My husband is showing progression
within a year. Last night he asked me if
his mother was still alive. He is 78 and we have been married 24 years and his
mother died many years before I met him. Would love some input to know what to tell him if he asks again. I told him that she passed away a long time ago. Is that okay or not. Thank you.
If he was upset I would not tell him again.
The way you phrased his question it sounds to me like he may have just been confirming what he knew to be true.
If he wants to talk about her you could ask him what she was like. What she did, what meals she liked to cook and all sorts of questions.
a conversation of his good memories or you can tell him that you have not seen her in a while
The kind thing to do is to just tell him that she's doing fine and that she's looking forward to seeing him soon.
Help him with making scrapbooks of years, and his Mom and his life. It won't necessarily help but he may enjoy it. If he DOESN'T--if it adds to his distress--stop at once.
If a person is so far in dementia they can't remember if their own mother is dead or alive, don't you think telling "the truth" to them is cruel?
It's cruel to upset a person with dementia who will forget five minutes later what you told them. Even though they won't remember why they're upset, the effects of having been upset will have lasting effects and can cause major setbacks.
The thing was, her husband figured it out after a while because Fido stopped coming to see him. So one day he said, "Fido has passed, right?"
She very gently said yes, and husband looked sad, but not for long.
Your husband may not ask again, but if he does, you could keep it brief. Such as, "Poor Fido passed in November, and it was very peaceful. Ready for another donut?" Or you could just say you don't know if his mom is alive and then change the subject.