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One solution would be to hire a companion to go with her. Maybe she could afford fewer tours that way, but I'll bet she would enjoy them a whole lot more.
Speaking as someone who just got back from a 2 week "tour" with an 85 and 83 year old... it depends on the person. My Aunt is pretty sturdy but wants to be told what to do everywhere. Like.. at a pub,, she wants to know if they will bring the bill or we pay at the counter.. HELLO.. none of us have been here before! And she can;t understand how to log in her kindle to the internet... but she can walk all day! My Mom is frail, and we discovered walking even a few blocks was too much for her ( and she would not admit that, so we drug her along or got a cab!) I agree if she is pretty sturdy get her a companion to do the navigating and planning. Both my ladies enjoyed the trip.. but they both admitted this will be the last big trip. Now they are thinking Vegas! (shoot me now) Plus they both do not hear well.. so that cut into the enjoyment... something to think about too
BTW this is acutally a great post! Lots of people wonder about travel with an older family member.. thank you for bringing it up as travel season is upon us.
I give her a lot of credit for being adventurous and wanting to travel while she still can. But it sounds like some safety precautions need to be in place, especially if she's going to travel to countries in which she doesn't speak the language.
I think Jeanne's idea of a companion is perfect. Sometimes elder travelers can become acquainted with others from their group through prior meetings and activities, such as if the tours are sponsored through a senior center. I would think this would be safer than an open tour with people of all ages.
Perhaps check out the tours sponsored by the local senior centers, take her or make arrangements through the senior center (which in my experience in my area generally have buses for pickup of seniors) and encourage her to become acquainted with others.
Hopefully she can become acquainted with someone (or more than one someone) who can be a buddy on tours.
I really hope you can avoid dampening your mom's enthusiasm for seeing the world. GA has good ideas about helping her locate more suitable tours that are set up with the idea of providing a lot of help. And a paid companion could make all the difference in the world!
I took several trips with my husband while he had dementia, ages 76 to 86. I wouldn't exactly say they were a vacation for me, and a companion would certainly earn their fee! On our final trip a daughter came along so there were two of us to help, and at that point it was sure needed!
I think the goal should not be to pull her passport, but to ensure the trips are safer for her. Good luck!
OK, I didn't mean to post that, I was searching for an answer. But here is our issue. My mom is 79 years old and really wants to "see the world". The problem is that any tour group she is on basically ends up being her babysitter. She can't always understand what is going on or where to be when. We just received a call from a tour company in France telling us that they can't find my mom and they can get her to the airport but can't babysit her onto the plane. Well, she has been found, miscommunication about where to be. I am comfortable that she can get home, I think they are exaggerating the situation, but she should not go on any more tours. The problem is - she doesn't get it. She doesn't see that she is unable to do these things by herself. And my sister and I both work, we have young kids, and we can't go off to Europe with her either. Help!
Have you discussed your concern about her safety, getting lost, her confusion over locations and schedules with her? Is she not bothered by these things? If not, then I would wonder why. I would explore why she isn't using good judgment for her own safety. Does she get lost or have trouble while in her own home town?
Thank you all for the responses; she is not yet back and we definitely don't want to dampen her vacation. My sister called her at her hotel last night just to make sure she is ok and she sounded fine. I love the idea of a companion, I'm just not sure if realistically she will end up wanting to do that. I so wish either my sister or I could go with her, it just isn't possible.
I think we are just going to address the issue as it arises. I am really hoping she does not want to go on any more international vacations. I know she is thinking about going on a trip in the US, which is better but still problematic.
Sunnygirl1 - this is what is frustrating. Just just doesn't really accept that she is less capable than others of understanding what is going on. If she gets confused she will blame the tour company for making it confusing. Or if push comes to shove she will claim it wasn't that big of a deal and she just momentarily didn't know where to go, she is fine. She'll say she didn't hear properly because at that moment a bus was driving by, etc. She doesn't have trouble as long as she is in a familiar place. She would have trouble going anywhere she hasn't been before. She absolutely is not using good judgment but doesn't see it at all. BUT, she wouldn't plan a trip without letting us know, so we will just have to deal with it as it comes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think Jeanne's idea of a companion is perfect. Sometimes elder travelers can become acquainted with others from their group through prior meetings and activities, such as if the tours are sponsored through a senior center. I would think this would be safer than an open tour with people of all ages.
Perhaps check out the tours sponsored by the local senior centers, take her or make arrangements through the senior center (which in my experience in my area generally have buses for pickup of seniors) and encourage her to become acquainted with others.
Hopefully she can become acquainted with someone (or more than one someone) who can be a buddy on tours.
I took several trips with my husband while he had dementia, ages 76 to 86. I wouldn't exactly say they were a vacation for me, and a companion would certainly earn their fee! On our final trip a daughter came along so there were two of us to help, and at that point it was sure needed!
I think the goal should not be to pull her passport, but to ensure the trips are safer for her. Good luck!
I think we are just going to address the issue as it arises. I am really hoping she does not want to go on any more international vacations. I know she is thinking about going on a trip in the US, which is better but still problematic.
Thanks for your support!