How to stop feeling guilty with a emotional manipulator?
Hi my daughter keeps bringing up the past and I have apologized repeatedly. I have even suggested counseling together. She calls me 99 % of the time with dramatic events, or about a fight she had with someone, crying, or mad or about her OCD issues. I told her that I was not able to listen to her issues all the time and was sick and tired of the drama because it was emotional draining me. I never said she couldn' t call me anymore! I also told her I love her but when ever I give advice she never takes it. I told her she needs to talk about her OCD to a professional counselor. She proceeded to say but you have OCD and you gave it to me through DNA and should be their for me no matter what and freak out and call me all kinds of names and says I am her Mother and have to listen to her and should be able to call with her problems all the time she threaten to call her Dad and my siblings? In the mean time I am taking care of my Mom who has Parkinson's and my stepdad who does not do domestic duties. I apologized for saying I was sick and tired to her. It was hell over the Christmas Holliday's she was texting and phoning etc...... Any suggestions? I am feeling guilty all the time do I have a right has a person to not want to solve all her problems or listen to them? I have also apologized for making mistakes has a parent in the past but does it need to be brought up constantly and her Dad is consistently feeding negative towards me because he is bitter?
Of course you do not have to agree to continually be her emotional dumping ground. You are giving her excellent advice in urging to get professional counseling. And offering to participate in joint counseling was excellent, too.
I assume she is an adult. You can give advice but you can't force her to take it. You can, however, refuse to listen to the same issues she refused your advice about over and over.
If you just need a little affirmation that you need to stand up to her, you've got it from me. (And I imagine from many other posters here.) If you need additional support to do that, going to a counselor yourself might not be a bad idea.
To keep listening to her over and over might be a kind of enabling her. She needs to take steps to help herself. She isn't doing that while she is blaming you. Stop taking all of her calls and responding to all of her texts. Set limits. If she drags up the past again, say calmly and firmly that you are not going to continue discussing that until she wants to do it in a counselor's office.
She can, of course, call her dad and aunts and uncles all she wants. Are your siblings aware of the context of these calls?
I am normally very much in favor of sincere acknowledgement of fault, but in this case it sounds like you may be apologizes too much.
Continuing to wallar in misery isn't productive. Perhaps you daughter isn't even aware she's doing it. Nonetheless, she needs a wake up call.
I have read that some people get used to dealing with drama, crisis, discord and they actually thrive on it, because it's what they are used to. Their psyche craves drama. Life isn't interesting without it. They have to learn a new normal. A therapist could provide her with tools to do that.
One might give you some tools too. Getting toxic people to leave you alone seems to be a big problem as I read about it on these boards all the time. There are many dysfunctional families. I wish you all the best.