Validation verses reorienting Mom with dementia. Distraction is only working for a moment. Any advice?
My 86 yo Mother has stage 5 Alzheimer's disease. I have found that for the most part the validation practice works best as I can only imagine how difficult it is for her to have me correct her constantly when she knows that she is right. The biggest problem we have run into of late is that she believes that my younger sister is a 7 year old child and is lost and she can't find her. She constantly is looking for her and gets very agitated because she can't find her and no one believes her. She has started wandering off while looking for her and leaving the facility. She has a wander guard on and the door alarms but she just goes right on through and says that the staff will find her since the door alarmed. I can only imagine how terrifying it must be to think that her child is lost. I've tried reorienting her thinking it will help if she is reminded that my sister is a grown woman and has her own grandchildren. She keeps disagreeing with me that this just can't be possible. We thought if my sister would talk to her it might settle her down but that isn't happening. Sister has NOTHING to do with her. Should I just go along (validation) and not disagree with her? Or continue to remind her that her baby is now a grown woman? Distraction only works for a moment and then she is back at it.
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I admit the first time I read something like that I thought “yeah, right! That has to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard! As if anyone can be fool by a stuffed animal masquerading as a real one. Even someone with dementia”.
Then I came to be familiar with two women at my mothers nursing home.
One woman held a baby doll and the other - some sort of stuffed animal. I could never tell what animal it was representing as the woman held on to it so tightly. Which is my point.
Both these women were never without their artificial companion. Never. They seem to hold on to these falsies as if their lives depended on them.
Loving on them, talking to them, petting and stroking them as if they were the real deal. Both woman seem content and at ease. I commented as such once to a staff member at the home. Their reply was “they are content and relaxed. Just don’t try to take their “baby” away from them.”
So, anyone who thinks this sounds like a silly idea - "Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it”.
Is mom taking anti anxiety meds? Seroquel was a wonder drug for my mom, but she could not take ativan, completely opposite effect.
Best wishes,
Lisa
There is your answer.
However having said that in your situation, can you not just offer she is at a sleepover with her friends? Was she an athlete, book worm? Adding she is doing what your Mom May remember. Sadly you can never bring back these parts she is losing, but be her friend. Her world has become very scary, you can be her champion, not her teacher anymore? Good luck and God Bless!
I'd also discuss something for mother's anxiety and delusions. She sounds very mentally distressed. I'd explore medication and maybe a sleep aid.
It sounds like regardless of what you say, it's not going to really affect her beliefs about her troubles, so, I'd discuss it with her doctor, ask about meds and secure unit, and try to comfort and soothe her as best you can. Disagreeing really isn't productive, from what I have seen.
Your Mom needs to be in a locked or secure unit. It is hard to believe that they would not have told you this themselves. (the facility) They are responsible for her safety while she is in their care. (Different story if you take her to lunch and she wanders off) If the facility does not have a locked unit you need to be looking for one and prepare to transfer her.
Now to your "lost sister"
If your sister is estranged then in a sense she is "lost".
Is there a way that you can get someone to call your Mom and say it is "little sister" Mom can talk to her younger "daughter" and be assured that she is no longer lost. This will only work if your Mom can or still use a phone. My Husband stopped using the phone early on in his journey with dementia. I don't know if he could not remember who he was talking to if he could not see them or if it was because he was never a big talker to begin with.
If she will not or can not talk on the phone if you can get someone that sort of looks like sister to come visit. You do not say how long it has been since Mom saw sister but if it has been a while it might work to calm her down. I do not like deception of this kind but if it helps to keep Mom safe that is the lesser of 2 evils I guess.
Perhaps an old pic of her might help too? If it doesn't work, and only upsets her, take it back when she's out of the room.
If you say the daughter is grown they don't get it. I'd just say she's found and is just fine.
Good luck~
alzheimers who called me by my mother's name and my daughter by my name. If a young relative could visit for a few minutes that might help; then you offer reasons why she can't return. Or a doll--I had a large rag doll when I was a kid that was about 3-4 feet tall. With "hair" the right color and a simple 50's dress that might be something she would accept.
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