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Is the bench a single one in the shower or an over tub one that the bench is on the outside of the tub and you push them into the tub?
I would find out what is causing the foot pain. There are PC pipe chairs that can be pushed into the shower and out. There are products for sponge baths. Maybe give him an anxiety med before showering. 2x/3x a week is enough with a spong bath in between.
If changing how he enters and exits the shower doesn't solve the issue, then you might need to consider having a male aid come in to help him. Sometimes a 3rd party who he is not familiar with makes him more cooperative. This has been our family's experience. Make sure the aid is experienced.
What's causing DH (DH=Dear Husband) foot pain when he transfers off of the shower bench? That has to be addressed and remedied or he'll continue to refuse to shower! That's your #1 goal, and your #2 goal is to figure out what's causing him anxiety with the transfer? Is he afraid he's going to fall? Are you experienced enough to help him shower? Your profile says you cut your work hours in half to save money on in home help. Saving $$ should never be your only goal, especially when your husband is dealing with the after effects of a stroke and is now having anxiety with showers. Hiring in home experienced caregivers can be worth its weight in GOLD sometimes.
Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube; she is an expert on dementia and how to instill trust in a person suffering from it so they will allow you to help them bathe and dress and groom themselves. Although your DH is not necessarily suffering from 'dementia', per se, he's had a stroke and may be suffering some dementia-LIKE symptoms as a result. Her videos will teach you the hand-under-hand technique to use which is VERY helpful and may ease DHs anxiety getting in & out of the shower. Your stance, tone of voice and confidence is also important in making him feel safe in the shower. And, figuring out why he's anxiety ridden so you can eliminate his fears is the vital thing to do.
If necessary, hire a male aide to help DH with showers 1-2x a week which is sufficient.
My mother, I figured out, was petrified to get into her shower b/c she felt it was slippery. So I bought her water shoes which solved the problem immediately.
Wishing you the best of luck getting to the bottom of why DH is anxiety ridden in the shower.
hey virginia i would get the foot pain checked first. Does he have the pain on standing generally? How big is the shower? Would a chair offer more support in helping him stand? I went through this with my dad for two years, We would have big arguments about it; I regret that so much. He had a shower chair refused to use it. Dad ended up in rehab after a fall, and refused showers most of the time when he was in there, but he got blanket baths. When he came out, OT said shower wasn’t great - too small and no moveable head - I hadn’t even considered this. So we stuck with blanket baths done by his carer which worked, (he’s currently in respite and they are doing the same thing). His carer knew little tricks to get him to change his clothes get him washed and was wonderful. In this instance in home help completely turned the situation around. I have also watched Teepa’s videos and I have learnt so much already. good luck with it
As like others have posted, finding out what is causing his foot pain needs to be addressed. But until then I would just use the extra large body wipes to clean him, and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps for his hair. Both work great and you can order them on either Walmart.com or Amazon. And you can use both on someone even if they're completely bedridden. Good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would find out what is causing the foot pain. There are PC pipe chairs that can be pushed into the shower and out. There are products for sponge baths. Maybe give him an anxiety med before showering. 2x/3x a week is enough with a spong bath in between.
There will be others that will respond.
Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube; she is an expert on dementia and how to instill trust in a person suffering from it so they will allow you to help them bathe and dress and groom themselves. Although your DH is not necessarily suffering from 'dementia', per se, he's had a stroke and may be suffering some dementia-LIKE symptoms as a result. Her videos will teach you the hand-under-hand technique to use which is VERY helpful and may ease DHs anxiety getting in & out of the shower. Your stance, tone of voice and confidence is also important in making him feel safe in the shower. And, figuring out why he's anxiety ridden so you can eliminate his fears is the vital thing to do.
If necessary, hire a male aide to help DH with showers 1-2x a week which is sufficient.
My mother, I figured out, was petrified to get into her shower b/c she felt it was slippery. So I bought her water shoes which solved the problem immediately.
Wishing you the best of luck getting to the bottom of why DH is anxiety ridden in the shower.
i would get the foot pain checked first. Does he have the pain on standing generally? How big is the shower? Would a chair offer more support in helping him stand?
I went through this with my dad for two years, We would have big arguments about it; I regret that so much. He had a shower chair refused to use it. Dad ended up in rehab after a fall, and refused showers most of the time when he was in there, but he got blanket baths. When he came out, OT said shower wasn’t great - too small and no moveable head - I hadn’t even considered this. So we stuck with blanket baths done by his carer which worked, (he’s currently in respite and they are doing the same thing). His carer knew little tricks to get him to change his clothes get him washed and was wonderful. In this instance in home help completely turned the situation around.
I have also watched Teepa’s videos and I have learnt so much already.
good luck with it
Good luck.