She’s only lived with us a few weeks, so I’m a Nub, but one thing I’ve noticed in the afternoon is, she gets increasingly grouchy which I attribute to her being hungry. She talks about food obsessively on a loop for hours - when I’m making it, what I’m making, if I’m getting take out, and then making lots of faces and glaring at me if she doesn’t think it sounds good (meanwhile she enjoys everything I put in front of her, so why the scowls?!) So, then I do the natural thing: ask her if she’s hungry and offer to make her something. She always refuses but gets increasingly hangry and occasionally spits venom, at which time I make myself scarce. Anyone have any experience with this? Looking for any helpful tips or tricks. Thanks!!!
My mom will let me know she is still hungry right after she consumes a big meal and I tell her to wait at least 20 minutes and see if she is still hungry. She is usually full after twenty minutes.I will not give my mom any more food after a big meal. Did it and she complained of nausea and sometimes spits up. I remind her she will get sick so she is quite cooperative now.
Having another generation in the house-hold takes a lot of adjustment, because things were done differently back in her time.
Can you give her her main meal at noon and as others have suggested provide healthy and appealing snacks in the afternoon?
My mother is difficult with food also.
However, I found out that 'snacks' work. If I put too much food (a regular plate of food) in front of my mother; she is not hungry and won't eat it. While my mother's 'refusing' to eat is an attention thing: I do have some tips that I found work (whatever the cause).
* put small plates with one or two pieces of cheese & one or two crackers in front of her, in those hangry afternoon hours
* if/when she eats this just replace the plate with another plate of 1 or 2 small pieces of something without saying anything.
* if she says she won't/can't eat it - maybe reply "oh, O.K well it is there in case you wanted a snack" or something along that line and then do it again in 30 minutes or so
* don't make a big deal about it with her
The really great thing is that she actually does eat what you put in front of her.
Just an idea.
Welcome to the site.
-Bevel
IF so, then you can give her some simple projects to "help"
Like if you get a package muffin mix that just adds milk...
help her to pour the mix into a bowl, measure the milk, and then let her mix and fill the muffin tins.
I actually think as we age we do need to cut down on food intake. And the body knows when it's hungry...just not the broken brain.
Have snacks and juices or ensure nearby and available. My dad actually eats very little food because his dentures don't fit right. But he can scarf down a half sandwhich! Or cookies or ensure chocolate milk.
Best wishes, just stop the battles and enjoy some peace!
Hugs
Also, be aware of the foods she really likes and try rotating how often you serve them so she doesn't get bored. Giving her what she likes to eat when she's most likely to eat it will make caring for her manageable.
As for the scowling, it may be something she feels like doing. Our loved ones are who and how they are. Sometimes we just have to say "I don't get it." and keep it moving. I can only imagine how annoying her behavior is, especially when you're extending care to her. Be patient with yourself so that you can be patient with yourself.
Wishing the best for both of you.
GI've her a choice of what to fix to eat.
Ask her to help you fix something to eat.
it’s very hard to give help and advice when all the details are missing,
it’s very hard to give help and advice when all the details are missing,
You said she can’t live in a retirement home because of Covid…I disagree with that because people are moving into these places. Covid is not going anywhere and we are having to adjust.
she is not going to get easier the longer she lives with you the harder it will be to move her out.
since I don’t know what her issues are medically, I would suggest you designate a place where she can find snacks in the pantry to assist herself. Buy some nutritional supplement drinks and put in the fridge for her to access. Show her where the fruit is etc.
Do not get in this habit of waiting on her and trying to figure out how to make her happy. It’s possible she just wants to be contrary.
Rather than ask if she wants something fix her something that she would like.
Keep it small and simple if you are getting ready to make dinner. So some yogurt, fruit, some tea, coffee or water would be a nice snack.
If she has dementia it may/ will get to the point where giving her options should be limited. Go from several choices to two.
If there is no dementia in the diagnosis it could be that she has just been moved, is living in someone elses home and is no longer "the head of household" and that can be a tough "demotion" for some people. I know I would not like it if I had to move in with someone and could no longer do what I wanted when I wanted. I know I wont like it when and if I get to the point of needing a caregiver and I am no longer the "queen of my castle"
You are doing the right thing when she spits venom and you leave. As long as it is safe to leave her walk away. Not worth an argument and if she does have dementia you will NEVER win an argument. Her reality will always be her reality.
Since you noticed that this happens late in the afternoon it could be attributed to what is called "sun downing". Try pulling the shades, drapes or what ever and increase the lighting in the house. Use brighter bulbs rather than ones with a yellow cast to them. Keep to a schedule and keep her active as much as possible. If there is an Adult Day Care it will give her something to do, give you a break and it will give her a chance to meet people and be more social. (important with or without a diagnosis of dementia)
*side note I do hope your husband discussed this with you and is taking a VERY active role in caring for his mom this should not all be on you.
1. If she is able, ask her to help you cook one of her favorite recipes. See if she can be part of the process. Ask her for cooking advice, see if she will taste things, and give you suggestions.
2. As we age, our tastebuds can go, and we don't taste food like we once did. The last taste to go is sweet. Sometimes when seniors don't eat, they can't taste the food and lose interest. Try sprinkling some sugar on her food, make it sweet and see if she will eat.
I've noticed that a lot of assisted living places now have "afternoon tea" available. It's a great social thing and helps low-appetite seniors get some additional calories into their day.
Ground rule: Don't ask! - and don't urge her to eat.
Always sit down and share the meal with her - Engage in normal chit-chat and throw in a comment or two about the delicious food and thank her for her great suggestions for that specific meal. Give her small a portion on a RED plate (Red stimulates her appetite) - People are easily overwhelmed by too much on the plate and may also be confused if that food requires different utensils. I try to plan meals that are attractive and can be consumed using a single utensil - or it can be finger food. I use red dessert plates and replenish along the way.
PS Many of our elders have failing eye-sight which can make it difficult for them to see what's on their plates.
When I ask Mom if she wants a small snack for lunch, she usually says no, but when presented to her, it's eaten.
oh, hang on, that should be 'mortar'! (construction joke, sorry)
Thank you everyone for your kind replies and thoughtful suggestions! I tried not asking, and just putting a small plate of food down, and that seemed to help. About an hour later, she still talked about dinner and there were still scowls, but I just took that as my cue to go find some private time elsewhere, since there’s nothing I can do about her mood.
Many thanks, everyone!