For the past year we have tried to go through the proper channels to get my Dad’s license revoked after many unsafe episodes. It was suspended for a while, because his “vision was questionable,” and he did, indeed, fail the vision tests. During that time he completely ignored the suspension and the fact that he wasn’t covered by insurance “because they don’t know what they are talking about and so I don’t have to follow the law.” He became manic and physical the several times family members took the keys away, including slapping my brother and pinning my mother to the wall and frisking her and taking the keys by force. These behaviors are completely unprecedented and out of his pre-dementia nature. The local Sheriff’s department are aware of the situation, and have been supportive of my mom, but can’t do much since they never caught him driving with the suspended license.And now the state of Kentucky just reinstated his license. We will resubmit the paperwork to have his license reviewed, and we are probably closer to a confirmed diagnosis (doctors who were convinced by his performance, even though strangers on Facebook can tell that something isn’t right). In the meantime, how can we protect my mom, both physically and liability wise if he is in an accident and injures someone? If we take the car, can we get in trouble for stealing it if he calls the police on us?
And by all means remove his car from the property, or at least remove the battery. And if he calls the police you can tell them that your mom gave you permission to remove it because of your dads dementia.
You and your mom would feel HORRIBLE if your dad with his demented mind would either kill or severely injure someone while behind the wheel, as someone driving with dementia is NO different than driving while drunk or high on drugs. So whatever you do keep the keys and car away from your dad, and report his behavior to his doctor so they can prescribe the appropriate medication.
Stand your ground on this issue as innocent drivers are counting on you doing so.
What's harder is living with the guilt you'll feel knowing you allowed an elder with dementia to continue driving because you were afraid to upset him. Or that you can be sued for knowingly allowing him to drive with obvious cognitive impairment and allowing the death of others.
911 needs to be called the next time dad gets violent. He'll be taken to the hospital for a psych evaluation and diagnosed, medicated, and then you can have him placed directly from there.
Do the right thing, for everyone's sake.
Yes , if you took the car, it is illegal, if it is registered in your dad's name, probably not illegal if it is registered in moms name, and if she approves.
You can disable the car, but I wouldn't leave dad alone with mom when this happens, seeing your dad's unusual anger issues, you should be careful of that now.
That's awesome that the police are aware. You could always wait till Dad leaves then call the police on him? Maybe it's a thought.
Eventually, though unhappy about it, he did give up his license. He did sound like a fun cool person to be around.
That is my advice anyway
Then, call the state ASAP. Tell them what’s going on. They MAY send out cease-driving paperwork. He will then have to visit doctors and earn his privilege to drive again.
If your state will not mail the papers to Dad when you call, ask specifics of what information they need from you to request his license be taken away. Complete it and return to the state ASAP. I had to report my mom to our state DOT when the ER neurologist didn’t believe all that I told him about mom’s changing behaviors. I demanded a psych do a bedside exam and found she had mild cognitive decline. No one wanted to act on this finding and report her to the state. So I had to, as an only child and the only one who knew about her changing demeanor.
Please act.
Be sure everyone around mom knows to call 911 if/when dad gets physical again.
It is VERY hard, but know you are NOT alone. Many of us have gone through it. I’m still on the journey…
Thankfully, many communities are starting to become this way.
Dementia or no, violence isn’t okay. Concentrate on that issue. You say the police can’t do much because they haven’t caught him driving with a suspended license. They can too do “much” by hauling him off to jail for attacking people.
No diagnosis and no PoA means whatever you do to his vehicle may cause your family to be "the bad guys" legally. Stop doing things openly, like "taking the keys" or arguing with him about it, which creates unnecessary confrontation and drama. Better he has no idea why his car now doesn't work. I've read stories on this forum of men like your Dad going out and just buying another new vehicle when his family took his old one.
And yes, technically you CAN get in trouble for stealing his car.
The only sure way to protect your Mom is for her to live elsewhere. This may hasten your Dad's pathway to diagnosis and treatment, if he falls apart when living on his own.
There is no simple or easy answer here, but I would keep calling 911 to get him into a psych ward for forced treatment. I would video his aggressive behaviors as evidence.