My father recently moved in with me, he is 75 years old and I am having a hard time managing the follow up appointments, coordinating referrals and just doing these admin things. I don't know how to address this with a full time job and other commitments.
Anyone have tips?
How do you guys manage this much level of work? Is this a suck it up and move on situation?
What is your Dad's health issues that he needs to go so often?
Also, I hope you are having your Dad pay a share of rent, utilities and food.
I am 77, still drive so does my DH and he is approaching 80. We are still capable of caring for ourselves. Still make our own appts and just arranged a referral for my husband. ( he is deaf) Don't enable or disable Dad. My doctors send me confirmations of appts and reminders on my cell. Set boundaries for yourself. You know the saying "while under my roof", that pertains to Dad now. There is a post now where Dad took over the OPs house. Drs now have portals you know can set up. This would help you know, if Dad goes to the Dr alone, what went on in the visit.
Appts, I cut down on my Moms. Her PCP was having her come in every two months. By law you only have to see a Dr every 6 months to renew meds. She was only on cholesterol and B/P meds. She went back when she needed to. Her gastrologist, once she was stable 1x a year. Her encronologist, every 6 months because of stability. IMO, once you are stabilized with some specialists, your PCP should be able to take over. You go back to the specialist if needed. I would have his Meds looked over by PCP. My Mom was on some from a hospital stay that were no longer needed.
I would call your County Office of Aging and ask if they provide Senior bussing. If so and he can go to the doctors alone, he can take the bus. They take people shopping too. Our County has transit bussing from town to town.
Referrals. I have the care of my disabled nephew. And of course, DH and I are having some small problems. I find that when given referrals for my nephew because the practice is based in a city 45 min to an hour away and they are part of a Hospital group they want to send him there. He does not drive. I will not drive in cities and not in unknown areas anymore. So, he needs to go somewhere closer. For us, we live closer to a boarding state but when we get referrals, we are directed to Drs up North farther away then the boardering State. So we pick someone closer by. Because a doctor refers you to another doctor does not mean you have to use them. Who Dad goes to should be whoever is more convenient for you.
You can hire someone to manage his appointments, fill out paperwork, and even take him to medical appointments.
Is your father not able to manage any of this on his own? I would let him if he can.
You say he only recently moved in with you. I'm sure the initial medical visits and paperwork and subsequent referrals feel like a lot now, but once he gets settled into a routine with his doctor(s), you can skip the paperwork, schedule out quarterly, or semi-annual visits for the next year and add them to your calendar now, so it's not a constant scheduling thing.
This certainly isn't easy, especially with a full time job. It isn't a matter of sucking it up as it is being self-compassionate and realizing that you need to make some changes to manage 'new' needs / responsibilities.
My suggestions to support you: (based on my working with 4-6 clients a week with varying schedules and needs). I was organized and able to do it !
1. Hire someone - even for 1-2 hours initially to work with you to get organized.
Ask whoever you can for support / help. An hour here and there will help you alot.
2. Write a list - to do's ... do a little at a time.
3. Definitely keep a journal (I use a pad of paper dating every page and every activity (and conversation) - to have a day-to-day tracking of what you did, who you spoke to, their contact #s, and follow up needed. I do this for EVERYTHING, every call ... so I have a record to refer to - it comes in handy. I date every page at the bottom (learned this working w/attorneys.
5. Breathe, exercise, eat health as you can, get as much sleep as you can.
6. Keep all records, documents.
a. Use file folders to keep things separate and organized, i.e., Medical prescriptions, Med Appts., Contacts/addresses
b. Sometimes an according A-Z or 1-30/31 file works well. If he has an appt on the 18th, file it for the 18th and look in that file 1-3 days ahead of time.
7. Always ... ALWAYS keep his expenses and payments separate from yours.
Do not co-mingle.
It is important to keep separate, esp if he is entitled to any gov't funding / financial support.
8, Be flexible. Whatever work(s) for me may not work for you.
Find your rhythm and be okay w changing 'a system' that isn't working for you to one that might be better. Nothing is written in stone.
It is overwhelming to many. Like a deer in the headlights. It is not easy to manage, esp when it is new.
Its like an avalanche and you need to learn how to ... get out of it or better yet, prepare so you don't end up in one! Remember to be kind to yourself.
Lastly,
1. Remember you deserve a life, outside of work and managing your dad's needs/care.
2. Consider if this shared living situation is the best for you and your dad. This may be a question down the road and you'll still have the 'paperwork' mania... plan ahead as best you can.
Gena / Touch Matters
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