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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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To all of you wonderful folks doing 24/7 caregiving--what will Mom do when you're dead from stress? It happens all the time. Listen to yourself saying "mom won't hear of". In order to be a caregiver you MUST take care of yourself first. If mom is at the stage where she can't care for herself but is still awate of her surroundings, she could probably last another 10 years. Can you do this for 10 years? No, me neither. It's time to set some limits the same way one would do with a 5 year old who only wants candy. No our parents aren't 5 but that is the level of their reasoning ability. So we have to act accordingly.
I agree strongly with both ba8alou and cmagnum about setting boundaries with your moms. You do NOT have to sacrifice your own health and happiness to take care of your parent. I just had that lesson smacked into my face last week. I had been worrying and worrying about my mom not taking her meds and losing weight. I believe she's coming to the end of the line. Took her to the doctor for anti-depressants or an appetite stimulant and got shut down by the doctor. At first I was very angry but then listened to what the doc had to say. She told me I was trying to make my mom live the way I wanted her to and I had to let that go. So I did! She's living the life she wants and I'm not going to worry about it. And it's made a world of difference in my attitude.
Once you realize you don't control the universe, that you're only one small cog in a very large wheel and you're not perfect, you can let a LOT of stress and worry go. Do the best you can. Get help if you need it (and it sounds like you need it). Be kind to yourself. Eat well and get some exercise to burn off that stress. I feel 100% better than I did last week. I'm sad knowing that my mom is winding down in her life, but I know that I can't control that and I can only do what I can do. And that's more than enough! Blessings to you both.
OneMoreDay, it sounds like your mother is using the fear of making her angry to instill guilt about not being the perfect caregiver and obligation to be her only caregiver. I think it is time for some boundaries for your own good and for hers also for who will care for her if you die before she does which happens to many caregivers? Like it or not, you deserve a break. You are not her slave. At some point, if it hasn't already, this 24/7/365 day pace will have a negative impact on your marriage and that is not fair either. I wish you well in setting some boundaries to reclaim some of your life back instead of burning out while walking on eggshells.
cadams, you lack of sleep could be a symptom of stress or burnout, but also of depression. You need to talk about this with your doctor or possibly see a therapist about it. While it could be all of the above, I think it is also your body's way of telling you that something must change.
Hugs to you. I don't know statistics and science about insomnia and caregiving, but I'd bet money that you are not alone in your suffering. In fact, I can say that I'm in the same boat! I thought I was going to be better at this caring-for-Mom thing, but I've been locked into this 24/7/365 routine without a single day to spend with my husband for 18 months now. I'm angry with myself because I'm less patient than I was in the beginning and I do know that none of this is Mom's fault. Guilt, guilt, guilt... I am depressed too, so I understand. I never get 8 hours of sleep in a single stretch so that may contribute to my emotional turmoil but there really seems to be no way to get relief. Mom is far enough gone to be unable to care for herself but fully aware of her surroundings - won't hear of a "stranger" coming in to help or give me a break. I lie in bed every night, trying to get sleepy. It usually comes over me around 5:30am - two hours before the alarm goes off. Still, I don't know what I will do when Mom's gone. I worry incessantly. I think it's a race to see who will die first...Mom or me. Hopefully someone else will have a more helpful response...I just needed to say that we are on the same path.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Once you realize you don't control the universe, that you're only one small cog in a very large wheel and you're not perfect, you can let a LOT of stress and worry go. Do the best you can. Get help if you need it (and it sounds like you need it). Be kind to yourself. Eat well and get some exercise to burn off that stress. I feel 100% better than I did last week. I'm sad knowing that my mom is winding down in her life, but I know that I can't control that and I can only do what I can do. And that's more than enough! Blessings to you both.