I feel like I'm in limbo right now. My mom is in a care facility on hospice but it's technically a temporary one, so it can't accommodate her stuff being moved in. She still has an apartment that I need to break the lease on and move her stuff out of, but what do I do will all her stuff? There are only a few items I want to keep myself and I live in an apartment. I have no idea where to even begin with on finding a new place for her items.
She has no other family; it's just me.
Do I sell it? Do I put it all in a U-Haul and donate it to goodwill or the veteran’s society or something? Do I rent a storage unit and put the items in it to sift between keep, sell, donate?
What did you all do with your parent's stuff after they passed? She lives in a subsidized housing so doing an "estate sale" is not necessary. And she has nothing that will go through probate either.
No legal process required, just an affidavit that he had less then 75k to transfer the truck title.
Sell what you can.
Donate what does not sell.
Call a "junk remover" for the rest. Even if you call a "donation site" like Salvation Army, Purple Heart...they can take the items that can not be sold and will sell them for recycling. (I guess that might be "upcycling")
I just had an estate sale for my parents' things, then the hauler came in and cleared out everything else for $1800. It took them three days to empty that 2500 sq ft house, so that was a bargain. The hauler gets to dump or sell what they want, so they make more on the backside.
I had used the 800-Got-Junk folks once, and it cost me $500 to have them take away a sofa, two chairs, and a coffee table. I don't recommend that route. Just have a garage sale if you want, then call the haulers, or go straight with the haulers.
My parents downsized. At 80 I have done the same. Have already given to my kids the things I want them to have, and keep them well versed on all my assets, where, and to whom.
Only you can know the value of these things. You say your Mom is on Hospice now and only you can guess whether she will survive for some time and not want to hear her things are gone.
At the least you are looking at several moves, perhaps one to storage. If there is not a lot of value, then I might consider open house after family accepts what they wish to have, and let people take things. We used to have a little country cabin. We virtually gave away the contents and people were THRILLED.
As to probate, without a will you simply go to an attorney and he will get your appointed as administrator of the estate. You can then make your choices what to do with things, and handle last bills. If Mom has no assets then bills go back "expired; no estate".
MJ has excellent ideas for you at the time your Mom has expired, and I am so sorry for your coming loss. I wish you the best.
At this time you should consider cleaners coming in at the least to eliminate refuse. A place not lived in is open to infestations and deterioration and that's one reason that insurance companies do not like empty homes.
Wishing you good luck.
Everything else--well, we had a yard sale and it wasn't worth the energy it took to set it up and price everything. At the end of the day and yielding less than $100! we simply loaded up a truck and the guys hauled it to GoodWill.
I did have to go through all his paperwork--took me a couple of weeks b/c he never threw anything away---and shredded tons and tons of papers.
IF your mother has any chance of returning to independent living, that is a different matter. She may care if you toss everything--you might have to rent a storage pod and store things for a bit--but be forewarned--those are very expensive in the long run and she may not have enough stuff to mandate the use of long term storage. Up to you, really. As long as stuff is in storage, it's also taking up space in your brain.
In my city, New Orleans, we have a lot of 202 HUD subsidized housing. & rummage / moving sales are not at all allowed and you can be evicted for doing them. It had gotten to be a real issue to the point that HUD actually evicted a few families who did. So clearly ask before you even start to think about doing this. The management of housing complex has dealt with having to do removing a residents belongings before. Try to find out a determination that she is going to go into LTC facility and so not ever returning to the unit and let the manager know. Perhaps first go to her place, take the sentimental items you want and as much of her clothing, shoes etc, that you can store at your place for her and let the rest go with whatever plan the manager suggests. Y’all walk the unit together. Take photos too so you can clearly show that it’s all basics of life contents & nothing of exceptional value. Manager will likely be beyond thrilled that you are giving them advance notice too!
Another option is to contact a church that has guild / group that does a rummage room or annual sale to have them come and take items.
On renting a UHaul & storage unit, this will have costs, maybe few hundred alone initially. If mom will be going onto LTC Medicaid to pay for her stay in a NH or MC facility, once she files for this type of Medicaid then all her monthly income will be required to become a copay to the facility. All she will have is a small personal needs allowance (PNA) that is $50 -or $ 60 a mo for most states. PNA $ kinda at best covers her beauty shoppe & some toiletries replacement as these not covered by LTC Medicaid. PNA is imo never night to pay for replacement costs so you will inevitable need buying her chores, pj, underwear, cosmetics etc. & it’s just what we do for them without being ever compensated. LSs She will not have any $ to pay for the storage unit. It will fall to you to pay & if not it will be padlocked and then sold to bidder as per public Notice. Happens all the time,
Right now she is allowed to keep most if not all her monthly income as she’s still in the “community” & renting via a subsidy. She has food & daily living costs, which she uses her mo income (like social security) to pay for. But once she becomes a LTC resident there’s no more monthly income $ just the little PNA. She is allowed only a max of 2K as exempt assets. If she does not already have a prepaid funeral and burial those costs will fall onto you to deal with later on. If your funds are themselves limited, please take a hard look at how best to use whatever $ she currently has and then will have once if on LTC Medicaid. Best of luck on the next few weeks too.
If you decide to do this piecemeal like I did, try not to do too much at once, because it can be very emotionally taxing. Maybe I'm just an emotional person who overthinks things, but I've found it to be really draining. You may find that you can only do 3-4 hours at a time before you're completely spent from reliving old memories and making decisions about all of this stuff from various periods of your mother's life.
If you're making decisions like keep / trash / recycle / Goodwill / sell, have bins or bags in every room where you gather those categories. If you're neck-deep in one of your mother's closets, you don't want to keep having to go to the trash bag in the living room, the Goodwill pile by the front door, the "take home with me" totebag in the bathroom, etc. Instead, have a trash bag in every room, a Goodwill box in every room, etc. It just simplifies things if you're like me and spend an hour in this room, an hour in that room. You can consolidate the piles at the end of the day.
If you're holding something in your hand and can't make a decision about whether to trash, donate, or keep it, put it aside for now and move on to the next item. You'll find that when you return to the apartment on another day, you'll know exactly what to do with it. I don't know why; it's just been the case for me. But trying to force yourself to immediately make a decision about every object you encounter will just wear you out emotionally.
Push yourself to get done what you can, but forgive yourself if you just completely run out of energy and have to resume the work on another day. It will happen. Bring a trusted person with you when you can. It's always nice to have another person to bounce ideas off of—"do you think any of my cousins would want this?" "should I just put this on the curb with a FREE sign?"—and it keeps the experience from being too depressing.
Be cordial to any of her neighbors who you come across (if they are friendly and stable). They can be a help. One neighbor of my mom's rolls back the trash cans after I've put them out on one of my visits, another one texts me if there's something amiss like a gas smell or a dog stuck in the back yard, another one has lent me yard work tools. I didn't ask for any of it, they volunteered, but it's been a help. Of course, be safe. This is also why it's good to have someone along with you, when possible.
Treat yourself. After a depressing few hours of making decisions about the future of my mother's worldly goods in a cold, dark house, I sometimes stop for a cup of coffee on the way home. (I'm not normally the kind of person who buys coffee out, so to me it feels like a splurge.) You might have a different thing that you treat yourself with after a hard day (hopefully not something too unhealthy). It just helps to reset your mood.
Again, I did it the hard way, in part because I've been able to take my time sorting through it all. If your mom's apartment doesn't have much of value or historical significance (like grandparents' marriage photos stuck here and there amongst old magazines), you might be better off getting someone to help you get rid of it all at once.
I hope this process ends up being easier for you than it has been for me. Best wishes to you.
Looking back only one month after her passing I wish I kept more to go through much later when my mind wasn’t distracted from her medical situation. I know you live in an apartment but I would recommend keeping anything that might be a “borderline” keep/toss. Space permitting you can always decide later but once it’s gone, it’s gone.
You’d be surprised how sentimental you become when your loved one passes away. I take comfort in the things/memories I kept but wish I had taken more time…
2. I live in a large metropolitan city. There are companies that will come in, arrange all your stuff, price it, lay it out, then advertise and supervise the sale. They obviously take a percentage of the proceeds. I've been to a few and they sell EVERYTHING. I bought a nail clipper at one. You might look into it. It's a great way to get rid of as much as possible and your mother might make a little money. Then gather up what doesn't sell and donate it.
Me, my Mom had nothing of value. I started cleaning out when she entered the AL. I gave most of her things away and to thrift shops. Only a string of pearls was worth anything. All she had in the end was her house and that was not worth much. I was never questioned about where was her household stuff. To be honest, they had no way of knowing what she had or didn't have. The only time that was questioned was when my sister died without a Will and the state stepped in and tagged everything for sale.