Hello! My mother and I have a complicated situation. She’s 75, I’m in my mid 20s, and my family and I believe she has early frontotemporal dementia. My grandfather (her father) passed away from Lewy Body dementia, so the family has done a good bit of research on different dementias, however my mother has been living overseas and hasn’t been able to be checked. She recently made the decision to move back to the States due to poor finances. She has a mountain of debt, and a spending addiction that continues to get worse; I am also her POA. She is moving in with me for a month, but will need to find housing, she has no money saved (spent all her money) and only has Social Security as income. She may qualify for subsidized housing, however she won’t like it. I am not in a position to financially support her as I am currently unemployed and looking for work, and also do not have the space for her long term. We are also not on good terms due to her behavioral changes and toxic behavior towards me. The worse it gets, the harder it is on me to handle, and also due to her financial situation, she has constantly made her finances worse despite family efforts to sway her in the right direction. Now she is hoping we will clean up the mess she has made or support her which none of us can afford to do. I am wondering what sort of resources I should look into for living help? Most subsidized housing is currently full as are wait lists. She cannot afford assisted living either, which would be the best place for her right now. Any other advice on how to potentially handle the living situation would be grateful. I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do.
So, if you must, give her a week free visit, and then at least charge rent (couch surfers in my area pay about half of what someone in a bedroom does), a fair share of utilities (two people in the house, each pay half), and groceries.
Use that week well. You need to get her evaluated for dementia. You need POA for money matters and healthcare, either because of dementia or her other psychological issues. You need them while she is still a guest, not a tenant. Do your homework on appointments and paperwork before she gets here. If she still has any room on her credit cards, the medical evaluations can go on there if they won't bill her later while medicaid pending.
If you rent, does your lease allow for long term guests? Having her stay for a month is likely to give her "tenant's rights" so you (or your landlord) can't get her out without evicting her. This might be a good excuse to decrease the time you host her or encourage other family members to take turns.
I wish you well.
I wish you good luck but I would say read the book Boundaries, and keep strong ones between the two of you. Lewy Body I believe is not familial. Without any diagnosis your Mother could be suffering from nothing other than bad attitude, which is her norm. I would stay uninvolved, to tell you the truth. You are just beginning your life and you are going to need all your resources. You begin this question by telling us you are in your mid 20s and your mother is 75. Did she somehow adopt you at age 50-55? What country has she been living in? It is almost certainly the best expenditure of money to be ready to purchase a ticket back "home".