My mother and I have a dysfunctional relationship, she hates my husband.
I just dropped by her house this winter, and found her living in squalor. House is filthy. She takes in cats and doesn't really care for them. So, there is an issue created by the animals. I have no legal rights where her or her house is concerned. I tried going back and cleaning what I could, but it's just too much for me alone and she doesn't want help nor does she see the problem.
ideas? advice? who to contact?
So, send someone.
Your religion says to take care of the elderly. Most religions and cultures do. Atheists believe that, too. But "take care" doesn't mean the same thing in all situations.
You take care of a child by sending her off to school. She doesn't want to go. She doesn't care if she never learns to read. She's too shy to interact with new children. Wahhh ... don't make me, mommy! But you send her off anyway. You do what you honestly believe is good for her.
Our parents aren't children. But when they get to the point of not being fully able to take care of themselves, then our religion/culture/instinct makes us want to do it. Often they really, really do not want what we think is good for them. And then we are in the situation you are in, Aeellis2002. In love (and with prayer, if that is meaningful to you) do what you can to see that they are cared for, even if you can't/they won't let you do it yourself.
Asked her if she needed me to come by to set up her window unit since her central a/c doesn't work. We are in Texas, and temps are climbing into the 90's.
She said she wasn't stupid or senile and didn't need me to do anything...and hung up on me.
So...I guess calls to APS and the SPCA are now in order. yippee.
I come from a Christian background, and we ARE supposed to help when the elderly get to a point where they can't do as much for themselves.
I need some opinions, here. Honest ones. I have one sibling, who cannot help due to health. Getting anywhere near mom's house would LITERALLY kill her.
I know mom is barely making ends meet, being on SS only. I am scared of her going into a facility where she will be neglected or abused (I know, I know, it can't be worse than her situation now, right?)
Those that are in a similar situation. How do you balance the responsibility to stay sane with the (possibly self appointed) responsibility to make sure your relative is taken care of properly?
she does not see a problem
her relationship with you is dysfunctional
I'd say that any role you might play in this should be at least one step removed. Talk to APS; you are not sure Mother is safe as she is. They'll investigate. Call the local police for a wellness check. Call the area agency on aging in her county. You trying to butt into her life (as she would see it) will not be effective at all. Try to get officials to do it.
I would advise against taking authority for her, such as a POA or Guardian role. You just do not need more dysfunctionality in your life.
Keep in touch here. We'd like to know what you try and how it works out. We learn from each other.
If someone is not competent, a court can make that finding and appoint a Guardian to make decisions about them. OR the family member can ask that the court appoint some other Guardian, like the county.
Did you notice if your mom is eating properly? Is her house a health risk? Are the cats in poor health? Improper conditions can cause the animals and humans to get nasty respiratory infections.
If you want to avoid getting involved, you might consider reporting the matter to Adult Protective Services or the local SPCA (for the cats). They can investigate and take action if it's deemed extreme enough. Animal hoarding is considered a mental health issue. County agencies may seek mental health care for her and rescue the animals. I hope you can get some helpful tips.