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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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When I took over as POA for my mother-in-law, the gal at the bank said that when we get the new checks with my name and MIL on them, to get the carbon copied ones. She said that would always let me show the checks that I had been writing for her. So far, so good too.
$850 a month? That's peanuts!!! Give 'em the finger - sorry to sound so blunt but I've heard so many stories of adult kids just going berzerk over dumb things - I'm sick to death of it. They criticize so easily without giving a damn when it really mattered. I think it's guilt and when it's time to do "something" for "daddy" they look for the easy things to criticize rather than thinking about what they coulda/shoulda done for him and for YOU!
How about this: make an itemized list of EVERYTHING you can think of for that 5 years and send them an invoice. Add up all the things you did daily and weekly, here are some ideas: laundry - clothing, towels, sheets food and food preperation monitoring medications buying medications extra's like soft toilet paper, tissues, depends, bed pads paying bills - don't forget his bills like supplemental health insurance running him to doctors visits and the time spent making the appointments and sitting there with him safety items like grab bars, toilet risers don't forget things that might have been broken or ruined due to spilled foods or his pets. and... when ever you have another adult in the home they should make a contribution to the utilities, electricity, water/sewer and garbage because they're consuming it like anyone else. don't forget any wages that you could have received ( and retirement savings you might have earned) if you'd been working instead of caregiving!!
If you saved up every penny left over from $850 per month for 5 years after all the obvious living expenses, it would not even be enough to pay Rent-a-Thug to beat some sense into those lamebrain accusers.
The last time we had a home health aid coming in to care for my mother-in-law the hourly rate was $18. If you figure 8 hours per day 5 days a week = $720 a week x 5 years =$187,200. You collected $51,000. Get a lawyer and have him send your relatives a bill for the $136,200 they owe you. That should shut them up.
I don't think you should do anything. Ignore them. They are not worth it, but if you need to do something, sending the bill would be the best, I love it!!
A nursing home in our area charges 5,000 dollars and up each month . Talk to the clerk at a nursing home and see if they can help you break down the price of different jobs and equipment use . Present this to the kids and tell them that they owe you the difference if they are so unhappy about how you carefully used your father-in-laws money. Do your homework on getting compensation from the estate. Then present this. Hopefully you have proof of what you spent the money on just to show that you used his money well.
I agreed with you on that. I am taking care of my mother in law and had to stop working. She gave everything to her daughter's daughter and she thinks she doesn't have to do anything. She says that is not her grandmother just her body. So it's just her son and me to care for her. I feel the same wat you do. It takes a lots to care for someone that has that.
As long as your father in law was given the best quality of life within your care, anyone else who took a back seat in the situation should be ashamed and humiliated. I have heard of many instances, as well as to myself where this is a common problem to the caregiver. Those who care the least about the ill person worry most about the money!!!! Who was given power of attorney? That person is responsable for finances and if that action wasn't taken, then I'd say to those who took the easy road while you delt with the real problem "where were you when he ate a meal, took a pill, had to bathe, got dressed or went to Dr. etc.?" I am in NJ and I know for a fact that room and board for a mentally ill geriatric patient needing 24/7 care is at least 330.00 a day. 365x330.00 1 year equals 120,450.00 and 850.00x12 equals 10,200.00 SO.... In reality they owe you 110,250.00x5!!!! For those people who sit back and take easy road... I feel they are riddled with guilt and selfishness and the only way they find comfort is to punish the caring soul who handled the situation the only way they could. So don't let them get you down!
Ask them if they would like to move him into their homes and take over his care for $850 per month. Or advise them you are tired and need to hire aides to assist and how much do they plan to contribute. Even if you put him in an assisted living facility where they accept whatever SS or SSI income he has, they take it all and leave them a pittance for misc expenses. And I've viisted some of those places, and there are no where you would want to leave a family member unless you absolutely had no other option. Assuming they are not complaining about the care or home environment you give him, how dare they open their mouths?
When I read the answers to your question I cried and laughed at the same time. I needed a good cry. I have been going through the same accusation and more. I have been accused of taking her clothing, money, and hitting my Mother. In the meantime, no one else in the family is stepping up to say they will take her or even help. I like the Rent-a-Thug idea!!!
I TOTALLY understand, my siblings are trying so hard to get me in trouble with the dept. of aging. Saying I am as well mishandling my mothers money. THEY have no clue what goes on here, they refuse to help(their lives are so busy)! Since I have worked in the home health field for years, they suckered me to quit my job. In the beginning, I looked after her about 30 hours a week for a VERY small pay. Not long after my mother got worse and required 24 hr care. so now she can no longer afford to pay me. My husband and I thought about moving her in with us, however she didn't want to leave her home. So we gave up our rent to own home(almost paid for) to move in with mom. We share the bills, groceries etc.. I have a calendar that I keep track of hours which is 24 hrs/day and at the end of each month I tally up the hours and what I SHOULD have been paid for the month and mom and I both sign it. Right now my mother owes me over $75,000 in unpaid wages. If I was a home health agency I would have to be paid!!!! but my siblings have no understanding. They are afraid that when she is gone they won't get anything. But, to burst there bubble mom has willed my everything(the little she has)to me. Everything adds up, diapers, medications, safety features, home repairs and upkeep, utlilty bills, taxes, groceries(I feed her 3 home cooked meals/day plus snacks in between), clothing for her, insurance premiums, and the list goes on and on.... not to mention the emotional and physical stress that it has put on me and my family I wish I could put a $ amount on that!! I am trying my best here and get no appreciation from others just grief. I am 32yrs old I have given up my life to do the right thing. My husband and kids have all taken a back seat cause mom comes first in my eyes. My husband and I went from low middle class status to now with my mothers income included we would be considered low income. I know that I am not alone out there but I feel so ALONE!!!! What do people think.. Lifes a party here that I just sit around all day and do nothing!!! Mom hasn't slept more than 3hrs a nite in 8 months and hardly naps doing the day if so no longer than a hr or 2. So , I am actually providing 24 hr care cause when shes awake and am as well. I am exhausted!!! Let someone else fill my shoes for a week and they would probably throw her in a nursing home and not look back!!!!!!!
After reading your question I said "What the f__?," but then I read Lynn's, Bridget's, and Ishmael's posts and felt so much better. The nerve of those ingrates! Makes you want to break your foot off in their a__, doesn't it?
Happy New Year baby, and to everyone else in this forum.
Yellowfeever: your post reminded me of a very important part of caregiving that noone has time or energy to do but it may help for many different reasons....DOCUMENT everything keep a journal, take pictures, videos!!!! Whatever happens throughout the day, the things that you feel (emotions,stress), eating habits and times, sleep patterns, conversations, episodes of any kind, what you spend, save reciepts keep a paper trail etc. This will help with Dr's evaluation and medication for behavioral problems, and help you to vent as well as prove what type care you provide, and if any questions arise with family or a judge, you have what is needed to support your side of the situation. There are many resourses to help if you are willing to do home work and able to fill out paper work. May I also suggest making a few copies of each and all documents needed in these matters such as birth cert, divorce docs, ss card, POA papers, Deeds, titles, passports etc, so everytime you need a copy they are on hand. HUGZ to ALL!!!!
When we began to take care of my Father-n- law there were no rules laid out by his children only that someone other than them do it. So I we did not account for every cent that went in and out cause no one really cared. The family will given verbal reports occasionally only because I felt like they needed updated not because they inquired. The only advice I can give anyone is to NOT get involved. I'm sorry but we have lost our family over this and I don't think it will ever be repaired.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
sorry to sound so blunt but I've heard so many stories of adult kids just going berzerk over dumb things - I'm sick to death of it. They criticize so easily without giving a damn when it really mattered. I think it's guilt and when it's time to do "something" for "daddy" they look for the easy things to criticize rather than thinking about what they coulda/shoulda done for him and for YOU!
How about this: make an itemized list of EVERYTHING you can think of for that 5 years and send them an invoice. Add up all the things you did daily and weekly, here are some ideas:
laundry - clothing, towels, sheets
food and food preperation
monitoring medications
buying medications
extra's like soft toilet paper, tissues, depends, bed pads
paying bills - don't forget his bills like supplemental health insurance
running him to doctors visits and the time spent making the appointments and sitting there with him
safety items like grab bars, toilet risers
don't forget things that might have been broken or ruined due to spilled foods or his pets.
and... when ever you have another adult in the home they should make a contribution to the utilities, electricity, water/sewer and garbage because they're consuming it like anyone else.
don't forget any wages that you could have received ( and retirement savings you might have earned) if you'd been working instead of caregiving!!
Best of luck to you
Bridget!
Take care.
After reading your question I said "What the f__?," but then I read Lynn's, Bridget's, and Ishmael's posts and felt so much better. The nerve of those ingrates! Makes you want to break your foot off in their a__, doesn't it?
Happy New Year baby, and to everyone else in this forum.
-- ED