I have a family, work full time and take care of my father 79. He lives 5 minutes away in his own home. I am his chauffer, patient care advocate, house cleaner, yard care ...you get the idea :). We have both looked into having either insurance or Medicaid pay me for the things I do to help defray cost and maybe let me take care of him more without having to rely on an outside paycheck exclusively. We have run into the wall, that he "makes to much" because of a pension and social security, he is ill but not in a life threatening way (thank god) that would need nursing care so he cannot get any financial outside help. He is not a veteran either. I have just noticed a slow atrophy of what I am able to get done at his home, my home and work. Something has got to give, I have spoken with a councilor for myself and explored many different options...no luck. I've had suggestions for "gaming" the system that I won't even consider. I just want to be able to take care of my family...all of my family without running myself into the ground doing it. Any suggestions would help I'm sure! Thank you in advance to all who offer suggestions.
One place to start would be for him to hire someone to house clean and to do the yard work, so you don't have to. See if his prescriptions can be delivered to him, rather than you picking them up. Meals on Wheels can help so you're not doing extra meal prep.
I know what you mean about trying to maintain two separate households. My parents were in their 90's so that meant I was pushing 70 years old. I was finding that as I aged my house and yard seemed to double in size when it came to maintenance. Told my parents up front I can't do all this at my age, but they continue to guilt me :P
Sadly we tend to enable our parent(s) to maintain their lifestyle while we make major changes to our own. My view on this is if a parent cannot afford to hire outside help with yard work and with cleaning, maybe it is time to downsize into something more manageable. Moving is hard, it's not easy to get rid of a life time of things.... but something has to give.
Write down on a list all the things you do for your Dad.... now cross off half of the items... now cross off a couple more. Ok, Dad, here is what I am able to do for you... wish I could do more, but I am not a teenager any more, at my age I have my limitations. I really think our parents still view us as a "kid" instead of someone is a senior citizen or approaching that age.
Women tend to want to do more around the house than needs to be done regularly; some things can slip a bit. Get extra clothing so laundry doesn't have to be done as often, or can slide a few days if you're exhausted. In my research of local laundrymats, I've found some that pick up the laundry, do it, and return it. That could save a few hours which you could use to relax.
Itemize what absolutely has to be done, distinguish it from what ideally could be done, and add in some respite time.
Contact the local senior center, or ones in adjoining cities, to get lists of companies that give senior discounts and hire out some of the work.
Remember, YOU don't have to do everything. Be a manager instead of a doer.
The way I view this, the elder's lifestyle has to be in line with the elder's resources. If they can no longer keep up with their current home in terms of cleaning, yardwork, etc, either doing it themselves or paying someone to, then they need to re-think their living situation and move into something more manageable.