Follow
Share

My dad, 76, passed August 14th, mom, 66 years young,  had a massive stroke August 31. She was DNR, DNI, no feeding tube, no artificial means. I had the doctors try a feeding tube, I had to. It gave no positive results so I had it removed after a week. I don't know how long we have. To lose them both so close is devastating, but I have emotionally shut down, I haven't even cried over daddy yet. I am struggling with removing the feeding tube even tho it was moms wish. Her pain is so great I cannot even hug her. Her heart and lungs seem strong, but physically she has lost alot of mobility, mentally she is almost completely disconnected, left eye blind, no ability to swallow. I'm lost - if anybody has experience with removing feeding tubes and what happens now as we are in Hospice care, please share. I know once I let my emotions come back I am going to crumble.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You upheld your mother's wishes. Be proud. Is she on hospice care? They can manage the pain.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You will be strong for as long as you need to be strong, then you will have a flood of emotions to grieve. But right now your brain is in problem solving mode with your mother, pushing aside the grief from your father. Those feelings will come back.

I think i read it correctly as you tried the feeding tube and it is now removed? If that is your mums wish and you know her quality of life is not going to improve, i would respect that wish. I would also make sure the staff are on top of all your mums pain management. She should not be in so much pain you can't hug her. Get onto the doctor, they need to make sure she is comfortable and as pain free as possible.

If you can take a little time out for yourself through this, it will help you a lot. Even a couple of hours to breath and have a cry. It is a lot to cope with in such a short time and now your mother in such a difficult situation. Just remember to breath. We are here for you.
All the best.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

ZoeAtTheHut no feeding tube was moms wish. I guess the self doubting is normal, with false hope.

I work in stroke rehab, so I know, knew, the outlook was very grim from the start. When she is at peace I will somehow take time to breathe, for now I have to stay busy, keep my mind busy when I am not with her.

Her pain is still bad, whether it is real or imagined, it is real to her and that makes it real to me.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Most hospice services offer bereavement counciling. It can help. Check into it.

I know it's horrible to go through this but the feeding tube would just prolong the suffering. You're doing the right thing. My best wishes to you in this difficult time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Angie, if the feeding tube "gave no positive results", there was no point in leaving it in. You made the right decision to remove it.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Angiedd, my heart is heavy for you. I can tell you that years ago my MIL had opted for no feeding tube, and she lay unconscious for about a week before she passed. She was given morphine, and we were assured that she felt no pain.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your father last month and now your mother is in hospice. All you can do is take on day at a time.

My father had a catastrophic stroke last September. He was in the hospital for four days and then we brought him home with hospice. He did not want a feeding tube. We honored his wishes. He was in no pain or distress because we gave him the comfort meds from hospice. He lived for twelve days with his entire loving family around him.

You are doing the right thing. It is not easy. Your mother should not be in any pain. Call hospice if you have any questions day or night. Hospice has grief support whenever you are ready.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Angie; has anyone from the hospice organization been to see your mom? If she's in pain and no one is doing anything about it, you have every right to be upset. They should be starting morphine if she's in pain; can the NH doc write an order for that?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Angie, do you have the Comfort Care Kitchen, that Hospice normally sends out the Day that the Patient begins on Hospice? If so, you should be able to simply call Hospice, and get their Authorization to administer the pain medication from the kitchen, probably a liquid Morphine. They should be able to do this right over the phone, even before they come to visit, ad it is All about Comfort Care at this point!

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I too lost both my parents pretty close together, though not as close as you are dealing with. I'm am currently doing Hospice care in my home for my FIL, and our Hospice team is fabulous, often changing medication orders over the phone.

I am wishing you peace and comfort for you Mom in the coming days! Take Care!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Has the Hospice nurse been to see her? My mom was close to the end when my brother consented to hospice, and only the hospice nurse saw her.

I'm so sorry that this journey with your mom is so painful and protracted.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter