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I had to put my mom in a memory care unit in September. It was difficult at first, but as she became accustomed to living there she is doing much better. She isn't begging me to take her home all the time, although every now & then she'll ask me to drop her off at home. When I explain that I can't do that, she's fine. My current issue is that I am bringing her to my house for Thanksgiving dinner and I'm afraid that she will insist on going to her house instead of back to memory care.


This happened last month when I took her to a doctor appointment. I explained everything to her, but she got upset and was very curt with me for 2 days afterward. I certainly don't want this issue on a holiday. Other than explaining that she has to go back to memory care, does anyone have any ideas?

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When you're ready to take her back, say "time to go home" and take her home - to the memory care unit. That's where she lives now. It is not a lie.

Once at the facility: quick hug, kiss, hand over to the staff, run like the wind.

You are certain it's not a better plan to let her celebrate Thanksgiving with her community at the facility?
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Avoid the issue by not taking her out. Visit her, stay briefly and encourage her to enjoy the meal at her facility. Been there, done that.
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We are going the day after TG to visit them at the NH. As long as we take pie I think they'll be happy. Maybe you can try that?
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((((((coral)))))) I am not sure that explaining anything will always help your mother. Is there any chance she will become agitated if she wants to go home from your place and you will not take her? I think the same thing that happened in the doctor's visit could happen again. Can her dr prescribe anything to calm her if necessary? Eventually you may not be able to take her out. it may be better all around to celebrate occasions in the memory care. This is so difficult.
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It's a personal decision and there are many opinions about it on this site. I'd just make sure that you have considered how things might go when you take her to your home. I'd be prepared for all sorts of things, including her not being content, not wanting to leave, and getting disoriented when you return her to the MC unit. I experienced that with my LO a couple of times and due to that I do not take her out. She loves the MC and it is home to her now, but, when she leaves and returns, she gets confused and has to get reoriented to it.

Will you have other guests for Thanksgiving? I'd consider if they are prepared and do you have someone who can sit with mom if she gets tired or agitated and needs to retire early. My LO doesn't tolerate a lot of noise and commotion, so that's another reason that celebrating at the facility and not overstaying works best for her. She tires easily.
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Coralmae,
Call the memory care unit ASAP to find out what procedures are necessary to hold her room. Many times during a hospitalization, a room is "given away." Good luck on the surgery!!
Blessings,
Jamie
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Ugh--trying to get anything done on a holiday weekend is the pits. I'm pretty sure that's what held up all the calls and stuff.
I'm sorry for your mom's accident, that's sad it happened when you were just trying to show her a nice time.

Generally, yes, hospitals will call once and if you don't answer, they move on. Esp when it was a "emergency, but not life threatening" injury. They had no way of knowing how long you'd be. You chose to go to the funeral, and that kind of messed things up. I guess that is one reason they ALWAYS want a family member to stay at the hospital the whole time of the intake and surgery--so if anything arises and you have to make a decision, you're there.

Just a suggestion--don't go in hot and heavy---be polite and kind. You get the same treatment in return. I know you're frustrated, but the hospital is running on about half-staff, so cut them some slack.

Good Luck with mom.
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Coralmae,
Don't beat yourself up, she could have fallen at memory care too! Your heart's desire was to have your Mom at your Thanksgiving table.
Your Mom is relatively young at 64 (?), so it seems harder to realize her limitations and plan for that.
Could have happened to any guest, imo.

Hope the surgery helps her ankle, and that she is wherever she needs to be afterwards.

Are you okay today?
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Hello all, my mom fell at MY house & she seemed to be okay. When I took her back to the MCU I told them what happened and they put an ice pack on her ankle and elevated her leg. Today, I got a call from the hospital asking for permission to do the surgery. When I got to the hospital, they told me surgery will be tomorrow, then she'll have to do rehab but they won't know how long she'll have to be in rehab; it all depends on Mom & her recovery rate. She's broken the ankle before (about 8 years ago) and recovered very well. Of course, now she is 85 years old but still in good health.

After I left the hospital, I went to the MCU to see why I wasn't called immediately (she was admitted last night) and was told that the on-call charge nurse at the MCU could not be reached, but they thought that someone had called me. Naturally, this happened on a holiday when they have a limited staff and I'm glad that the aid in charge decided to send her to the hospital, but I tried to reach the on-call charge nurse today and never got a call back! The aid that I saw this evening told me that the MCU will hold her apartment for 60 days. Fortunately, they have a rehab center there so maybe I can work something out with them to hold her unit.

I'm very frustrated that nobody from the MCU called me and I will deal with it on Monday. The communication is lacking at the MCU and this is the best MCU in my area!
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Coralmae; I'd check with the administration of the MCU on Monday about how long they'll hold her room, what the charges will be, etc. The aide may or may now know the ins and outs of all this.
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