My mom is wanting to go home. She said she will be able to get around with her walker and she can cook, use the restroom, dress herself, etc. because she is doing those things there. Besides the cooking part. She said PT can come to her house. After the first surgery, she came home and was doing pretty well to be honest, but then after 3 weeks she started to deteriorate as she went into a severe depressive episode with psychotic symptoms/delusions that required her to be placed in a major psychiatrist hospital. Her last psych admission was over 10 years ago. The combination of medications have really helped her this time with the depression/delusions. Prior to going into the hospital, she was barely talking, extremely paranoid and fearful. That is my fear this time, once she goes home from rehab, it might be too much for her again. I did her laundry, made meals, grocery shopped picked up her meds. I've told her it's up to her dr and care team whether she is capable of going home. I don't know how else to explain to her that it's not me who is keeping her there. What are your thoughts?
Completely agree.
I would add, for you, think about how much you want to/are able to support her once she is home. This is your golden chance to change from what you were doing to a new plan (if that is something you want).
"I did her laundry, made meals, grocery shopped picked up her meds".
Was this a short term while she was acutely unwell? Or is this your usual routine?
It will be very helpful for Mom's care team to know exactly how much help she will have at home.
Having *supportive family* (code for family are coping) noted may help her get home quicker. Alternatively, having clear notes that family have *carer fatigue* or *carer stress* & need to scale back (code for not coping so well) can mean she needs to ensure she can self-care before discharge.
Be honest with her care team what you are willing to do. It will help her in the long run.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/abuse-in-the-inpatient-rehab-what-do-i-do-next-472151.htm?orderby=oldest&page=1�
Mom accused a nurse of throwing meds at her? I responded that I think the accusation was mom's newest ploy to get discharged home. Now, I am convinced.
It is up to the care team when mom is discharged. That is as it should be. Her home will have to be evaluated for safety, first, by occupational therapy.
Mom will, yes, she will forget to take her meds, then she is back to the psych unit. She is trying to manipulate you and others and doing quite a great job of it.
'I did her laundry, made meals, grocery shopped picked up her meds.'
Was this a short term while she was acutely unwell? Or is this your usual routine?
It will be very helpful for Mom's care team to know exactly how much help she will have at home.
Having *supportive family* (code for family are coping) noted may help her get home quicker. Alternatively, having clear notes that family have *carer fatigue* or *carer stress* & need to scale back (code for not coping so well) can mean she needs to ensure she can self-care before discharge."
How much help ARE you willing to provide? She will have lots of mobility issues. I read your past posts, and it seems your mother's finances are a mess. And that no one has POA. Do you even have HCPOA? I'm writing this, because it sounds like she might be hitting you up for money soon, also. She has credit card issues, and she took out a 2nd mortgage (when?) to help out your sister.
Because you are an RN, is it the family's assumption that YOU will be the caregiver? Although you may vehemently deny it, it seems to me that you are definitely headed in that direction. It also sounds that your mother really shouldn't be living alone in her house.
If she is mentally competent, you can't do anything, BUT you can plan for what YOU will (and won't) do. From your description of your mother, to move in with her or vice-versa would cause your health to decline. Are you still working? Don't be surprised if you are, that the expectation is that you will quit your job to be your mother's caregiver.
To sum up, I think you are already starting to slide down that slippery slope...
If she can get home INDEPENDENTLY and live independently without taking over all your down time (you are an RN and you need rest in between shifts, not a private duty job) [helping once or twice a week, iow], then fine.
Otherwise, you are proping up an illusion and you need to use this rehab time to figure out the best supportive living situation for her.
Do you really want her to come home where you are responsible for her. She is doing well where she is because she is getting meds on a regular basis.