Those of you who are familiar with my situation, know the history of my childhood and etc. Long story short, I’m not looking forward to the holiday season. My father is in a facility after a long and hard process. I know that there will be some type of argument soon because he keeps asking about days that have off for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I wish I could afford to be out of town but I can’t and I’m not going to spend my entire holiday vacation with him. I hate that things are like this and they should not be. I’m going to try my best to leave town to enjoy myself because I deserve it but if something happens and I can’t, I’m needing suggestions on how to enjoy the holidays alone. I live in an area where there is nothing to do. I have a couple or relatives close by but usually when we get together, there is always some type of disagreement. I’m just trying to keep my mood up because I can feel the depression setting in. Also it doesn’t help that my mom died two days after Christmas many years ago.
Don’t share with him what your days off are either . You have to stop being so honest with him regarding your own life .
I’d read , watch movies , bake , go for a walk , purge a closet . Maybe one day go to a spa .
I think, having your head space in a good place now is a place to start, worrying about it now only adds to the up income stress.
Try to meditate, mindfulness, and practice compartmentalizing. I'm getting really good at this.
Like if I'm at moms and had a stressful time of it. I honestly talk to myself, when I leave mom's I say to myself, don't bring it home , this is over, live your life, let go let God, let the marbles fall where they may. Over and over, I get home and I feel pretty good. So have faith in yourself that you can do that and keep practicing it. It really works for me. If anyone new all the positive affirmations I say to myself, I might be in a rubber room. Lol but honestly it keeps me out of that rubber room.
Also practice, the "gray rock method." Last week I went to moms, my brother stopped in, we have very very different beliefs, I have gotten very good at advoiding any controversial issues, but when someone brings them up, I have a difficult time controlling myself. So we were sitting there and my brother started to say something, wanting to ruffle my feathers. I looked at him dead in the eye, smiled mid sentence I got up went to the bathroom, came back smile happy self and the subject was changed, and he never said another word that he new I wouldn't like.
This takes practice, so I'd start now.
Know in your heart you can go, you can leave it all behind when you leave and that NO one is going to rain on your happiness parade.
Or don't go at all. That works too. 😆 , do what's best for YOU
Christmas is Jesus's birthday. Which we've turned into a season that starts before Halloween, sends us into debt, and causes depression if we're not having Facebook moments to share. I'm so sorry you lost your mom during Christmas. This year, in her memory, pamper yourself instead of others. Give yourself a spa day at home and relax. Buy yourself a lovely gift and eat some of your favorite food.
Avoid giving your father any details of your days off, and see him briefly at your convenience. If it's never good enough anyway, why kill yourself? That was my motto with my mother in the last few years.
So I rented a condo at the beach oceanfront for the week, and just enjoyed the sound of the pounding waves, and the tranquility of being by myself with God.
It was actually life changing, as when we're still and quiet before Him, it is then that He can speak to us without all the distractions of life.
I HIGHLY recommend it if at all possible, whether you do it for Thanksgiving or Christmas or both.
You do you, and don't worry about what others think or say.
Several times during my life I have spent a quiet hour or two just making a list. It includes everything I can think of - sights, smells, sounds, tastes, textures, patterns, colors, locations, the whole ‘raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens’ thing. The list has become longer and more detailed over time but, it’s funny, I’ve never taken anything off!
Looking at it and adding to it is comforting and it gives me a place to start when I’m feeling restless. It’s a shortcut if you’re looking for somewhere to visit or an activity when you have time on your hands. It’s super positive and therapeutic. I highly recommend it.
Use your holiday time to start your list!
If you don't get along with your local relatives, what about your friends? Surely, there must be a friend who would love to have you for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Or maybe like you've said get out of town. Would your daughter be interested in taking a holiday vacation with you?
It's hard to be alone on holidays. I hope you find something fun.
I am here to show people the way, not be the way.
In a way, it's kind of nice to not get together with family. There's no expectations or awkwardness. My siblings might get in a fight or just be pissy at the holidays or make fun of their presents. I'm going to try to look at the positives year and think about happier things.
Me and my husband have a trip planned for January 17th.
It's really making the holidays feel so much easier to get though
I can see what difficult situation you are in. You may walk outside to look around and be thankful for yourself. What about going to a local friend's place on holidays, if you are invited? Any Zooming activities with friends for fun? You love your father, but you do not owe him anything that upsets you. Spend your holidays alone without guilt. God Loves You.
it sounds like you are gaining ground in a positive way and have figured out what you will be doing for Thanksgiving. I don’t know where you live, but if you were in California, I would say come spend it with us, except I don’t know what we are doing yet either!
My father was absent most of my life and I don’t feel I owe him anything. I do love him and respect him when I am with him, but like someone else said above, he made his choices.
I am sorry for the loss of your mom, I can only imagine how hard that is. My mother is slipping away with dementia at 86 and I think of all we could be doing if she didn’t have that horrible disease.
Enjoy yourself and enjoy your life and make some new friends, they are invaluable!!
love and hugs,
K~ 🍂🍁
1) If it were me, I would 'de-tach' as much as possible from associations of 'holidays past' as they will likely be a way to compare ... what you had and don't have now ... and close the door to being AWARE and APPRECIATIVE of what you have now.
I like / if not LOVE lights. I don't celebrate 12/25th; it is just a commercial holiday to me and I've felt like this for years if not decades. Still, I have lights in my apt all year round. Move into ... be in ... bring in T H E L I G H T !
2) Consider that you do not need to be alone. So many elders ARE ALONG and you could spend an hour of your time / day with them just being YOU. Active listening is a true gift, showing care and concern for another person ... who is older and very much alone. You could be their gift.
I would suggest you start a GRATITUDE list ... today and do that daily.
"Today I am grateful for xxx"
Gratitude can be as simple as enjoying the hot water in the shower to watching a leaf fall from a tree ... or being able to get out of bed and walk.
If you have good health, be grateful that that and the ability to walk, move, travel. So many people cannot. ... be grateful for your vision - what you are able to see. What beauty do you see in nature? trees, bugs, rock formations? crack designs in the sidewalk. This is an opportunity to be AWARE in different ways. This is a gift to yourself. Opening to / shifting how you have been to 'seeing' in a different way.
Yes. Keep your mood up. And, know that you need to do that - it may not happen on its own (we have to be pro-active ... as YOU ARE doing here).
Write a list: This is how I'll keep my mood up - try NON-STOP writing and see what comes out. Non-stop writing means you do not censure yourself. You let the pen / pencil do the 'talking / moving' and you watch.
Read about the REAL thanksgiving and what it means / meant to the indigenous people who were here - and what thanks they gave. It has little to nothing to do with the 'history' we are told / fed. Perhaps spend some time studying about indigenous culture; people who were on our land, walking where you walk ...
There is a major difference between being ALONE and being LONELY.
The difference is in how you perceive the differences. Perhaps lonely is when your mood may slip down down down ... and being ALONE may or could mean you find beauty surrounding you, sharing a moment with another person who appreciates you, and/or just taking a walk in nature and seeing AWE ... with your 'up mood.'
I know you will do whatever supports your well being.
All we all have is the present moment. Make it special. Be a gift to yourself. Write down ... tell yourself ... reaffirm qualities you value in yourself. This is really a gift not only to yourself but to others around you. They will feel it, too.
Gena / Touch Matters
If I wasn't going to see my daughter and grandchildren at all over the festive season, I absolutely would go away for Christmas - for a whole week, at least. I think you really should try and get away. Go somewhere nice and relaxing, or exciting. Whatever you feel you need.
I long for a lovely family Christmas, but it isn't going to happen.
For the last 12 Christmases, I have spent the day with my mum and stepdad, with loud TV (either sentimental tosh or violent and horror movies, neither of which I can bear), lots of criticism and no Christmas decorations or anything festive.
I did it because, since Mum's stroke, I always thought that each year could be her last, and everyone else had a young family and their tiny flat was too small for children and their toys, and I didn't want them to be alone. But, setting up that pattern has meant that I will now be alone.
I always dreaded the day and had to make myself cheerful for them, but it's going to be harder to stay cheerful for me.
Mum died a couple of months ago and I'm determined that one of my stepsisters can be there for their dad this year. I've thought hard about this and I want Christmas on my own terms.
I've been thinking about what I can do on the day to stop myself from sinking into depression. I remember one Christmas day that my (then) young daughter went with her dad to his parents'. I stayed in my pyjamas, lying on the settee and watching old films. This year, I want to do better.
I did consider staying at a hotel, but I think that would make me feel even more lonely. So, I'm thinking of all the home activities that make me happy - baking cakes, doing crafts, and listening to music. I'm hoping that the weather will be good enough for a nice country walk in the afternoon. I love cold days with blue skies.
I'll buy some indulgent treats to have with hot chocolate and mulled wine for when I do cosy up with a film later on. Perhaps I'll get myself some new jammies for the occasion ☺️
I do have friends who would love me to visit for Christmas, but I wouldn't be able to travel back in time to see my family the next day; plus I think I'll find it difficult to be with their family and grandchildren at Christmas, making me miss mine even more.
My daughter's family always go to her in-laws for Christmas and I see them on Boxing Day (26/12). So, I'm lucky that I'll have that to look forward to.
Do you have a cousin or other relative, or friend, that you could call and enjoy some time together?
I can't remember the whole thing, it may have been Thanksgiving, but they ended up friend with the stranger, and he came for the holidays every year, for years.
If I ever find it I'll send the link. It was such a a wonderful heart warming story.
So I'm thinking the best way to enjoy the holidays is to do a good deed for others. Bake all your neighbors cookies or a pie, even the ones you don't really know. Leave it on the door step. I think putting a smile on peoples faces is the best gift you can give anyone.
Any other random good deed ideas?
She is clean, single mom of 2, now she adopted her sisters children, and is a single mom of a 19, 12, and two 6 year olds.
I want to do something nice for her. I'm just not sure what yet.
If you know of someone in your area that just needs to feel cared about?