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I am the only daughter in town with them. My brother lives in AZ and my sister lives in NC. My parents and siblings agree I should be compensated, but parents asking for guidelines.
DaughterInTown, I do see that your sibling AND your parents all agree that you should be paid.
The rate should be whatever you and your parents agree upon. Since your parents are in their 90's, correct?, their view of an hourly wage may be from the last time your parents had worked.
Your best bet may be to make an appointment with an "Elder Law Attorney" who can draw up the paperwork for you, and suggest what is the going rate for such work.
I have not read through the responses here, I have a pretty good idea of the polar opposite views likely expressed and while I hope everyone was respectful to DaughterinTown while expressing their personal views my fear that this is not the case and I am sorry for that.
As I considered this question and the responses it probably solicited it struck me how contrary our thinking and advice can be. I can't count the times we have all given the advice to a family member who has given up their ability to earn an income and provide for their own old age that they should be paid like a caregiver with a contract in place or move out, take care of themselves. So why would this posters situation get any push back? My guess is it's because there is a blurred line here, one she and her family are sharp enough to recognize. She is getting to that edge where one side is the things we do out of love for our parents to help make their daily lives easier and the other side where something has to give so she is hiring sitters for her kids and taking off work or quitting her job to have the time to do all the things her parents need. Most of us have experienced it, you take on mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow, then keeping track of the meds, dr aptmts and paying the bills. You pick up groceries for Mom and Dad when you do your own (easy right?) and then find you are making 3-4 trips a week between your household and theirs. You slowly add these things to your plate out of love and respect for your parents, it's natural and each thing seems like an easy thing to add or incorporate into your life duties, then at some point you realize something has to give, you can't do it all, your plate is full and very often it's your job, your home, husband and kids that start coming up short. Becoming a "paid" caregiver seems cold and wrong and it isn't why you care for your parents, wasn't even a thought over the years as you took on the running of their household as well as yours.
This poster and her family seem to be way ahead of the game, eyes wide open and finding ways to enable Mom and Dad to stay where they are as long as possible its exactly what most of us are doing too. For me the logical point to consider a financial arrangement is when the care giving time starts to affect the caregiver financially, even if it isn't recognized as direct, taking of a few hours of work for doctors appointments (even when paid they may be replacing the time meant for their own doctors appointments), using FMLA or "vacation time", hiring babysitters or calling on friends to transport kids, hiring a cleaning service for their own home so they have time to make dinner for LO's, that sort of thing. Also for me personally I would likely set it up hourly at the lower of the going rates and "bill" for the time that is really affected (work, sitters...) to find that balance between "I'm doing it out of love because it makes me happy to help you" and "I need to be paid like a hired caregiver" but I don't answer to an employer. The other thing that comes into play from my perspective is parents finances, are they living on a very limited income or could they afford to private pay a care giving service? Will there likely be money/assets left when they pass or will they be on Medicaid should they need long term facility care? I am NOT suggesting cheating the system or hiding money but I also don't see any reason not to take advantage of the things offered. Meaning, Medicaid allows a realistic amount for care giving and I don't see a problem with using that money for that purpose, family or not. Tax wise a person can gift x amount each year lessening their worth so their hard earned assets go where they want why shouldn't they pay who they want for a real service simply because they are family. The value of having a family member over a stranger to me is immeasurable but as the family caregiver I want to make sure their future isn't compromised. DIT & fam are being proac
Okay, I just read all the old responses. So your parents intended that you be paid when they drew the contract up.
This is great news. You just want to be sure and keep good records for what and how long you are providing services. I would still do a contract and meet with the attorney to ensure that you are fully informed about what is POA and what would fall under care/care management. This will avoid any issues that you were not reasonable. This would be an issue if public assistance was ever looking at financial information. They could say to many POA hours, I don't really know, but I think it is wise to error on the side of caution when dealing with any government entity, they get to interpret the terms and rules as they see fit and it is then on us to fight it, so better safe up front.
I hope that all of the ugly comments don't get to you. I think that you are perfectly within your rights to charge for services provided, especially since your parents put that in the POA. They appreciate what you are doing and understand that it has nothing to do with love or payback, it is awesome that they raised such a loving family.
At first I was going to answer your question with a negative response (such as shame on you, your parents took care of you when you were young, etc etc etc.). But I thought about it more and I know how hard it is and how much time it takes to handle all of this. Fortunately we put my mom into an assisted living facility of where they handle all the doc appts and take good care of her. My brother and I handle her finance stuff and we are both the POAs. So maybe it would help if all your siblings were made POAs. Maybe have one of your siblings handle making the doc appts - you don't have to be local to sched doc appts. And have one of your other siblings handle her finances. Before my brother and I put mom into an asst living - we split the duties. I handled doc appts and scheduled the aids to be with her (mom lived in Florida, my brother and I live in CT/NY) and my brother would handle the finances. It is too hard for one person to handle everything, especially if you are working a full time job. It is great that your siblings agree that you should be compensated. Honestly I'd rather have a sibling help me, than to be compensated, especially if you are already working elsewhere. Hang in there, I know it's not easy.
Just to add that my father things family does for family. So, while I am living under their roof, working part time (which allows more time to meet their needs as I have become a senior myself) without a rent issue, he also saw no need in a caregiver agreement, and is clueless to real world issues. Ah, the greatest generation! He just has expectations of what women's work is, and doesn't realize the value of it. I was shocked at how valuable myself when I priced getting some cleaning help to bring things up to speed. Think of all the efforts you provide: cleaning, cooking, laundry, appt making, escorting, advocating, bill paying/bookkeeping/recordkeeping, shopping research, communication...I had a HUGE bank of sick time accumulated and by rights, when that figure crossed the 900 hour mark, I was entitled to the overage aat 1/3 the value in $$ annually until retirement. It drops with every escorted appt for them. I've used vacation time for household issues. But the sick time will not be there if god forbid I need it for myself.
Daughter in Town, Disregard all the nasty, bullying comments on here. It looks like "Taarna's" guidelines below make sense and probably what you need.
It's funny.... all over the news you see talk about not bullying among kids/children, i.e. in school. And I'll bet everyone on here would agree about that being wrong. But when it comes to comments on this thread and many others, wow, it is amazing how much bullying occurs. Just ignore it. YOU do what you need/want to do. Period!
First you are blessed to be able to care for them. Do you need the help? How many hours do you work for your parents? If you are a fully time caregiver and can maintain their physical needs and keep them safe then you could easily consider what it costs in a nursing home or assisted living. some assisted living give discounts for both parents but even so it could be easily 4-6K per month. Anursing home for just one of them if they have financial assets above 80K would quite likely cost greater than 6K per month. Really everything is dependent on what their needs are. Are you primarily paying their bills, shopping, running errands making and taking them to doctors appointments? If that about sums it up then a few hundred per month may only be warranted. In all liklihood they will require more and more effort as they progress into oldage. Making meals, housecleaning, My advice there would be to define some criteria for each level of care and reach agreement with your parents and siblings. Maybe on an hourly rate, but: rest assured the effort will increase with age and forgetfulness so you are wise to reach agreement while everybody can reach an agreement. Hope this helps, our prayers are with you and all concerned.
Get an assessment by a home health care agency or 2. Have them tell you how much it would cost to have a home health care aide to do all that you currently do. This way you can get a ballpark idea of what your "work" is worth and also how much it would cost to get additional help for your parents.
If this compensation is considered your "work", ask an lawyer specializing in elder care to help you draft a contract. In the contract, spell out the work you will be doing and how much you will be compensated. Please make sure to repot your "earnings" in your annual taxes. It would probably be reasonable to consider a usual salary amount plus reimbursement for mileage when you take them places.
NYDaughterInLaw: "Finally, to everyone spewing holier-than-thou venom trying to shame DaughterInTown for accepting money to be POA for her parents: perhaps if you, your parents and siblings treated one another better you wouldn't be so bitter."
Yes! I don't know in what (mixed-up) world it is supposed to be considered a privilege to do elder caregiving for an elder who is difficult to care for. And it is most often just ONE sibling who is doing all the work (often a daughter).
All this chatter about how people should be honored to be the free slaves for elders, elders who don't think anything is wrong with this plan? What about the siblings who don't participate? The elders think THAT is okay? How did "Dear Mama!" raise siblings who think it is just fine to let ONE of them do all the work for free? Shame on THESE families!
I'm sure the holier-than-thou posters would try to shame me, too -- I was paid to do tasks for my mother ($20/hour). My 3 brothers (out of state) agreed to my being paid. They weren't here. My mother was difficult, and emotionally abusive towards me. I didn't have to give up a job, so there wasn't that consideration, but the emotional stress took its toll on me. My mother didn't want me to be paid ("You don't pay family!"), but my POA brother agreed that I should be paid. She never knew. And, since she would never qualify for Medicaid, it was all given to me in cash, considered a gift to me.
Good for you and your brother for being the bigger people! Many of those who consider it a privilege to do elder caregiving for a difficult elder are the same pathetic posters who moan about how they "had to quit" a job, "have to do everything", their "siblings do nothing", they "don't have a choice", blah blah. It's part of their martyr or victim complex.
Did you pay them? have you already paid them for taking care of you when you were a baby, a child, an adolescent? Shame on you, and all that wait to be compensated after they have been raised and given them everything they need, as well as love, the person they are! How dare people expect to get paid for helping them with ....WHATEVER! It only happens in the United States! In all over the world in other countries, there is love and reverence for parents!
OMG, this is a place for people to come, ask questions, receive advice, etc., not to be judged! None of is know the full circumstances of this woman. Shame on YOU!
Well, obviously there are some strong opinions being posted. I think both opinions have merit. I was DPOA for my mother and was not paid. However, I really did not have to do much for her until the end of her life. Have you thought about running the idea of a salary past an elder law attorney who is familiar with Medicaid law? The reason why I'm suggesting this is because I am concerned that your salary may be considered a gift and impact Medicaid eligibility should they need financial assistance for nursing home level of care in the future. Perhaps putting a contractural agreement would be helpful and in order.
I have not read but a few responses, so forgive me if I am repeating.
The majority of tasks that you are doing for your parents are not really POA tasks. I say this because your POA probably has an area directly addressing payment. If that doesn't mention payment it could get sticky. And people have the misconception that being POA means that you have to do hands on care, not true, it is entirely about authority to act in someone's stead, not work your hind off caring for them. Being POA does NOT mean that you become a personal assistant. People don't understand what they are accepting when they become POA and that creates a lot of issues, parents even believe that they just appointed a personal slave and they now can run you ragged and you are obligated, not reality or fact. Please clarify what you are responsible for under the POA, read the document and verify that it doesn't say no pay and keep good records of every task. If you can not be paid for POA work you will want to show your hours broken down by tasks, ie 12/23/2019 11am to 330pm -bill paying 1 hour, grocery shopping 1.5 hours, doctors appointment 2 hours. Bill paying may fall under POA, the rest is personal assistant work and does not fall under the POA. I would schedule an event with the attorney that drew up the POA and get your specific fudiciary responsibilities as POA clarified and get them to draw up the care/care manager agreement, you will feel better knowing that everything is legal.
The tasks that you are doing fall under care and care management and that should be in a written contract, stating what you will handle and how much you will be paid. I would check into a payroll processing company and get paid legally and not just cash, this does a couple of things, 1st you are contributing to your social security and Medicare benefits for your future, 2nd it keeps all of your parents finances transparent in the event that they ever need public assistance. A payroll agency will do all the work and taxes and your parents will send them a check covering matched SS/Medicare, workers compensation insurance and some even offer you insurance. You would send in your hours and they would cut a check for you.
I think that you are very blessed to have a family that respects each other and acknowledges your tremendous treatment and care of your parents.
I think it is thoughtful and caring that your family members want to recognize the value of your work in this role. Sometimes financial compensation is a good way to recognize the value of the time and great effort it takes. Not all families can manage this, but yours can, and I think it is great. Maybe a place to start is to consider whether you want an hourly rate or a "salary." I'd probably go with an hourly rate. You might have to log hours, but it seems fair to me and also gives you a way to measure the job.
That you are doing the work of a Geriatric Care Manager seems to be raising the hackles of several posters. Ignore them.
The national average Geriatric Care Manager salary is $51,534. That's $1,073 per week for a full-time job that offers benefits. The average hourly salary alone is $27, which seems reasonable and defensible if your parents income justifies that hourly rate. Benefits are worth an additional 25 percent, which brings the true hourly rate up to $34.
I would not wait until they have died to expect to be paid from their estate because they may outlive their money. And guess who has to deal with there being no more money to pay for their care? You, their POA.
My husband is POA for his dad and I know exactly the toll it takes on a person. Hubby and his brothers have been begging their dad to downsize at indy living for years because he's burning through his money at an eye-watering rate. My husband just sold his parents' lake cabin to generate some cash. And if your parents run out of money, you too will be faced with selling assets to pay for their care. My husband put in close to 150 hours to sell that cabin. He got no where near the $4,000-$5,000 it would have cost my FIL for a Geriatric Care Manager to handle that transaction for him let alone the $10,000-$15,000 it would have cost to have an attorney do it.
Your parents want to pay you. Your siblings are on board. That's the right way to do things.
Finally, to everyone spewing holier-than-thou venom trying to shame DaughterInTown for accepting money to be POA for her parents: perhaps if you, your parents and siblings treated one another better you wouldn't be so bitter.
What a great answer! I am just now considering this with my mother for whom I am POA and caregiver....not a lot of physical care right now, but must be here, or hire someone to be here. As I just finally retired, I will be talking to my mother about it soon. Her elder care attorney also discussed it with us.
So tell me; what are they charging you for the first 18 years of your life? Yea, tell your parents that they need to charge extra for the first 5 years due to extra risk incurred while raising you. I mean serious...no further comment.
What, why would you get paid?! Your parents brought you into this world, raised you, fed and clothed you and care for you when you couldn't. My dad and I don't even like each other; I'm his POA and he offers to give me money which I refuse because he's still family and we're there for each other; he only pays his expenses. I assume your parents are retired on a fixed income, Having a POA takes a lot of work as your parents needs increase over time but again they kind of already paid you up front. I'm over 65, different generation so maybe it's an old way of thinking? Good luck to you and your parents!
This is such a "how long is a piece of string" type question!
In some ways, it can be whatever number you and your parents both feel comfortable with, not forgetting that it may also be important it doesn't raise any eyebrows at Medicaid.
At the moment you're doing a few things for them ad hoc, but the to do list and the time required are likely to grow as time goes on. I should think in terms of an hourly fee which will continue to be sustainable within your parents' budget for as long as the job itself remains sustainable for one person on her own.
Do you work? If so, your theoretical hourly rate might be a starting point.
In my experience, if I may say so, the sort of people who think it only proper to do this combined bookkeeper, advocate, taxi driver, interpreter, personal shopper, counsellor and general factotum role free of charge are often the sort of people who also think that laundry, cooking, gardening and housekeeping happen by magic. Ahh, the things we do for love :)
That question of whether I wanted compensation to be POA was asked by the lawyer who drew up the documents for my parents. In my case, I waived the payment. If I had said yes, she would have written up legal papers so that there wouldn't be a problem with Medicaid, down the road. Check with an elder attorney to know what the pay should be.
Yes, in our case, that is right. My mom's elder care attorney also brought that up to us. As I was working full-time and Mom could be left by herself for a few hours here and there, we could make it work. And I also did not think we needed to that, so I declined.
But now Mom cannot be left by herself, and I just retired. She does not use the money that would be paid to me, and it would ever so much lighten the burden for me. And while she still has her mind and humor, we can truly enjoy one another's company. She is very forgetful and I have no idea what shape she will be in next Christmas. As long as it's possible, I want Mom to live here in my home with her realizing it is her home as well. I just retired and still have some mortgage left to pay. By having her pay me (which I technically will do as she cannot), it will allow us to continue this life of ours and hopefully, make her last years happy, relaxed and "free" in our home and not having to be in an ALF. And if it ever gets to a point, I can't do it anymore, then I will find the best ALF we can afford. But I hope she'll always be able to be here.
Depending on your state be sure that you understand the “look back” for Medicaid in case of a nursing home need. Do a Care Contract (you can see how on line or with an attorney). Depending on your state it may be a bit different. Your parent will have to issue a statement at the end of the year and yes you will have to pay taxes. That is better than their taking her money. If already in a home, then you can consult an attorney on what to do. As for charging, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you take good care and she has all the comforts she needs.
I don’t know, but it’s going to be taxable earnings, and someone is going to have to do the necessary bookkeeping, tax reporting, tax deposits, etc. I would consult with an attorney to see that all the t’s are crossed and i’s dotted. Everyone consenting should also consent to your price. It’s a major term. (Nothing is ever easy unless you get paid off the books.)
I used an agency home health aide for a month, and I was billed about $30 an hour for her, as I recall. But I’m sure that included a lot of overhead (eg, liability insurance) and profit for the agency. My guess is $20 an hour paid to you would be reasonable but what is “reasonable” in NJ might not be where you are. And it’s just a guess.
As I said, check with a lawyer. Best of luck to you.
I took care of all my mom's business for the last 6 years of her life, including doctor and hair salon appointments, banking, managing and selling rental properties and grocery shopping. All I took was reimbursement for groceries I purchased for her to have at her ALF apartment. I didn't take any other compensation at all, not even for gas used to take her places. As her sole heir, I received a sizeable legacy on her death which was more than sufficient for me. Other people may be impacted financially more than I was, so what ever you and your parents agree to shouldn't be questioned by anyone. You might want to draw up some paper spelling out what you do so if there is ever a need for Medicaid application, they won't look at the money paid to you as a gift.
As her sole heir, I can understand why you didn't take compensation.
But, what about the family where one child does all the care for the elderly parent(s) and the estate is divided equally among all the children? Is it fair to the child who worked hard caring for the parents and presumably preserving that estate? Shouldn't that person be compensated for their time and efforts?
Sorry to disagree, but I couldn’t imagine actually charging my parents a fee to serve as their power of attorney. If you are or become the administrative of their estates, I think most states allow you to collect a fee for your services due to the time and red tape involved to handle the red tape that may benefit others (beneficiaries). In New Jersey, you’re allowed to accept the fee, waive it or accept a reduced fee. I’ve served as POA for various family members and never considered charging a fee for this. Just my opinion, maybe others feel differently.
Your reply I wouldn't consider "shaming" as you stated things in a gentle "disagreement" manner, but there are a number on this thread who have been "shaming" which is the same as "bullying". That is totally unacceptable.
I was the primary caregiver for my mom after her stroke.Sadly,She has now passed.I am now doing g the same for my dad He also had a stroke but was living alone until a recent fall.He now lives with me.
While there was no question that I would assume the caregiver role. Two brothers one deceased and the other lives out of state.
You don't know all that being a caregiver for an elderly parent entails until you become one and even then you get blindsided at times.
Irregardless of society stating it is your duty to care for your parents in there golden years.As they took care of you.
As with most things in life.It is your choice.Everyone doesn't have the desire,patience,or time to do so.
It hasn't been a smooth road but such is life and I chose to go down this one.
As for compensation for your caregiver duties.If everyone is in agreement that you should be.
Then explain and show your parents what the going rate is for a caregiver etc.Goodluck
To those people that are shaming the daughter regarding her parents desire to pay her for her services and time, please stop ! If all the parties involved are in agreement that paying her is in their best interest, who are you to shame her for this? If the family has taken the steps to confer with an elder law lawyer that the payment does not run afoul of the estate planning (wills, trust etc) that is already in place, and that the payments are documented so that they can be accepted by the IRS if audited, it`s not for you to pass judgement on what she and her family are doing.
I read with horror statements that a person is bad because they need to be compensated for helping their parents. "They didn't charge to raise you" . Phooey... You didn't ask to get born. It's the parents responsibility to care and feed you. It has NOTHING to do with you having to care for your parents in their old age. People need to get off their high horses about what a grown child's responsibility is or isn't. Take a person who stopped working to take care of a parent. How do you expect them to pay their own bills with no money coming in? When the time comes I fully expect my son to get paid for taking care of me. It's a job and he needs o be paid for that job. It's not a lack of love on his part, it's just something that's only fair.
I believe the question was regarding receiving payment for serving as POA, managing finances and running some errands- something many adult children do for their aging parents. The question didn’t say anything about being a full time caregiver. If that’s the case, it’s a “horse of a different color,” in my opinion.
I was thankful to be there to assist my father for the 7.5 years after my mother passed. Pop's car was in both our names and he took care of it until he passed. He paid for all maintenance and gas for his car; as I was now driving for him, the car was at my home and my disposal 24/7. The car is now mine and in great condition. He passed in May 2011. I never asked him for compensation - the above saved me a ton of $$ in 7.5 years and I thanked him profusely. I was happy to handle his finances and doctor appointments - he took care of me for a lot more than 7.5 years while I was growing up. It didn't bother me that my sisters were unable to step in to help much, they were both still working. Perhaps you too can come to some agreeable settlement for assisting the parents who raised you?
I fully agree. I see there are differing opinions about this but I couldn’t imagine ever having asked my parents, who are long deceased, for payment for assisting them in their final years.
You are very fortunate that your siblings agree that you should be compensated and that your parents want to and can do this. Decide what you need and what they can pay. See an elder attorney to get this set up properly.
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The rate should be whatever you and your parents agree upon. Since your parents are in their 90's, correct?, their view of an hourly wage may be from the last time your parents had worked.
Your best bet may be to make an appointment with an "Elder Law Attorney" who can draw up the paperwork for you, and suggest what is the going rate for such work.
As I considered this question and the responses it probably solicited it struck me how contrary our thinking and advice can be. I can't count the times we have all given the advice to a family member who has given up their ability to earn an income and provide for their own old age that they should be paid like a caregiver with a contract in place or move out, take care of themselves. So why would this posters situation get any push back? My guess is it's because there is a blurred line here, one she and her family are sharp enough to recognize. She is getting to that edge where one side is the things we do out of love for our parents to help make their daily lives easier and the other side where something has to give so she is hiring sitters for her kids and taking off work or quitting her job to have the time to do all the things her parents need. Most of us have experienced it, you take on mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow, then keeping track of the meds, dr aptmts and paying the bills. You pick up groceries for Mom and Dad when you do your own (easy right?) and then find you are making 3-4 trips a week between your household and theirs. You slowly add these things to your plate out of love and respect for your parents, it's natural and each thing seems like an easy thing to add or incorporate into your life duties, then at some point you realize something has to give, you can't do it all, your plate is full and very often it's your job, your home, husband and kids that start coming up short. Becoming a "paid" caregiver seems cold and wrong and it isn't why you care for your parents, wasn't even a thought over the years as you took on the running of their household as well as yours.
This poster and her family seem to be way ahead of the game, eyes wide open and finding ways to enable Mom and Dad to stay where they are as long as possible its exactly what most of us are doing too. For me the logical point to consider a financial arrangement is when the care giving time starts to affect the caregiver financially, even if it isn't recognized as direct, taking of a few hours of work for doctors appointments (even when paid they may be replacing the time meant for their own doctors appointments), using FMLA or "vacation time", hiring babysitters or calling on friends to transport kids, hiring a cleaning service for their own home so they have time to make dinner for LO's, that sort of thing. Also for me personally I would likely set it up hourly at the lower of the going rates and "bill" for the time that is really affected (work, sitters...) to find that balance between "I'm doing it out of love because it makes me happy to help you" and "I need to be paid like a hired caregiver" but I don't answer to an employer. The other thing that comes into play from my perspective is parents finances, are they living on a very limited income or could they afford to private pay a care giving service? Will there likely be money/assets left when they pass or will they be on Medicaid should they need long term facility care? I am NOT suggesting cheating the system or hiding money but I also don't see any reason not to take advantage of the things offered. Meaning, Medicaid allows a realistic amount for care giving and I don't see a problem with using that money for that purpose, family or not. Tax wise a person can gift x amount each year lessening their worth so their hard earned assets go where they want why shouldn't they pay who they want for a real service simply because they are family. The value of having a family member over a stranger to me is immeasurable but as the family caregiver I want to make sure their future isn't compromised. DIT & fam are being proac
This is great news. You just want to be sure and keep good records for what and how long you are providing services. I would still do a contract and meet with the attorney to ensure that you are fully informed about what is POA and what would fall under care/care management. This will avoid any issues that you were not reasonable. This would be an issue if public assistance was ever looking at financial information. They could say to many POA hours, I don't really know, but I think it is wise to error on the side of caution when dealing with any government entity, they get to interpret the terms and rules as they see fit and it is then on us to fight it, so better safe up front.
I hope that all of the ugly comments don't get to you. I think that you are perfectly within your rights to charge for services provided, especially since your parents put that in the POA. They appreciate what you are doing and understand that it has nothing to do with love or payback, it is awesome that they raised such a loving family.
This website is supposed to be supportive; not try to drag everyone down. Shame on all of those with nasty, rude, uncalled for, bullying comments.
If you do not have an answer to the question, then move on to another thread.
It's funny.... all over the news you see talk about not bullying among kids/children, i.e. in school. And I'll bet everyone on here would agree about that being wrong. But when it comes to comments on this thread and many others, wow, it is amazing how much bullying occurs. Just ignore it. YOU do what you need/want to do. Period!
If this compensation is considered your "work", ask an lawyer specializing in elder care to help you draft a contract. In the contract, spell out the work you will be doing and how much you will be compensated. Please make sure to repot your "earnings" in your annual taxes. It would probably be reasonable to consider a usual salary amount plus reimbursement for mileage when you take them places.
Yes! I don't know in what (mixed-up) world it is supposed to be considered a privilege to do elder caregiving for an elder who is difficult to care for. And it is most often just ONE sibling who is doing all the work (often a daughter).
All this chatter about how people should be honored to be the free slaves for elders, elders who don't think anything is wrong with this plan? What about the siblings who don't participate? The elders think THAT is okay? How did "Dear Mama!" raise siblings who think it is just fine to let ONE of them do all the work for free? Shame on THESE families!
I'm sure the holier-than-thou posters would try to shame me, too -- I was paid to do tasks for my mother ($20/hour). My 3 brothers (out of state) agreed to my being paid. They weren't here. My mother was difficult, and emotionally abusive towards me. I didn't have to give up a job, so there wasn't that consideration, but the emotional stress took its toll on me. My mother didn't want me to be paid ("You don't pay family!"), but my POA brother agreed that I should be paid. She never knew. And, since she would never qualify for Medicaid, it was all given to me in cash, considered a gift to me.
The majority of tasks that you are doing for your parents are not really POA tasks. I say this because your POA probably has an area directly addressing payment. If that doesn't mention payment it could get sticky. And people have the misconception that being POA means that you have to do hands on care, not true, it is entirely about authority to act in someone's stead, not work your hind off caring for them. Being POA does NOT mean that you become a personal assistant. People don't understand what they are accepting when they become POA and that creates a lot of issues, parents even believe that they just appointed a personal slave and they now can run you ragged and you are obligated, not reality or fact. Please clarify what you are responsible for under the POA, read the document and verify that it doesn't say no pay and keep good records of every task. If you can not be paid for POA work you will want to show your hours broken down by tasks, ie 12/23/2019 11am to 330pm -bill paying 1 hour, grocery shopping 1.5 hours, doctors appointment 2 hours. Bill paying may fall under POA, the rest is personal assistant work and does not fall under the POA. I would schedule an event with the attorney that drew up the POA and get your specific fudiciary responsibilities as POA clarified and get them to draw up the care/care manager agreement, you will feel better knowing that everything is legal.
The tasks that you are doing fall under care and care management and that should be in a written contract, stating what you will handle and how much you will be paid. I would check into a payroll processing company and get paid legally and not just cash, this does a couple of things, 1st you are contributing to your social security and Medicare benefits for your future, 2nd it keeps all of your parents finances transparent in the event that they ever need public assistance. A payroll agency will do all the work and taxes and your parents will send them a check covering matched SS/Medicare, workers compensation insurance and some even offer you insurance. You would send in your hours and they would cut a check for you.
I think that you are very blessed to have a family that respects each other and acknowledges your tremendous treatment and care of your parents.
Happy new year!
Not all families can manage this, but yours can, and I think it is great. Maybe a place to start is to consider whether you want an hourly rate or a "salary." I'd probably go with an hourly rate. You might have to log hours, but it seems fair to me and also gives you a way to measure the job.
The national average Geriatric Care Manager salary is $51,534. That's $1,073 per week for a full-time job that offers benefits. The average hourly salary alone is $27, which seems reasonable and defensible if your parents income justifies that hourly rate. Benefits are worth an additional 25 percent, which brings the true hourly rate up to $34.
I would not wait until they have died to expect to be paid from their estate because they may outlive their money. And guess who has to deal with there being no more money to pay for their care? You, their POA.
My husband is POA for his dad and I know exactly the toll it takes on a person. Hubby and his brothers have been begging their dad to downsize at indy living for years because he's burning through his money at an eye-watering rate. My husband just sold his parents' lake cabin to generate some cash. And if your parents run out of money, you too will be faced with selling assets to pay for their care. My husband put in close to 150 hours to sell that cabin. He got no where near the $4,000-$5,000 it would have cost my FIL for a Geriatric Care Manager to handle that transaction for him let alone the $10,000-$15,000 it would have cost to have an attorney do it.
Your parents want to pay you. Your siblings are on board. That's the right way to do things.
Finally, to everyone spewing holier-than-thou venom trying to shame DaughterInTown for accepting money to be POA for her parents: perhaps if you, your parents and siblings treated one another better you wouldn't be so bitter.
In some ways, it can be whatever number you and your parents both feel comfortable with, not forgetting that it may also be important it doesn't raise any eyebrows at Medicaid.
At the moment you're doing a few things for them ad hoc, but the to do list and the time required are likely to grow as time goes on. I should think in terms of an hourly fee which will continue to be sustainable within your parents' budget for as long as the job itself remains sustainable for one person on her own.
Do you work? If so, your theoretical hourly rate might be a starting point.
In my experience, if I may say so, the sort of people who think it only proper to do this combined bookkeeper, advocate, taxi driver, interpreter, personal shopper, counsellor and general factotum role free of charge are often the sort of people who also think that laundry, cooking, gardening and housekeeping happen by magic. Ahh, the things we do for love :)
But now Mom cannot be left by herself, and I just retired. She does not use the money that would be paid to me, and it would ever so much lighten the burden for me. And while she still has her mind and humor, we can truly enjoy one another's company. She is very forgetful and I have no idea what shape she will be in next Christmas. As long as it's possible, I want Mom to live here in my home with her realizing it is her home as well. I just retired and still have some mortgage left to pay. By having her pay me (which I technically will do as she cannot), it will allow us to continue this life of ours and hopefully, make her last years happy, relaxed and "free" in our home and not having to be in an ALF. And if it ever gets to a point, I can't do it anymore, then I will find the best ALF we can afford. But I hope she'll always be able to be here.
I used an agency home health aide for a month, and I was billed about $30 an hour for her, as I recall. But I’m sure that included a lot of overhead (eg, liability insurance) and profit for the agency. My guess is $20 an hour paid to you would be reasonable but what is “reasonable” in NJ might not be where you are. And it’s just a guess.
As I said, check with a lawyer. Best of luck to you.
But, what about the family where one child does all the care for the elderly parent(s) and the estate is divided equally among all the children? Is it fair to the child who worked hard caring for the parents and presumably preserving that estate? Shouldn't that person be compensated for their time and efforts?
While there was no question that I would assume the caregiver role.
Two brothers one deceased and the other lives out of state.
You don't know all that being a caregiver for an elderly parent entails until you become one and even then you get blindsided at times.
Irregardless of society stating it is your duty to care for your parents in there golden years.As they took care of you.
As with most things in life.It is your choice.Everyone doesn't have the desire,patience,or time to do so.
It hasn't been a smooth road but such is life and I chose to go down this one.
As for compensation for your caregiver duties.If everyone is in agreement that you should be.
Then explain and show your parents what the going rate is for a caregiver etc.Goodluck
If all the parties involved are in agreement that paying her is in their best interest, who are you to shame her for this?
If the family has taken the steps to confer with an elder law lawyer that the payment does not run afoul of the estate planning (wills, trust etc) that is already in place, and that the payments are documented so that they can be accepted by the IRS if audited, it`s not for you to pass judgement on what she and her family are doing.
Pop's car was in both our names and he took care of it until he passed. He paid for all maintenance and gas for his car; as I was now driving for him, the car was at my home and my disposal 24/7. The car is now mine and in great condition. He passed in May 2011.
I never asked him for compensation - the above saved me a ton of $$ in 7.5 years and I thanked him profusely.
I was happy to handle his finances and doctor appointments - he took care of me for a lot more than 7.5 years while I was growing up. It didn't bother me that my sisters were unable to step in to help much, they were both still working.
Perhaps you too can come to some agreeable settlement for assisting the parents who raised you?