Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I have found the only people I can talk to in person are those who had gone through caring for an elder or are currently caring for elder, be it hands-on or from a distance.... they are the only ones who understand, and when they say "I know what you are going through", they really know what you are going through.
These forums are great for talking things out and learning new ideas. We've all been fried and scrambled :P
Tired12345, tell us more about what is going on in your household. Your profile says you have you mother living with you. What are her medical issues and limitations?
We have some regular writers on these forums who are also from Texas :)
This is a good place to vent or to ask for or offer advice. If you participate regularly you are bound to make some cyber-friends.
Joining a local support group for caregivers is also a good option for talking to people who "get it" and are nonjudgmental. There may be support groups specifically for caregivers of parents or of people with the kind of impairment your mother has.
During my husband's journey with dementia I kept a blog on Caring Bridge and updated regularly. The friends and family what wanted details could get them there. Then we were together we could talk about other things.
I kept up my participation in a book club. We meet once a month. Reading the book and then talking about it gave me some non-caregiving activity. People know about my situation and about major details of each other's lives, but our focus was on a book. It can be very refreshing to interact with people totally removed from the caregiving world. I imagine that a knitting club or a bowling league or a bird-watching group or any group that meets periodically with a common interest would serve the same purpose.
Here goes.... She had a massive stroke 5-1/2 years ago, hospitalized and then rehab hospital for months. Moved her in with me and am on my 5th daytime caregiver (while I'm at work). I'm divorced, 54. As I've learned, siblings usually step back and do less and less. One is 1 mile away and the other about 45 mins. Sadly, my mother hasn't seen her grandkids (other than my son) in years. I got one weekend to go to a reunion last year and one the year before, where a brother would take her to his house for that one weekend. I'm just wearing out.
I am in the same situation. My siblings wouldn't visit or help my 90 year old mom because they live 45 minutes away. I started having stress related seizures. So, my husband told my siblings that mom can't live with us anymore due to my health and they have to find the solution of where she will go. He said it is up to them but mom's wishes are to live with family and she does not want to go to a nursing home. Well, my brother said he would take her but hasn't yet. His wife sounds like she doesn't want her. However, everyone is visiting and helping a lot more. Realistically, I don't want mom to go to a household that will be resentful of taking care of her. My husband says they'll never take her. But, at least they are helping and giving me a day off once a week. I am hoping to go away on some long weekends with my husband and feel that because they fear we'll just drop mom off any day now, they will be more than happy to take her for the weekend or a week or two to give us a rest as long as it's not permanent. You could try telling your siblings that doctor orders are she needs to move in with one of the siblings as your health is suffering. Then,see if they aren't more than happy to help more, take her for a weekend, or week or two every so often to give you the break that you so desperately need. Good luck!
Can you get respite care, Tired? It's a performance making the arrangements but, in my experience anyway, worth it. [On balance, she says grudgingly. Just.] At least you get unbroken sleep and the chance to linger over breakfast, even if you haven't the energy to do anything exciting.
If not, stopgap measures for me include heavy duty gardening or similar - something that requires hard-to-violent physical effort; the in-in-in through the nose, purse lips and blow steadily out breathing exercise; or doing the hoovering and having a good uninhibited rant at whoever it is has just pissed me off. The hoovering bit is of the essence: no one can hear you so they can't send for the men in white coats…
Approach to siblings who live that close but still manage to contribute sweet FA: have you tried the direct one? - calling them up and without beating about the bush saying "I'd like you to stay over from [day] to [day] to care for mother - would you be able to do that please?" Some people just sit there like tins of milk passively waiting for requests/instructions - any chance they're like that?
That's why we are here! I about lost my mind before this site! There are so many smart, caring people who will reach out and help you! As country mouse suggested your siblings need to stand up- like it or not- make a schedule with them for some time off for yourself. Otherwise let them know you will have a caregiver come in 24/7 or take her to respite for 2 weeks and they can foot the bill.
I pray you find help with your mother...i pray for your strength and health. God bless you for taking care of your mother..My father stroked and was left pretty much helpless afterward....had to do everything for him, one brother helped for 2 years and then quit...i beleive the Lord gave me what strength i had to endure the final year..we got up in the night and changed him, turned him over...and found a mattress that would do the turning after 2 years of no sleep. What a godsend. Then when he was ready for hospice to come, they bathed him and sent a nurse out to check on him which was also releif. Sending hugs for you .
I have a very similar situation in my age, grown kids and grandbabies. My care is for my wife who is paralyzed from an accident. We can't afford an agency so it makes it tough to find a decent aide to be there while at work so I know how difficult that is for you too. There are no simple answers and everyones situation is unique. That "hollow advice" does get real annoying and leaves you not even wanting to discuss it anymore with them. Of course they than think everything is just fine when you give simple replies when asked. I try to avoid it because it only frustrates me more when they use a story about a sick puppy or something to show they understand what you're going thru. I know they mean well but it doesn't help and leaves me thinking about my "caregiver" role. Get strength by knowing what an amazing person it takes to do what you are doing. It helps me to know I have a God in heaven that has the answers and reasons to all this and that He truly understands the struggles. God Bless
LOL "I try to avoid it because it only frustrates me more when they use a story about a sick puppy or something to show they understand what you're going thru." That is so true perseverance64, even my sister always segues to a story about someone at the assisted living where she works as a receptionist. Or I will get "I couldn't do what you are doing " and a change of subject. I have been feeling so exhausted lately that I have made a few phone calls to inquire about respite care. I think even a couple of days to recharge my batteries may be good for me.
Bless your heart Perplexed, you're in a bad place as well. This isn't like the movies where there's always a happy ending. Cmagnum, she's 77 and only a few grandkids are old enough to drive and are living elsewhere, the others are in early high school. How long can I keep it up? Can't answer that. To tell the truth a few years ago when I crashed I drove up to the church and talked to one of the pastors. Two of them and I knelt and prayed for 3 things. Strength, Patience and Endurance... Truthing you here. To this day, I know it's definitely God working, 'cause I wore out a long time ago. And maryanne56, I covet those prayers.. and yeah, sending a group hug back at all of ya'll. Thank you ~
Thank you for your response Perseverance, you certainly chose an accurate pen name.. People do try. They don't live it so they can't understand. Co-workers and friends that call always ask "How's your mom"? I could give a dissertation on meds, blood thickness levels, passive aggressive responses,incontinence and what I have to do just to before leaving for work but it's just not worth it. I just say "we're good".
Great question. My family will not help me care for mom and ignore my calls, messages and texts...you get the idea. The only ones I can talk to are my adult kids and the caregivers we have while I'm at work. I don't want to burden my kids so I've started holding back on things. Luckily after 6 years of caregiving I found this site and people who get it. I realized how lost and alone I felt all those years...now when I need a friend I hop on AC and reconnect with the enlightened. I'm so thankful for this site. I don't have any close friends as I've always been a loner since I was a kid but I have realized that's ok, that's who I am. My mom was always my best friend. Now and I am my own best friend. And now I have my cyber friends ;) who actually understand.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
These forums are great for talking things out and learning new ideas. We've all been fried and scrambled :P
We have some regular writers on these forums who are also from Texas :)
Joining a local support group for caregivers is also a good option for talking to people who "get it" and are nonjudgmental. There may be support groups specifically for caregivers of parents or of people with the kind of impairment your mother has.
During my husband's journey with dementia I kept a blog on Caring Bridge and updated regularly. The friends and family what wanted details could get them there. Then we were together we could talk about other things.
I kept up my participation in a book club. We meet once a month. Reading the book and then talking about it gave me some non-caregiving activity. People know about my situation and about major details of each other's lives, but our focus was on a book. It can be very refreshing to interact with people totally removed from the caregiving world. I imagine that a knitting club or a bowling league or a bird-watching group or any group that meets periodically with a common interest would serve the same purpose.
If not, stopgap measures for me include heavy duty gardening or similar - something that requires hard-to-violent physical effort; the in-in-in through the nose, purse lips and blow steadily out breathing exercise; or doing the hoovering and having a good uninhibited rant at whoever it is has just pissed me off. The hoovering bit is of the essence: no one can hear you so they can't send for the men in white coats…
Approach to siblings who live that close but still manage to contribute sweet FA: have you tried the direct one? - calling them up and without beating about the bush saying "I'd like you to stay over from [day] to [day] to care for mother - would you be able to do that please?" Some people just sit there like tins of milk passively waiting for requests/instructions - any chance they're like that?
How much longer do you think you can keep this up?
How far away do the grandchildren live? Why don't they or can't they come and visit her?
As country mouse suggested your siblings need to stand up- like it or not- make a schedule with them for some time off for yourself. Otherwise let them know you will have a caregiver come in 24/7 or take her to respite for 2 weeks and they can foot the bill.
good luck!