, maintenance, transportation, and for the expenses of his home.
At the point that the home cannot be maintained it should be sold with a good POA or guardianship, and the funds deposited for father's care.
And that's how it goes.
Do seek the advice of an hour of time with good attorney (elder law preferred).
I wish you the best of luck, but only hope against hope that sister knows what she's getting into and that she is COMPENSATED.

Your profile states that your sister cares for your “ Dad and it is becoming more difficult “.

Moving Dad in with your sister isn’t going to make it easier as he continues to decline .

On top of that now your sister will have him in her house 24/7 which changes her whole life plus who ever else lives in the house .

Skip this mistake of letting Dad get used to living with his daughter while his daughter becomes a servant to him , meanwhile your life in Florida doesn’t change . Tell Dad he needs to go to assisted living and sell his house .

How very nice of you to volunteer your sisters house for your father to move into.
How about your father instead moving down to Florida to live with you?
But realistically(as it's not fair to either of you to give up your lives and homes to care for him)....how about selling your fathers house as is and have him move into an assisted living facility where he will be round other folks his own age and will have daily activities to keep him busy.
And that way you both can just be his children and advocates and not his burned out caregivers.
Sounds like a good plan to me.

I have read on this forum that some insurance companies won't insure a home that is vacant...

Maybe the strategy needs to be have your Dad go to a good, reputable local facility where he will get opportunities for daily activities, events, socialization, etc.

Please read this Care Topic carefully:

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/30/burnout

and read the Questions posted by loving and well-meaning adult children who could not have imagined how being the live-in, hands-on caregiver wreaked havoc on their lives. Then read the responses from people who have lived this arrangement.

Your Dad may be "reasonable" now but it won't last since decline is a constant. You are asking your sister to be his 24/7 nurse/cook/hygiene manager/entertainer/housekeeper. Resist the urge to romanticize it.

Assuming no family members live near dad's home which will sit empty for a month while he's staying with your sister for a trial run, hire a management company to check on the place weekly, mow the lawn, etc. Or, if your father knows a neighbor or has a friend to do this, that would be great. Have the post office hold his mail or temporarily forward it to sisters home. If bills are paid automatically, just have the mail held at the post office while he's gone. Leave a few lights on in the house while he's gone, and if there's air conditioning, leave it on 80 degrees.

Good luck.