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Mom is 80, in memory care facility. She has unspecified dementia, more akin to vascular or lewy bodies than Alzheimer’s. She has okay days and bad days. On okay days, she complains that she can't see well with her 4-year-old prescription eyeglasses. She also seems to have the condition where she misidentifies objects. She says "Please take me to get new glasses and I want sunglasses too."
Today I showed up and said "let's go get those new glasses." (I had made the appointment 2 months ago, the soonest available in this area.) Well, today happened to be a very bad day for mom. She was yelling and ultra delusional, talking to people in her head and insisting I talk to them also. She ranted that she was supposed to go move into her aunt's house on the water (she had packed clothes and notebooks into a bag) and she was NOT going to the doctor, it was all a trick and I needed to shut up and quit doing drugs.Then she went out in the hall and started fussing at other memory care visitors for walking past her room.
Two days ago we had a fairly lovely visit and she was somewhat normal-ish. She walked around a department store smiling and enjoyed some ice cream.
I can't take a yelling cursing woman into a family eye clinic, even if I could lift her.It's too bad they can't bring all that heavy eye exam equipment into senior care homes. She really does need better lenses.

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No, I don't see any reason to take a yelling and delusional woman to the eye doctor. I really don't. Let us say she has something treatable but not EASILY treatable such as glaucoma or macular degeneration. What sense to work so hard to prevent blindness when there is already such ongoing unhappiness and torment? I really wouldn't do it, myself. I doubt she could even cooperate with any eye exam for glasses.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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swmckeown76 Dec 19, 2024
Why prevent blindness? She's a human being and deserves top-notch medical, optical, and dental care.
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Ask if the Memory car has a doctor who comes in to give eye exams.

My nephew has had glasses since 8 months old. When I asked the doctor how did they know the right perscription, they said by the refraction of light on the eye. So Mom will not have to go thru the lens thing. But, it may not be her eyes it may be her brain.
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Animallovers Dec 19, 2024
I agree that sometimes it isn’t the eyes but the brain. My mother has complained about not being able to read because she needs a new prescription. I took her to the ophthalmologist and it turns out that with her current glasses her vision is 20/20 in both eyes, which is better than mine! Her caregiver and I have come to the conclusion that it is her brain’s ability to process the information that is really diminishing.
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Yes you should stop making appointments, and just buy your mom several pairs of different strength reading glasses and have her try them on and tell you which ones she can see better out of. They won't be perfect but they're better than nothing. And then take the other ones back.
Your mom would not do well trying to read the signs at the optometrists office anyway, so quit stressing over this issue and go buy her some reading glasses.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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BlueHeron Dec 10, 2024
I love the idea of getting readers! That will also satisfy her need to have something that is new and colorful.
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Mom is not going to be able to tell the doctor which lens she can see better from, when shes asked 1000 times! Think about what you're asking her to do! Cognitively decide which lens is better, A or B? Then C? I myself was struggling at the last exam and I have no dementia.

Imo, it's not possible to give a real prescription eye exam to an elder with this level of dementia. She'll wind up cross eyed with the totally wrong prescription for $500 at the end of the day.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Have you asked her facility if there is an optometrist who comes onsite? Some do schedule them and have residents sign up, but it might be only a few times a year so may not have happened yet since you've been there.
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Reply to MG8522
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I would buy her over the counter readers and be done with it. She will never test out right.
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Reply to MeDolly
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I went with my mother to eye doctor appointments when she had advanced dementia and was in hospice-type care, where we were trying to keep her comfortable and well without extreme measures. It didn't make sense to me to ask her to read eye charts when she was no longer reading and lived full time in a locked facility with 24/7 aides. She stopped wearing her glasses, and at that point we couldn't find them and I didn't replace them. She had glaucoma and the eye doctor agreed to let her renew her prescriptions for eye drops, without requiring an appointment, just to help her keep the vision she had. Discuss with her eye doctor what makes sense at this stage in her health.
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Reply to NancyIS
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Ask her family doctor for a prescription of a mild dose of an anti-anxiety medication. That's what I did for my late husband (private-pay long-term care resident due to frontotemporal degeneration) whenever he had dentist and optometrist appointments. I left the medicine with his unit's charge nurse the day before with instructions about the time of his appointment and when she needed to give it to him. He was meek as a lamb when I drove over to take him to the appointments. The optometrist used a simplified exam to check the eyes of children who couldn't yet read. The dentist let me accompany my husband into his exam room, hold his hand, and keep his "Joy for All" animatronic cat on lap during the exam and when the dental hygienist cleaned his teeth. It also didn't hurt that both the dentist and optometrist were just a few blocks away from great ice cream parlors. I always promised ice cream for us after the appointments before we returned to his long-term care center.
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Reply to swmckeown76
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Can someone from the memory care place take her instead of you?

She might be doing this to get you to "visit" her instead of a legit need for glasses.

Next time make the appointment and regardless of mood take her. Odds are she will be "better" once she's at the appointment. But when it comes time to pay for new glasses she will start "the Show" again. I've worn glasses since I was 7 and I've seen plenty of senior citizens throw fits in eye clinics. Your mom won't be the last or first to do it.
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Reply to Jhalldenton
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BlueHeron, could you tell if your Mom needs glasses for "distance" or "reading glasses" or both? In the past has your Mom been tested for macular degeneration or cataracts?


Which type of doctor would your Mom be going to to see: ophthalmologist, optometrist, or optician? Today's ophtalmologist have state of the art equipment that makes it easier. Example, there is a computer (autorefractor) that can actually diagnosis an eye prescription. Mom would sit looking into a screen at a small picture and has to keep her eyes still, it only takes a couple of minutes.....


Then the doctor can put that prescription into the refractor machine to double check (that's the machine where one answers if A or B is better). The doctor can even check eye pressure without the need of eye drops.
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Reply to freqflyer
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TouchMatters Dec 19, 2024
I think a person with dementia is unable to read.
Computer auto-refractor sounds interesting (new to me) although I doubt a person with dementia could keep themselves 'still' for a couple of minutes. She likely won't understand what is going on.
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