Hi everyone just checking in has anyone had to take care of someone after 2 total hip replacements? I’ve been though a lot. I’m exhausted most days, and I still work sometimes 56 hrs a week. It’s been since 2016 I’ve been taking care of him. And he was pushed into retirement. And has OCD, so bringing in help is a no. Haven’t had a vacation since 2016. I’m 60 so something’s take me longer to do, like cutting the grass, or pressure cleaning the outside, and I do all house hold chores , and pay all the bills. Just something I’m asking, how do you find time for yourself? Funny the best time I’ve had is when he went in for his second hip replacement and I had 4 whole days to myself. That was my vacation. Any words of wisdom?
Hip replacement surgery has made great strides and most patients recover pretty well. He needs to start getting up and walking and moving around for his own recovery. I don’t know how old he his but whatever age, get him up and doing stuff for himself.
As for grocery shopping, do it on the Internet from a store near you that has internet shopping and delivery.
Being a caregiver to a new post op hip is exhausting. If I were you I would hire out as much as possible.
He does not get much of choice. You work FT and deal with this? I would tell my husband to choose one or the other - either you quit your job and he supports you and the home, or he hires people to keep the rest of the house running as you cannot do both. Simple choice for him.
You do the powerwashing? God bless you!
I don’t need to be superwoman anymore - as you get older you have to pace yourself.
I know about liking the outdoor things. But you aren’t doing him a favor by enabling him to not use the new hips. Can you tell if he is getting up whiie you are at work? Does he appreciate your efforts or is he complaining?
Did he do his post surgery therapy? Does he need more?
Give yourself a promotion and become the household manager and not the jack of all trades. Pace yourself. Take care.
Why do you have 3 beers at his home every night? I would personally defer alcohol intake in front of a recovering alcoholic. You say he counts them; I sort of feel bad about that.
Do you think he is secretly drinking on the side?
Vacuuming may be too much activity for him. It’s best a professional physical therapist assess his abilities and work with him to improve.
Hope these “ideas” will give you food for thought.
While you say you like to do “everything” as you feel no one can do the job as well as you, please consider stepping back. If hubby goes to the gym 3x/week he is no invalid but due to his chronic alcoholism has developed the “poor me” syndrome. Now he is dragging you down due the bad decisions he made his entire life.
Stop enabling him or he will never even think of changing his routine which consists of you single handedly running the household. Why should he change?
I too see your post as a cry for help. It’s ok to feel that way,Yuki. You have needs too that unfortunately aren’t being met because your husband is too selfish and wrapped in the “martyr syndrome” to recognize your needs.
I think you don’t get any positive feedback from your partner and thus try to compensate by doing more in the hope that he will appreciate you more.
Don’t do all this physical work- you will eventually suffer by wearing your body and mind out. You think you can do it all now but eventually you will crash and burn. Don’t let him win again. Again you sound like a good person with a big heart. Your husband may be taking advantage of you.
I wish you the best. Find your inner strength and fight the dragon - you can do it.
To hell with his whining and refusing this as he isn't assisting in anyway.
I'm so sick of people dictating who comes in to assist when they are doing absolutely nothing!
Be strong. Hire someone now!!
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