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This is little consequence knowing your lived one is being scammed. I always wonder why no one can ever talk them out of it. They dig in even further.
Here are some things you can do. Encourage your loved one to file a complaint with the following: Local police The Federal Trade Commission (877-FTC-HELP) The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov) The Better Business Bureau's Scam Trackersystem The US Senate Subcommittee on Aging Fraud Hotline (1-855-303-9470) You can also discuss the situation and meet others who've been through it at www.scamsurvivors.com.
I agree with Mymommy38. The younger woman could apply for guardianship of your father! Best to act sooner to protect him - and you. If he's left destitute & has 'gifted' her his money, he won't qualify for Medicaid if he needs it. The length of time he won't qualify depends on the amount gifted, & if the gift was given within the last 5 years. This could leave both you dad & you in a tight spot!
Becoming POA involves a discussion. Your father asked you to become his POA and you agreed by signing the papers. That said, you are under no obligation to continue in the role.
As POA you can justifiably review his checkbooks, bank statements, tax returns, bills, etc. as part of your fiduciary duty to him by preparing a budget for him.
It's also time to have a formal i.e. witnessed conversation with your dad. That conversation can happen in front of his attorney who drew up the POA papers, his doctor who may recognize the early signs of dementia, an independent geriatric care manager hired by you, someone both you and he trust, etc. Protect yourself by having an independent third party present to document your efforts.
Allowing him to continue to waste his money - or be bamboozled out of it - is going to do neither you nor your father any favors when he's destitute.
A POA is not in effect until a person is declared incompetent or unable to make decisions for themself. Has your father been assessed by a physician regarding early stage dementia? Sometimes early stage dementia is exhibited by an inability to manage financial matters. Have you discussed your state's requirements for limited guardianship with mmm the attorney who drafted the POA? It seems to me that there is some sort of a disconnect in his decision making capability. A neuropsychologist is also trained to assess people for dementia as well as other cognit8ve issues. Good luck.
I work for adult protective services and you must file guardianship and/or conservatorship in order to protect and preserve your fathers finances. Side note don't be surprised if that younger woman beat you to it, SO PLEASE CONSIDER IT
So many answers, but this same or similar question comes up again & again. Just different versions. A POA is not guardianship. You have limited powers, and cannot act against your loved one unless they are completely mentally gone or physically incapacitated. Like a dementia patient in the latter stages who wants to leave their safe assisted living apartment at 3 AM to go to a bar in a snowstorm! Most of our LOs can at least 'hold it together' long enough for their actions to simply be labeled as "making bad decisions" - and that is not grounds for getting guardianship or going against their wishes on how & where to live, or who to associate with. People are allowed to be foolish & make poor choices. A POA is more like a 'permission' in many cases. If the LO is considered competent, but cannot get to a bank, or asks you to write out checks for their bills, etc., with a durable POA you can do that. If they are unconscious in a hospital or incoherent you can make decisions for them - medical care, care home arrangements, etc. Which decisions you can make also depends on if you have both durable/financial & medical POAs - sometimes they are in 1 document. Different POAs bestow different "powers" - like the power to sell real property may not be in your particular POA - you need to look - and state laws vary as well. Some states don't allow certain powers to be granted without excessive documentation. A "Springing POA" only takes effect if several doctors concur that your LO is no longer able to handle their own affairs. If their dementia gets so bad they need to be in a home, you can work with the social worker to get them care. But usually you cannot use it to take away the phone or computer your LO is using to contact their "sweetheart" even if you suspect a scam. You still have to go to law enforcement. It's not to say that I don't know people who did take away mom or dad's phone and put them in assisted living/nursing homes & kept them there against thier will. One situation I saw got resolved once that child was caught stealing her parent's money. Another situation was a facility taking advantage & doing whatever the holder of the POA wanted, including giving excessive sedation! It happens. That is not what a POA is for though. A lawyer once told me to think of it this way "You stand in his shoes." Meaning, do what your father would want to do if he's not able to do it himself or is not able to make his wishes known. If you think of it this way, a POA makes more sense. If you feel your LO is in need of more care than they are allowing you to give, and may be incompetent - and will not allow you to help them - you may need to go for guardianship. It is a difficult process, and an expensive one. And no judge wants to err on the side of taking away someone's rights unnecessarily. Good luck to all of us caring for our loved ones!
Do you have a POA for him? If so you need to get in contact with an attorney now and enlist the attorneys help in notifying your dad and his girl friend that this behavior cannot continue. You need to start to take over all management of bill paying, etc. Give him a set amount per week that he can spend and it he runs out of funds, so be it.
Do you control the money aspect? If so, how can he be sending money he has no access to? If not, then I'd talk to an attorney, or the bank, and see what your options are.
Get all the info you can about this woman. File a report at www.IC3.gov That is the FBI website for internet crimes, especially of this type. You said he is still living independently & you have POA. If that is not a Durable POA that has been activated, then you currently have no power and he can change his POA at any time. This happened with a neighbor 6 weeks before she died. Changed MPOA, Trust, Will.. everything!
If he is bouncing checks ir incurring past due fees, use that to take him to the bank and get everything auromated. Auto pay bills first day after his check hits. Get Gift Cards for grocery shopping, his favorite shops, and drop off cash for misc., Weekly if possible. Contact Elder Legal Aid...Free if he is low income ( under about $28K a year) and have them help make POA Durable and currently in effect if possible. They can also help set up safeguards with the bank. If checks are going out of state, then it is US Felony Mail Fraud! Get legal system as your advocate..and witness. This way if he ever accuses you of stealing his money, you have a strong record of your actions with authorities.
Hmm. Is Nonneiev new to the site? If they are phishing us..I hope they learn that we will help get the law on them, and cut them off quickly! In which case, your words of caution are important to those who may take a softer approach! Thanks!
Seriously, I doubt his young lover cares a whit for keeping him alive! She's taking money he needs to survive, and that's just wrong. There are many who scam the elderly with romance - these scams are actually called "Sweetheart scams"! Some of these female scammers belong to a particular Gypsy clan (yes, they exist!). They have husbands recognized by their own Gypsy laws, but target lonely, elderly men. They have been caught legally marrying, then murdering, much older men. They have no shame, and neither does this young woman taking money from this elderly gentleman. She needs the fear of the law put into her!
Is this a younger woman "girlfriend" ( or at least he imagines her to be a girlfriend) and/or someone who is manipulating your father into giving her money?
If your POA is "Durable," it takes effect only if your father is declared incompetent or incapacitated, usually by two doctors. If you have a regular, financial POA, you might be able to step in sooner.
Is you POA a durable one and does it give you the right to make financial decisions? Who is the younger woman, a family member or some person he knows? You should probably speak with an attorney...get some pro-bono consultation with an attorney.
I had a similar situation, but my dad was paying his bills and living in my home for free while he sent money to a younger sister. When I found out I put a stop to it even before I got POA status. I am no longer friends with his sisters or brothers or anyone who in the past took advantage of my dad's generosity and took his money. I let them know exactly how I feel. He passed away not one of the takers of his money came to his memorial service not one! Funny he and I spoke about them and how hypocritical they all were and by not attending his service or even sending a card or calling just proves that they are all evil and in my mind going straight to the bottomless pit!
Many years ago I was friends with a woman who was like a mother to me and I a daughter to her. There was a true bond of love that spanned some 30 years before she passed at age 98. I took care of her for 28 years. In the beginning, and no one knew this until she was hospitalized and her niece, who had POA at the time, discovered that she had given $l00,000 to strangers who were visiting her and selling things. I was asked to take over her care and did. I spent the next six months (while working full time) working with her pension, Social Security, banks, medical people, and the list goes on. It turned out the woman came to sell her something and then saw the money and brought her husband and daughter. Over the next few months they completely controlled and took over her life. I went to hell and back when my life was threatened by these people when I got the bank to get the money back into her name only. It took the threat of a class action five million dollar lawsuit against one of the biggest banks in the country at the time to refund the money. I also fought tooth and nail to get money put back into her account when they forged checks. And when I fired a dangerous, sneaky caretaker who was "double dipping" her funds (paid in check and again in cash), I faced a similar threat from her son. I recorded every single detail or everything that went on - I still have all that information today. And there were many more nightmares that had to be corrected. The things I had to straighten out, including IRS problems (which took me three years and only when I got to the highest level in the land in Washington, DC) and all of the multitudes of things that occurred were astronomical in nature and the time and effort it took. But in the end I won every battle, including the church and what they were doing to her. It was among the most challenging jobs I have ever handled but I did it out of love for her, because I was good at figuring out how to make things right, and I enjoyed the good I was doing. Not everyone has the brain or the dedication or the time for doing this. Then you have to involve an elder care attorney and other professionals who are there to take care of the elderly who are trained and able to step in. You cannot allow this to continue. There are many solutions but you have to first figure out what options you have and then implement them. And as to your father, you try to make him see the light and if he does not, do not give him a solitary cent - tell him he is on his own. DO NOT HELP HIM. Let him make his bed and lie in it - that is the only hope you have with someone so stupid. Walk away if nothing helps.
If he is incompetent, then get his doctor to confirm that he is incompetent, a psychological test should be conducted. Tell his doctor he has not been able to pay his bill but may be being swindled by some woman to pay her bills while he goes without. Once that is confirmed, then go find out how you can become his guardian.
If the doctor determines that your father has all of his faculties and is making unwise decisions based on his own stupidity, then, tell the woman... if you can.... that your father can't pay his own bills and that his house is now being taken over by the family to protect him from her, this might deter her, you might want to consider hiring a private detective and getting the goods on this woman she might be doing this as a racket. If she is a super you know what that does not care, then, tell your father that being a POA means you have to respect his decisions while he is still competent. She might be vying to become his POA and take his home too if he has one.
Without guardianship over his well being and finances, you must obey his wishes till death do you part.
I am a highly suspicious person, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Also, do your Google on "how to gain financial guardianship over an mentally incompetent elder" in the state that you live in.
"Dad, maybe your new gl would like to help you with your expenses to avoid you going into anursing facility because you and I BOTH cannot pay your Bills."
You have to keep a a very close eye on this. Could be a sugar baby or scammers from US or Nigeria. Scammers know people are lonely and take advantage. My great grandmother was in her late 70s. A creepy guy in his 50s started coming around. Never wanted to know the family, just her. He wanting odd jobs at first. After awhile acted like he owned her home. He walked into the room and changed the tv channel and walked out. Did that 2x. We were 6yr old kids just watching tv. We went to my grandma and she wouldnt say anything to him. He was testing her to see whose side she would take. He was trying to get her to sell her home and live on a boat with him. His dream not hers. Mom was convinced he would take her money and leave her homeless in Florida. Sev states away. My great grandma was seriously considering this! She asked how I felt and I said someone who loves you wouldnt make you choose him or your family. They would want to be part of your life. Luckily she didnt leave. I was 6 and had more sense. I believe he would have abandoned her the 2nd he went thru her money. Are you POA? Can you get his check book, credit cards? Get control if situation? Get alerts on everything and check daily. Tell him everything is automatically paid. Only gets a few dollars spending money. Is he calling/texting, or is this online or in person? There are so many that take advantage of the elderly. My dad had scammers calling him from Jamaica wanting him to send money. He was trying to. Had to take his credit cards away. It got ugly. It never stops. You cant come on too forcefully. They just dig in and make it worse. Convinced you dont want him to be happy. So I'd ask questions, but get ahold of his credit cards at least. You have to be a detective and find out if he's sending checks too. Or online banking you can check daily. He might give out his banking info. Let us know! This can be a nightmare. Keep us posted. Good luck. Oh I feel for you! Lock everything down.
-Read your POA. See what you are legally allowed to do. Do it if you have the power. Meanwhile -dont pay his bills for him if he falls short. -ask to meet the “woman” ? Is she a verified real person that he knows and has met? If not, check out Dr Phil’s website. He has covered this topic several times. If your dad could watch one of the programs he might identify with one of the elders on the program who is being taken advantage of. They never say on those programs but I would assume the adult children dIdn’t have a DPOA.
Remember the saying. “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Had a neighbor who was suspicious of a younger guy her mom met in church. Innocent enough in the beginning but something seemed off. She was in her 80s. This guy maybe 50. Her mother would talk to him on the phone like a teenager. She was clearly smitten. He Kept coming around and calling. Neighbor was able to shake him by making “friends” with him as well. He moved on.
On its own, the fact that your father sends money to a "younger" woman leaving him short of funds for his real bills is not enough to prove his incompetence. He may just have altered his priorities while in full possession of his mental faculties. You're quite entitled to think that the alteration is not for the better, and is a considerable headache, even that it is right out of character; but you'll need more than that to wield your POA and take his finances out of his hands.
So...
What money? Who is the woman? What is the reasoning or motivation behind his being happy to send her money he does need for his own living expenses? Has he even met her, or is it possible that she is the online face of a nasty-piece-of-work scam?
I would see if this woman is cat phishing your dad. If so, block her ability to communicate to him and visa versa. If your dad can't tell that he's being scammed, then I would imagine he has cognitive decline and the DPoA needs to act to protect his assets before this woman convinces him to make HER DPoA (which happens more than you can imagine). Cut off your Dad's ability to drain his savings and cut her off asap. But be careful how you handle it with him -- it's kind of like when you were dating an undesirable boy in HS and the more your parents reacted against him the more you wanted to keep seeing him. Well, that's how it went for me, anyway ;-)
My husband originally had me as POA with the box checked when he became incompetant but thrn later decided to change it to no restrictions to be in force now. I changef bank account where he couldnt get to funds and i handled all money. If you dont have no restrictions eith his POA you should have him evaluated by neurologist and neuropsychological neuropsychological testing. He has dementia and needs to be protected from scammers.
I think changing POA when having our full faculties, placing in safety guardrails on use if funds is a very very smart move we should all seriously consider! A hospitalization and then issues in Skilled rehab led me to have a long talk, backed by documents showing the Surgeon lied ti him and that one staff member of NH was fired when supervisor returned shortly before my discharge. He needed an attitude adjustment. I also spoke with his brother, my #2 on MPOA. I may be changing my POA soon. I am 62! You can customize Durable Powers vs boiler plate POA. Do so! Make it fit so you know your life will be what you wish!
Also file copies with banks and hospitals! My dad violated my Mom's Living Will, which she modified after advanced Hep C meant treatment of her other issues was no longer going to work. She wrote No Feeding Tube..so she fought when they tried to give her one and was injured as a result...injuries that contributed to her death 5 days later IMO.
Dad was in denial and kept forgetting to bring the papers. The hospital knew from transfered records that it existed and when it was updated, but needed a copy to over ride his Medical decision. Yes, a Living Will ( or whatever it is called in your state) supercedes a MPOA, provided it is written and on file in advance.
Not sure how u have approached this but Dad needs to pay his bills first. This is what you need to try and get thru to him. If he is not listening to u, maybe he will listen to another family member. Bills first Dad and then u can send ur friend something.
Have you any sense that your father may have experienced enough cognitive decline that he might benefit from a professional assessment? We had the very good fortune when my LO entered a nearby AL, to become acquainted with a fine psychiatric PA skilled in geriatric assessment and treatment. My LO’s assessment was done through cooperation between her and the physician who provides services at the AL where she lives. A letter was provided to me stating that I, as POA was doing services based on her needs as an incapacitated person. The letter has often been offered to agencies WITH the POA to establish that I am responsible as my LO’s representative. It has always met the legal criteria of the agencies I have dealt with. Hope this approach can be helpful to you.
I am not certain what you mean by "I have POA". Do you mean that your Dad conferred a DPOA and you can serve when he is not able to manage his affairs, or do you mean he has asked you NOW, currently to manage his affairs. The question here is, is your father of sound mind and capable of making this decision to send this woman money? If he is, then it is his money to spend as he chooses. He should know all about the 5 year lookback if he were to need any public assistance (or 3 year in some states) and he should know about "gifting" and what that can do to his plans in future. But he still is able to spend his money as he likes. Now, if you are currently serving as his POA at this request of your rational and together Dad (which is the case for me) you have to do as he requests while you are serving as his POA. If he is demented, you would of course disregard crazy directions. If he is with it, and you are POA to save him work, and he is making these poor decisions after you have told him the consequences, I would resign the POA were I you. Let him handle it himself. You may, either way, need a visit to an Elder Law Attorney, as this is not looking good. If Dad is with it he should go with you. The fee for the attorney is paid for out of the estate you are managing for him. Good luck. Hope you update us.
If he is not mentally competent, you can make "fake checks" for him and he can write as many as he wants to this woman. :-) I would also go to her and tell her the checks she receives in the future will be fake checks and tell her that if she goes to your father to plead for money aside from these fake checks that you will report her for elder abuse because she's charming money out of him when he can't even pay his own bills.
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Here are some things you can do. Encourage your loved one to file a complaint with the following:
Local police
The Federal Trade Commission (877-FTC-HELP)
The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov)
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The US Senate Subcommittee on Aging Fraud Hotline (1-855-303-9470)
You can also discuss the situation and meet others who've been through it at www.scamsurvivors.com.
As POA you can justifiably review his checkbooks, bank statements, tax returns, bills, etc. as part of your fiduciary duty to him by preparing a budget for him.
It's also time to have a formal i.e. witnessed conversation with your dad. That conversation can happen in front of his attorney who drew up the POA papers, his doctor who may recognize the early signs of dementia, an independent geriatric care manager hired by you, someone both you and he trust, etc. Protect yourself by having an independent third party present to document your efforts.
Allowing him to continue to waste his money - or be bamboozled out of it - is going to do neither you nor your father any favors when he's destitute.
Most of our LOs can at least 'hold it together' long enough for their actions to simply be labeled as "making bad decisions" - and that is not grounds for getting guardianship or going against their wishes on how & where to live, or who to associate with. People are allowed to be foolish & make poor choices.
A POA is more like a 'permission' in many cases. If the LO is considered competent, but cannot get to a bank, or asks you to write out checks for their bills, etc., with a durable POA you can do that. If they are unconscious in a hospital or incoherent you can make decisions for them - medical care, care home arrangements, etc.
Which decisions you can make also depends on if you have both durable/financial & medical POAs - sometimes they are in 1 document. Different POAs bestow different "powers" - like the power to sell real property may not be in your particular POA - you need to look - and state laws vary as well. Some states don't allow certain powers to be granted without excessive documentation. A "Springing POA" only takes effect if several doctors concur that your LO is no longer able to handle their own affairs.
If their dementia gets so bad they need to be in a home, you can work with the social worker to get them care. But usually you cannot use it to take away the phone or computer your LO is using to contact their "sweetheart" even if you suspect a scam. You still have to go to law enforcement.
It's not to say that I don't know people who did take away mom or dad's phone and put them in assisted living/nursing homes & kept them there against thier will. One situation I saw got resolved once that child was caught stealing her parent's money. Another situation was a facility taking advantage & doing whatever the holder of the POA wanted, including giving excessive sedation! It happens. That is not what a POA is for though.
A lawyer once told me to think of it this way "You stand in his shoes." Meaning, do what your father would want to do if he's not able to do it himself or is not able to make his wishes known. If you think of it this way, a POA makes more sense.
If you feel your LO is in need of more care than they are allowing you to give, and may be incompetent - and will not allow you to help them - you may need to go for guardianship. It is a difficult process, and an expensive one. And no judge wants to err on the side of taking away someone's rights unnecessarily.
Good luck to all of us caring for our loved ones!
That is the FBI website for internet crimes, especially of this type.
You said he is still living independently & you have POA. If that is not a Durable POA that has been activated, then you currently have no power and he can change his POA at any time. This happened with a neighbor 6 weeks before she died. Changed MPOA, Trust, Will.. everything!
If he is bouncing checks ir incurring past due fees, use that to take him to the bank and get everything auromated. Auto pay bills first day after his check hits. Get Gift Cards for grocery shopping, his favorite shops, and drop off cash for misc., Weekly if possible.
Contact Elder Legal Aid...Free if he is low income ( under about $28K a year) and have them help make POA Durable and currently in effect if possible. They can also help set up safeguards with the bank.
If checks are going out of state, then it is US Felony Mail Fraud! Get legal system as your advocate..and witness. This way if he ever accuses you of stealing his money, you have a strong record of your actions with authorities.
In which case, your words of caution are important to those who may take a softer approach!
Thanks!
His communication with his young lover may be the only thing keeping him alive
Some of these female scammers belong to a particular Gypsy clan (yes, they exist!). They have husbands recognized by their own Gypsy laws, but target lonely, elderly men. They have been caught legally marrying, then murdering, much older men. They have no shame, and neither does this young woman taking money from this elderly gentleman. She needs the fear of the law put into her!
If your POA is "Durable," it takes effect only if your father is declared incompetent or incapacitated, usually by two doctors. If you have a regular, financial POA, you might be able to step in sooner.
I had a similar situation, but my dad was paying his bills and living in my home for free while he sent money to a younger sister. When I found out I put a stop to it even before I got POA status. I am no longer friends with his sisters or brothers or anyone who in the past took advantage of my dad's generosity and took his money. I let them know exactly how I feel. He passed away not one of the takers of his money came to his memorial service not one! Funny he and I spoke about them and how hypocritical they all were and by not attending his service or even sending a card or calling just proves that they are all evil and in my mind going straight to the bottomless pit!
If the doctor determines that your father has all of his faculties and is making unwise decisions based on his own stupidity, then, tell the woman... if you can.... that your father can't pay his own bills and that his house is now being taken over by the family to protect him from her, this might deter her, you might want to consider hiring a private detective and getting the goods on this woman she might be doing this as a racket. If she is a super you know what that does not care, then, tell your father that being a POA means you have to respect his decisions while he is still competent. She might be vying to become his POA and take his home too if he has one.
Without guardianship over his well being and finances, you must obey his wishes till death do you part.
I am a highly suspicious person, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Also, do your Google on "how to gain financial guardianship over an mentally incompetent elder" in the state that you live in.
My great grandmother was in her late 70s. A creepy guy in his 50s started coming around. Never wanted to know the family, just her. He wanting odd jobs at first. After awhile acted like he owned her home. He walked into the room and changed the tv channel and walked out. Did that 2x. We were 6yr old kids just watching tv. We went to my grandma and she wouldnt say anything to him. He was testing her to see whose side she would take.
He was trying to get her to sell her home and live on a boat with him. His dream not hers. Mom was convinced he would take her money and leave her homeless in Florida. Sev states away. My great grandma was seriously considering this! She asked how I felt and I said someone who loves you wouldnt make you choose him or your family. They would want to be part of your life. Luckily she didnt leave. I was 6 and had more sense. I believe he would have abandoned her the 2nd he went thru her money.
Are you POA? Can you get his check book, credit cards? Get control if situation? Get alerts on everything and check daily. Tell him everything is automatically paid. Only gets a few dollars spending money. Is he calling/texting, or is this online or in person? There are so many that take advantage of the elderly. My dad had scammers calling him from Jamaica wanting him to send money. He was trying to. Had to take his credit cards away. It got ugly. It never stops.
You cant come on too forcefully. They just dig in and make it worse. Convinced you dont want him to be happy. So I'd ask questions, but get ahold of his credit cards at least. You have to be a detective and find out if he's sending checks too. Or online banking you can check daily. He might give out his banking info. Let us know! This can be a nightmare. Keep us posted. Good luck. Oh I feel for you! Lock everything down.
-dont pay his bills for him if he falls short.
-ask to meet the “woman” ? Is she a verified real person that he knows and has met?
If not, check out Dr Phil’s website. He has covered this topic several times. If your dad could watch one of the programs he might identify with one of the elders on the program who is being taken advantage of. They never say on those programs but I would assume the adult children dIdn’t have a DPOA.
Remember the saying.
“keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Had a neighbor who was suspicious of a younger guy her mom met in church. Innocent enough in the beginning but something seemed off. She was in her 80s. This guy maybe 50.
Her mother would talk to him on the phone like a teenager. She was clearly smitten. He
Kept coming around and calling. Neighbor was able to shake him by making “friends” with him as well. He moved on.
Come back and let us know what you find out.
So...
What money? Who is the woman? What is the reasoning or motivation behind his being happy to send her money he does need for his own living expenses? Has he even met her, or is it possible that she is the online face of a nasty-piece-of-work scam?
A hospitalization and then issues in Skilled rehab led me to have a long talk, backed by documents showing the Surgeon lied ti him and that one staff member of NH was fired when supervisor returned shortly before my discharge.
He needed an attitude adjustment. I also spoke with his brother, my #2 on MPOA. I may be changing my POA soon. I am 62!
You can customize Durable Powers vs boiler plate POA. Do so! Make it fit so you know your life will be what you wish!
Also file copies with banks and hospitals! My dad violated my Mom's Living Will, which she modified after advanced Hep C meant treatment of her other issues was no longer going to work.
She wrote No Feeding Tube..so she fought when they tried to give her one and was injured as a result...injuries that contributed to her death 5 days later IMO.
Dad was in denial and kept forgetting to bring the papers. The hospital knew from transfered records that it existed and when it was updated, but needed a copy to over ride his Medical decision. Yes, a Living Will ( or whatever it is called in your state) supercedes a MPOA, provided it is written and on file in advance.
Not sure how u have approached this but Dad needs to pay his bills first. This is what you need to try and get thru to him. If he is not listening to u, maybe he will listen to another family member. Bills first Dad and then u can send ur friend something.
We had the very good fortune when my LO entered a nearby AL, to become acquainted with a fine psychiatric PA skilled in geriatric assessment and treatment.
My LO’s assessment was done through cooperation between her and the physician who provides services at the AL where she lives. A letter was provided to me stating that I, as POA was doing services based on her needs as an incapacitated person.
The letter has often been offered to agencies WITH the POA to establish that I am responsible as my LO’s representative. It has always met the legal criteria of the agencies I have dealt with.
Hope this approach can be helpful to you.
HOW is he communicating with this woman? Is there a way for you to block their communications?
The question here is, is your father of sound mind and capable of making this decision to send this woman money? If he is, then it is his money to spend as he chooses. He should know all about the 5 year lookback if he were to need any public assistance (or 3 year in some states) and he should know about "gifting" and what that can do to his plans in future. But he still is able to spend his money as he likes.
Now, if you are currently serving as his POA at this request of your rational and together Dad (which is the case for me) you have to do as he requests while you are serving as his POA. If he is demented, you would of course disregard crazy directions.
If he is with it, and you are POA to save him work, and he is making these poor decisions after you have told him the consequences, I would resign the POA were I you. Let him handle it himself.
You may, either way, need a visit to an Elder Law Attorney, as this is not looking good. If Dad is with it he should go with you. The fee for the attorney is paid for out of the estate you are managing for him.
Good luck. Hope you update us.